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JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

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The creator of JoJo's, Hirohiko Araki at age 84.

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is a manga created sometime in the 1980s by some asian named Hirohiko Araki, because he had nothing better to do . This series is famous for Dio Brando. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is Shounen Jump's second longest-running manga ever, and because it is the origin of two memes, za warudo and WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, it is the only good manga to have ever been created. No exceptions.

Plot

An average scene in JoJo’s.

Because Araki has ADHD, there are eight different storyline arcs. These arcs are:

  • Phantom Blood
  • Battle Tendency
  • Stardust Crusaders
  • Diamond is Unbreakable
  • Vento Aureo
  • Stone Ocean
  • Steel Ball Run
  • Jojolion

Each arc of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure follows the same plot, which consists of a member of the Joestar bloodline pissing off Dio in some manner. No, really. The plots of each arc, in order, are basically about pissing off:

  • Vampire Dio
  • Homosexual Super Cavemen who indirectly created Dio
  • Moar Vampire Dio
  • People with supar powers because of vampire Dio
  • Vampire Dio's son
  • Father Bootylicious (Dio's bff) and one of Vampire Dio's bones.
  • Dinosaur Dio
  • ???

After succeeding at pissing everyone off, the JoJo of the arc either dies, or has babies. Or both. Nobody really cares about any of the arcs other than Stardust Crusaders, because life doesn't get any better than vampires that can stop time and drop fucking steamrollers on people.

Characters

All the characters are well-designed and realistic. The protagonist of each arc always has the term "Jo" somewhere in his/her name twice. Other characters are generally named after singers or bands, Italian food, or fashion companies. Sooner or later, they're going to be named them after memes. Sometimes though, Araki decides to be a normal Azn and make their names Japanese. The main characters for each arc are as follows:

Father Pucci's Father Bootylicious's stand, C-Moon.
  • Jonathan Joestar - Basically the OP of all the JoJos. No one cares about him because he got pwned by Dio.
  • Robert E.O. Speedwagon - Once threw a hat at Johnathan and became his BFF after Johnathan beats the shit out of him. Later on, all he really does for the rest of the series is shit himself when something scary happens. Araki then subsequently trolls the audience in every other installment of the series by murdering a Speedwagon descendant in each of them.
  • Dio Brando - The first troll in the series. He one day decides to troll Johnathan until he gets trolled himself. Since he doesn't want to appear butthurt, he turns himself into a vampire and trolls the Joestar family even after he's dead. Unfortunately, faggots are diluting his badassness by using "WRYYYY" as much as they quote Family Guy.
  • Joseph Joestar - Usually regarded by fans as the rough equivalent of Chuck Norris. Reappears again in the 3rd and 4th series as an old faggot with a stand that lets him tentacle rape. He is also well known for having the power of predicting what other people are about to say.
  • Jotaro Kujo - The Jojo who started the whole trend with stands in his arc. He's supposedly 17 when he's first introduced in the 3rd arc, but apparently looks like he's in his 30s, and every series he reappears in afterwards, he looks younger. Fangirls often make up fan art and/or fanfic about him having sex with his buttbuddy, Kakyoin. He kills Dio with a Falcon Punch at the end of the 3rd series. His stand is a blue she-male called Star Platinum that can fist at the speed of light.
  • Josuke Higashikata - Elvis Presley wannabe (his hair is a fucking pompadour) with money instincts of a Jew, which makes him the coolest JoJo out of all. He is apparently known for flipping out on anyone who makes fun of his ridiculous hair. His stand can fix shit and is also the biggest pussy because he's the only Jojo who doesn't have the balls to actually kill anyone. Though to be fair, he did turn someone that pissed him off into a living toilet, which counts for something I guess.
  • Giorno Giovanna - Dio's bastard child, which let him inherit some of Dio's win. Started out looking like a typical azn, but as he grew stronger, his hair turned yellow and his eyes became blue. His first stand was a weak piss-yellow bitch that did nothing but grow trees, but after it got stabbed by a magical arrow it gained the ability to divide by zero.
  • Jolyne Kujo - Was starred as the main heroine in the 6th series as a short break from the meat train of male JoJos, but due to his faggotry, Araki drew her like a man. Her stand is made of silly string.
  • Johnny Joestar/Gyro Zeppeli - Take Johnathan and Will from the first arc, and then make them 10 times gayer. Nobody gives a fuck about either of them because Johnny is a cripple who shoots his nails at people, and Gyro is a gay cowboy. Obviously these two were created after Araki had seen Brokeback Mountain one too many times.

Stands

Stands are the physical manifestation of whatever super power each JoJo's character has. They first appeared in part three, and were given a name based on their color and the given tarot card. Later Araki got fucking lazy, so he decided to start naming them after songs/bands. It can be noted that Araki is a lazy fuck, and every final boss has a stand with some sort of time ability. At least 80% of these make no fucking sense without a tl;dr explanation. The most recent involves speeding up time so fucking fast the universe resets. Meanwhile, living things don't get sped up, which leads to them getting pwnd by things as simple as automatic doors.

Pictures

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


See Also

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is part of a series on

Anime

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