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Healthy Strokes
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>SheepBot at 06:43, 11 February 2014. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
Just when you thought you couldn't do anything else wrong, Healthy Strokes comes along to inform the internet that when it comes to masturbation, about 10% of men are DOING IT WRONG. As well as discussing Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome, the author also like to give advice to troubled youths.
Regular sessions of facepainting is an excellent therapy for TMS.
TMS
In the words of Healthy Strokes, "Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome (TMS) is the habit some males have of masturbating in a face-down (prone) position. Some TMS practitioners rub their penises against the mattress, pillow, or other bedding, while others thrust into their hand. Some rub against the floor." The main page then goes on to discuss the problems with this such as erectile dysfunction and taking at least 100 years to orgasm. Healthy Strokes also runs surveys and gathers case studies about TMS, clearly to prove what is currently only a theory. Though TMS's status as a theory is probably related to scientist spending there time working on other matters such as curing cancer and playing Playstation.
Advice
The various pages of questions on Healthy Strokes are full of lulz such as advising 12 year old girls to borrow their mother's vibrators, but ask permission first.
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I masturbate every night with my mom's vibrator. She caught me with it and told me that it is okay to feel horny and feel the need to have an orgasm. Is she just trying to make me feel better or is it okay to use her vibrator?
„
—12 year old girl, Internet
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Why don't you ask her? It's her vibrator and she should decide who gets to use it. Maybe you should ask her for your own for Christmas. (But don't open it in front of everyone on Christmas Eve.)
„
—Sexual Deviant, Healthy Strokes
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I wonder if it's okay to eat my semen?
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—Serious fucking question
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It's OK to eat your semen (but don't be a guzzler)
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—His answer...
There are plenty more like this in a variety of categories, and most sound as deranged as this.
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The head of my penis is a little blue (violet) and does it influence my sexual abilities?
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—Also known as Frostbite
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Well, now you know why some people call it the "purple-helmeted love nazi." As long as it has sensitivity and isn't downright cyanotic, you have nothing to worry about.
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—LOL what?
Also lulzworthy is this important piece of advice for all you young boys out there:
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Is it OK to masturbate in groups?
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—Retard, Internets
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Masturbation is supposed to be a solo activity. You should not engage in sexual behaviors with other people until you've been masturbating for a few years and are comfortable with your body. If another guy asks you to masturbate with him, tell him that it's a private activity. If he's not your friend, or if he's older and more experienced then you, it's possible that he wants to hurt you in some way, and you should tell a parent or another authority.
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—Fag, Healthy Strokes
Another lulzy quote:
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Sometimes I let my dog lick me on my vulva. It feels very nice. Is it OK? (age 13)
Having sex with a dog is definitely not OK.
„
—Note her age
And yet, proving Mr. Harvard Professor isn't as smart as he makes himself out to be:
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I'd guess 25% of men...
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Lo' and behold-HE ISN'T MASTURBATING SO IT MUST BE TMS :l
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I have been trying to keep my masturbation a secret. It is hard, though, because my bed is over a hundred years old (honestly), and whenever I move at all, it creaks and groans and yells. I am home alone a lot, but have a lot of things to do. I do not have time to masturbate at night, and my parents are up usually until 1:00 in the morning working, doing taxes, etc. I can't wait until everyone is asleep, because I will wind up being a sleepless zombie. How can I find time to masturbate, or keep the noise of my bed below 10000000 decibels?
„
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I don't blame you one bit. I'm not ashamed of masturbating, but I don't want the people who live near me to know whenever I do it. You don't mention TMS, but I'm suspecting you have it and that's why bed is the only place.
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—-Expurt Masturbatur, Healthy Strokes
Healthy Strokes Fap Clubs exist around the world, of celebs, near-celebs, any female who makes you wank off.
/b/'s influence
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I read your Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and I think you're a homophobe and a pedophobe. Telling guys not to masturbate with their friends and to alert authorities if someone older approaches them about masturbation is old-fashioned and irresponsible. You should be ashamed.
„
—Lulzy Anon
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Whatever is a pedophobe? If it's someone who's opposed to adults engaging in sexual activity with children, then I'm happy to be one. I don't think I'm a homophobe. I'm not against adults engaging in consensual activity with other adults. But I think more circumspection is necessary where young people are concerned. I wrote that article to warn young people about TMS and inform them about other aspects of masturbation. I also wrote it for parents to use to educate their sons. I think parents in particular want to see warnings against pedophilia and homosexual experimentation.
So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.
