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Lemonade Coyote
PENDING LARRY QUOTE
Cyrus/Lemonade Coyote is the fursona of Timothy McCormick, a God hating furfag who had thought he a long life ahead of him. However, God had other plans.
— Lemonade Coyote, showing compassion for others | ||
How it all began
Like all furs he was sexually abused as a child. Details are sketchy but it was probably his father, an uncle, the old man from Family Guy or maybe his dog. As a boy his favorite shows always had cartoon animals in them. No exceptions. His parents never noticed his obsession with Rescue Rangers, Heathcliff and Tailspin. The only game he ever played was Sonic The Hedgehog. Eventually the cartoon animals, Tails and repeated abuse resulted in a furfag.
Noticing their son was different his parents forced him to join the Boy Scouts of America. Unfortunately they never suspected the true reason for his quick advancement to the rank of Eagle. He returned home damaged beyond repair. After finishing high school Tim went to college where he met other just like him. No longer under the watchful eye of his parents Tim became friends with local furs and yiffed anything with a hole on the Internet. He developed a deep hatred for evangelicals who are close minded individuals that are intolerant of zoophiles and baby furs.
Fursonas
His original fursona was a submissive white-tailed deer named Cyrus who enjoyed being raped by older furs and especially Scoutmasters. Cyrus got the money for his first fursuit by sucking cock, stealing from friends and begging his parents for money to pay for "classes." Eventually his parents got wise and stopped giving him money. Cyrus was devastated when forced to get a job with the Indianapolis EMS. He always looked down on people from the ghetto and guess where he got assigned. At some point Cyrus decided to take his fur faggotry to the next level and Lemonade Coyote was born. The name was inspired by his lust for yellowlemonade showers.
— Lemonade Coyote, clearly not racist | ||
EMT, attention whore and typical furry
Being an attention whore, the furfag friended everyone he could on Facebook. Not even co-workers were spared. Furry drama ensued anytime someone declined a friend request. The result was 49 EMS personnel begrudgingly having a furfag added to their Facebook. Their friends and family immediately took notice.
Twitter became Lemonade Coyote's favorite place to bitch. He never had a clue that nobody gives a shit. Occasionally he would whimper about not having a boyfriend and would attempt to impress potential mates by tweeting his workout routines. His Twitter account reflected how much he hated his EMS job. He particularly didn't like people in ghetto who "who can't keep their fucking legs closed, who sustain themselves with my tax dollars absolutely fucking disgust me." I know, right? He never forgot to announce his current location in hopes that a nearby fur would drop by and keep him company between emergencies. As a furry he instinctively whined about being broke. However his favorite complaint was the long hours he worked but then he would brag about the overtime pay he earned as a result. He also complained whenever his hours were cut which resulted in less overtime pay.
Much to the relief of the entire Indianapolis University faculty the bitch got his degree and was finally out of their hair. Lemonade Coyote's dream job was to become a homicide detective so he could put fellow pedophiles behind barsback on the streets. He resented the fact he couldn't become a Scoutmaster because God hates furfags. After countless resumes he realized nobody wanted to hire his furry ass. The Indianapolis EMS feared a discrimination lawsuit so instead of firing him they kept him in the ghetto. Lemonade Coyote was destined to work long hours at a job he hated for the rest of his life. His tweets became more desperate as he slowly spiraled out of control. Often he violated the confidentiality of the people he saved. This is because faggots can't keep their stupid mouths shut. Nobody minds a paramedic who jokes to the Internet about their grandma who just suffered from a heart attack. Once in the same sentence he announced that he saved someone's life and how that got him overtime.
— Lemonade Coyote | ||
God vs furry
God's preferred method of eliminating furies from /b/ and the Internet is is death by automobile accident. Lemonade Coyote once commissioned a picture of his former fursona staring into the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. Isn't that cool? God finally had enough and on February 16, 2013 he called upon an intoxicated woman. She was commanded to drive through a red light at an intersection and to collide with the furry EMT's ambulance which rolled onto it's side and into an unoccupied car. Some idiot with a cell phone wanting to be a hero immediately dialed 9-1-1. The dispatcher tried to dispatch Lemonade Coyote's ambulance as he lay there mangled and dying in a pool of his own blood. Upon realizing her mistake the dispatcher finished her game of Solitaire. Emergency crews eventually arrived and rushed to the aid of the drunk lady and called a body shop to repair the parked vehicle. Firefighters then drew straws to select an unlucky few who were tasked with removing the furfag's body. Another crew member was discovered in the ambulance but later died at the hospital due to contact with Lemonade Coyote's AIDS infested blood.
— Lemonade Coyote, who faced God's wrath that same February | ||
Aftermath
Furfags across the Internet joined together mourn over the loss even through most never heard of Lemonade Coyote before. FurAffinity was forced to disable his ShoutBox once trolls swarmed in to offer their condolences. His friends went on to harass FurAffinity until any artwork and journals that showed what a faggot he was got deleted.
- @LemonadeCoyote 1/2 Of course we get a cardiac arrest call for grandma on Christmas and the whole family's there..And of course, I forget to put my phone on
- @LemonadeCoyote 2/2 vibrate, someone calls me while we're working on her, and the ringtone I have for the holidays is "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.."
- @LemonadeCoyote Seriously, ghetto idiots who can't keep their fucking legs closed, who sustain themselves with my tax dollars absolutely fucking disgust me.
- @LemonadeCoyote Reassignment bids were posted today by my EMS agency. I put in for a nicer, newer truck in a more peaceful/upscale area. Hope I get it! :3
- @LemonadeCoyote Had your last kid in August, you're already 4 months pregnant again, and you're an active smoker? Shit, bitch, no wonder you're miscarrying.
- @LemonadeCoyote Resolutions, cont'd: I will not allow myself to be abused, manipulated, sexualized, emotionally tortured, or victimized ever, ever again.
- @LemonadeCoyote According to my horoscope, February is my career month. Hopefully something cool will come up!!
- @LemonadeCoyote Ugh.. I'm dropping dead at work :<
Long hours and workouts
External Links
Lemonade Coyote
- FurAffinity - Cyrus
- FurAffinity - Lemonade Coyote
- Fursuiter Lemonade Coyote dies in crash while on EMT duty
Wrath of God
- Two furs badly injured, four dogs killed in horrific 80MPH hit-and-run - Four dogs thank God for putting them out of their misery
- Derek Paws reported dead after auto accident
- Porcelain Joe 'killed in a car accident'
- Furp killed in motorcycle accident
- Rest in Peace, Furp 11/8/1979 - 2/19/2009 - Love the profile pic
- Athus Nadorian, designer for Bad Dragon, reported dead