Magic Day

This article needs a serious clean up Somebody should do something about it.

The first day of the new year to achieve a warmth significant enough to induce a widespread shedding of the puffy, heavily concealing, and unflattering winter coats and garments worn by women in favor of more revealing and figure enhancing clothing, particularly sundresses. Highly anticipated by straight college males across the U.S. and ostensibly the globe, Magic Day occurs annually during the Spring in populated areas with humid continental climate (e.g. the Midwest or East Coast) as well as other climates that are characterized by a shift from a distinct and COLD Winter to a warm and pleasant Spring. As a result, its recognition, appreciation, and celebration is limited to individuals that have experienced a long and harsh winter, with there existing a positive correlation between the severity of the preceding winter and the magnitude of Magic Day related phenomena in a given location. These phenomena predominantly affect straight males and include but are not limited to: increased clumsiness, inability to focus, dazed stupor, loss of coherent speech, drooling, excessive douchiness or masculine overcompensation, and in extreme cases, spontaneous ejaculation.

Magic Day’s significance extends beyond a mere celebration of seasonally activated eye candy, as it has been credited with curing ailments such as depression, erectile dysfunction, and giving men a whole new appreciation for both life and women.

The exact date of Magic Day is variable, dependent on geographic location, and the length and vicissitudes of the preceding winter. In the humid continental US, Magic Day typically occurs in late March or April, but can sometimes occur as late as May.

Much like the aurora borealis is best experienced from the North Pole, Magic Day is best experienced on a college campus quadrangle, or “quad” due to the abundance of open air, taut skin, and firm buttocks. Cold beer, frisbees, footballs, baseballs, and in rare cases--even hula hoops are the diversions of choice utilized by college male celebrants, ideal for disguising the true purpose of their presence on the quad from the sundress sporting goddesses that are usually unaware of the collective spellbinding effect they have on men on this day, hence its name. Celebrants also commonly come equipped with sunglasses for the benefit of discreet ogling.

Following the extreme sensory deprivation and cold of Winter which, for most was alleviated by nothing more than the sight of pr0n, yoga pants, and for the lucky few a tropical vacation, weary winter-worn men may exhibit outlandish testosterone motivated behavior on Magic Day attributable to the sudden transition from months of consistently modest winter fashion to large unexpected quantities of skin, scantily clad women, and quite simply, boobs.

All of these seemingly harmless things that are taken for granted during the Summer can present quite a shock to the male psyche still stuck in winter turtleneck mode. Relatively speaking, a transition from a large shapeless parka to daisy dukes and a tank top within a span of a few weeks is comparable to going from playing footsie to full on sex within minutes. Consequently, many men on Magic Day will find themselves inexplicably physically attracted to girls they never expected to be attracted to, sometimes leading to unintended consequences.

Usage

Bro: I don’t know how I’ve never noticed, but your sister’s HOT man. Dude: Shut the fuck up.

Bro: Dayum son! Have you seen the quad? It’s Magic Day Bro! Dude: Noooiiiice! Let’s grab the frisbee and some brewskis and head over there! Girl: What the hell is Magic Day? Dude: Don’t worry about it. It’s magic. Hey bro, have you seen my Ray Bans?

Girl: *on the phone with gf* Omg its so gorgeous out! I’m wearing that cute sundress I got at H&M omg. Girl 2: OMG I KNOOOWWW I'm wearing short shorts and a tank top. Girl: So my boyfriend just ditched me for some “Magic Day” shit, like wtf? Isn’t that a card game or something? Girl 2: Whatever, guys are weird, let’s go hula on the quad! Girl: Kk!

Dude: W00000t Magic Day! Have you seen my hula hoops? Bro: Uhh, yeah, your gf did your manhood a favor and took them with her. Dude: Hey, don't criticize my methods of seduction brah. How do you think I met her?

Bro: Bro its Magic Day! ASU Bro visiting on spring break: The fuck is Magic Day? Bro: Oh. Right. You and your year-round pool parties. Fuck you!

Dude: Josh broke his nose playing catch on the quad. Too busy watching the hula girls to notice Jake’s throw. HAHA. Bro: Yeah, well I rear ended a car at a red light because I was too busy checking out this babe walking down the street… Magic Day at work forya.

Studies

A study examining regional hospital records and insurance claims in conjunction with corresponding regionally documented Magic Days found a strong correlation between the incidence of accidents attributed to distraction (e.g. fender benders, failed frisbee catches, walking into street posts, etc.) and Magic Day.