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Asalieri/Enemies
Angry Joe
about to prolapse.
Asalieri and Angry Joe go together like mongooses and snakes. Asalieri can't stand the guy's mug and overacting in his reviews; compared to Asalieri's boring and bland videos where he sits in front of a camera and talks about people he hates with out of context information, quotes, etc. The irony is that while Angry Joe overreacts, Asalieri does the opposite but, of course, Asalieri finds his mindless blathering more entertaining.
To cement his bitter hatred towards Angry Joe, Asalieri created a parody character known as Pissed Jose, who's basically Angry Joe, if Angry Joe was morbidly obese, had pubic hair on his chin, talked like a pretentious, unintelligent, stereotypical Mexican and ate Tacos all day. Yeah, and this guy thinks that Doug Walker is unfunny. Even more annoying is his poor attempt at being funny. If Asalieri would have gotten Angry Joe's ethnicity correct, maybe it would have actually mattered. Instead, Asalieri saw Angry Joe had a big mustache and guessed that he was Mexican. The parody was so poor that Asalieri quickly ended the amazingly popular series to bitch more about other reviewers, although one can assume that Asalieri cancelled the character in fear that it proved more autobiographical than he expected.
Later, Asalieri created a response video to AJ's ID copyright claim rant. Before Angry Joe in his rant degraded to a rather childish pathos, he actually made good points. Eric Gaede, however, repeatedly tried to make his opponent look like a greedy piece of shit (Ironic, isn't it?), called him unimaginative for relying on other people's clips and told him to stop using them. Everybody rightfully railed on Asa for his douchebaggery and hypocrisy, as his entire RaR uses material belonging to other people.
AVGN
A hundred years ago, Asalieri made two valid videos deconstructing a few of the Angry Video Game Nerd's reviews, as a part of his useless RAR series. In one video, he compared AVGN's declining quality with a lesser-known, yet up-and-coming, OCD nerd retro game reviewer named Roo. The video was taken down twice by Mike Mattei, AVGN's right-hand man and sexual sock puppet. Upon this, Asalieri wussed out and called a truce with Mattei -- which instantly drained Mr. Gaede of all credibility, especially in terms of his continual spouting (at least once per video) that he has no problem calling people on the Internet out on their stupidity and telling it like it is. The other video involved him riffing on the AVGN's horrendous 100th episode alongside Iron Liz's sister Razorfist, which should have been the first part of a final comparison between the AVGN and the Irate Gamer. When Mike Mattei saw the video, he proceeded to take it down in order to reminiscence the good old days. Naturally, Asalieri not only wussed out for the second time in a row and made another goddamned truce with Mattei (because the internet is srs bsns), but also never made the 'real' comparison video as promised, possibly in fear of Mattei taking it down as well. Way to ruin your credibility, dumbass.
In early 2012, AVGN opened up a donation drive to fund his movie. At first, this didn't really become a concern, that is until AVGN kept the drive going, when it reached far beyond what he originally requested. This, of course, sparked attention to Asalieri, who uploaded a series of shitty parody videos, including one insubstantial video accusing the AVGN for being greedy (read more at the bottom) and then likely went on AVGN's ED page and posted about it there. Of course, Asalieri's nutsack lickers bought this hook, link and sinker and vilified James Rolfe as the devil for this "evil scheme". Because in a world besieged with war, conflicts, mass shootings and a ruinous economy, the news that an Internet celebrity is asking for money is a big thing on the Internet these days.
Yahtzee
After Escapist Magazine's failed attempt for a donation drive to get Yahtzee from Zero Punctuation to PAX 2011, it was inevitable that Asalieri would get off to such news, since he apparently has nothing else to do with his life. So he posted a few videos about it, including a RAR on Zero Punctuation. Views poured in on this RAR in particular, as well as very short unnoticeable internet drama that came with it due to Asalieri congratulating everyone who told Yahtzee he was stupid.
The Hardcore Kid
Sometime after Asalieri attempted to start e-drama with TGWTG over Spoony leaving. A YouTube user by the name of "The Hardcore Kid" added Asalieri to his top list of "Smegged up YouTubers," sharing the epic spot of number 7 with JFreedan. Of course, soon after, Asalieri posted a video in which he, again, proceeded to insult everyone involved with the list, even the ones of whom had nothing to say about him. In Hardcore Kid's video, he proceeded to copy and paste content from Asalieri's ED article into notepad, and then proceeded to give it to the two other people who were going to discuss Asalieri with him. While the video was bashed by those who knew about the ED article and Asalieri's fans of course. People from other sites thought it was well put out, and all was fine for...less than a week.
Asalieri's response was, to put it simply. Just him pretending all the nonsense he had spewed to his fans was not as bad as people were making it. Going as far as to pretend him getting rejected from Reviewtopia didn't matter when he made his butthurt video about them in the first place. Also when his AVGN bullshit video was brought up, he continued to support it, even though he had still not shown any evidence of what he was saying was true at the time. The response video also shows that Asalieri is also incapable of pressing the pause button, as shown when a key piece of information was displayed in Hardcore Kid's video of Asalieri's fans raging at a video because Asalieri was not #1 in a top ten video. Most of the video is Asalieri doing what he does best. Throwing out ad-homonym attacks in all directions. Going as far as to make fun of how Hardcore Kid looked. Even though he looks almost exactly like RazorFist, if he would cut his hair once in awhile and was actually Asalieri's size.
So some of you may be asking. Where are these videos mentioned? Well it turns out that not only is Hardcore Kid extreme lazy in doing his research, but he is also a massive coward. Shortly after Asalieri's videos were made. The two other people who talked with Hardcore Kid about Asalieri in Hardcore Kid's video, came out with an apology video each. In both, they claim they were pretty much given a script from Hardcore Kid, and was told to read because they were "pressured on time." Pretty much showing they had no clue about what they were talking about, and just went along bashing someone they knew barely anything about. You would think Asalieri would point this out, but Asalieri ignored it, because they both had already started sucking Asalieri's e-peen. Hardcore Kid on the other hand, went into a Skype conversation with Asalieri and Templar Gamer (because Asalieri can't have an internet debate by himself anymore). In the apology video made by Hardcore Kid, he pretty much says that he still stood by what he said in the video. However when he was brought into the Skype conversation, in typical Asalieri fashion, he played off his mean spirited nature, and put on a big smile for Hardcore Kid. What was the goal of Asalieri? Well all was made clear when Hardcore Kid said that Asalieri asked him to take his video down, and in exchange would take his own down. (Mission Accomplished!) So even though Hardcore Kid still stood by what he said, he still took his video down because "He didn't want all the drama on his page." Indeed, he didn't want drama on his page with a small amount of subscribers, and he didn't want drama on his page even though he made it very clear he knew how Asalieri's fanbase was. Here you go ladies and gentlemen, the biggest coward to grace YouTube.
So everyone won correct? Well not exactly. See, on Hardcore Kid's apology video, one of Asalieri's fanboys came in to say that Hardcore Kid was fine and respectable, but the others in his video were meanies. Hardcore Kid then proceeded to say that they were rude and harsh. That's right. Hardcore Kid said the people who were reading his script, were mean and rude with what they said. However with the other two apology videos, Asalieri's fanboys claimed that Hardcore Kid was the asshole. While this was going on no attention was being brought to why Asalieri was still an asshole. Not only this, but Hardcore Kid, remade the top 10 video, and removed Asalieri's part, but left the spot Asalieri was sharing with, JFreedan, in. Thus making Asalieri look like a hero in the end. Resulting in a lose-lose for Hardcore Kid, while Asalieri walked off laughing hysterically.
As of August 2013, Asalieri has put the videos talking about Hardcore Kid and some other reviewers back up on his channels, breaking his deal.
Linkara
DO IT FAGGOT!
In May of 2013, a new chapter in Asalieri's eternal vendetta against TGWTG.com (and, by extension, online capitalism) had begun. Ever eager to stir up drama, this time over a video made by Linkara on YouTube regarding adblocking. It wasn't the first time the fatass took potshots at "Uncle Linky", as there were a couple of swipes back in October 2010, at least one troll comment, and an RAR episode dedicated to him, hosted by fellow circlejerker Afr0blu3. Asa uploaded another drama-laden video onto YouTube whining about how he ought to get "a real job" like "flipping burgers" and stuff, which is ironic since Asalieri had a job working as a Wal-Mart clerk, a job even "less real" than "flipping burgers", and now he is probably sitting at home collecting welfare. So wait, who needs to get a "real job" again?
Of course, none of Asalieri's retarded fans stop to think and realize that their idol ALSO HAS ADVERTISEMENTS ON SOME OF HIS OWN VIDEOS. That yellow line at the bottom of his videos is clearly not a stain on somebody else's monitor. Could it be that Asalieri is a giant hypocrite who puts his foot in his mouth and his face up his own elephant ass? Nah, it must be Youtube's fault. Needless to say, the users on TGWTG forums had a field day with all of his raving.
So next time folks, if you see that obese dirtbag bitch at other people for making money off of ads, bring THIS to his attention and hear him try to defend himself that he never cares about money, that he makes these videos to tell it as it is and those that criticize him for it are just defending their beloved Internet heroes.
Jfreedan
About to go on a jog.[1]
Asaleri's father, Super Spy and blackmailing device of Jfreedan.
After all that bullcrap with AVGN and the ROB Review drama, all was well and good, for a very short time, until Asalieri met Jfreedan (Carey Ray Martell).
At first, Asalieri actually made a somewhat positive RAR on him, since he seemed innocent enough, that is until Next Thursday.
Carey called out on one of Asalieri's friends (Joey Roo) for being a racist for using the term "JRPG" by making a 19 minute response video to Roo's JRPG video. This attack infuriated Asalieri and he made a commentary/parody video on that said video. Asalieri at first said the video entitled "Running Faggot," was uploaded "accidentally," as he was trying to test and see if he could actually upload a video at the time. Because we all know, if you want to test and make sure you can upload something. Make sure it is offensive and idiotic with a drama starting title.
Asalieri's main YouTube account was terminated due to numerous third party complaints from subjects of Asalieri's Reviewing a Reviewer show and fanboys of said subjects Carey Martell, who takes the Internet way too fucking seriously. After Asalieri had one video removed by JFreedan, Asalieri decided to use his brain and...uploaded another video about JFreedan, and was shortly removed causing a second strike. People now knew that JFreedan had the ability to remove his videos and if Asalieri were to upload another video his account would obviously be suspended. So Asalieri did the only logical thing he could do at that time and...uploaded a third video against JFreedan, ultimately causing his account to be suspended and many LuLz to be had. On his alternate channel, he continues to pour nonsense into the minds of others, and is still being stalked by Jfreedan to this day. JFreedan, shortly after the Asalieri drama was over decided to stop the issue with a debate, in which Asalieri recorded his version which just so happened to have JFreedans voice distorted to the point that he is incoherent. Asalieri fanboys continue to roam rampant on JFreedans channel. You can find out all about this war and Jfreedan, on his own article, since Asalieri and his drones helped make it.
Jfreedan had an ace up his sleeve and after doing some research discovered the history of Asalieri's father. In that he was a double agent for several communist nations by supplying them with secrets from various US computer manufacturers and was b& from ever stepping foot on American soil again. Unfortunately, bringing up the sins of the father shot Jfreedan in the foot and branded him a piece of shit for accusing Asaleri of crimes he did not commit. Asalieri is actually proud of his father, and who can blame him? I mean your father will never be as infamous as his.
The War Room
Jfreedan always appeared paranoid that the there were people out to get him. As crazy as it sounded, it was actually true. There was an underground skype group dedicated on the destruction of Jfreedan's channel called "The War Room". While at first it was made by some of Asalieri's top goons, eventually Asalieri DID get himself somewhat involved in this. The best part is that one of the founders of the group was an admin and troll of some furry porn imageboard. The group lasted for several months, basically plotting many ways to destroy the running flaggot, until it went too far and Jfreedan was having his adsense spam clicked. While The War Room was long disbanded, there still exists a tl;dr chatlog of it. Here it is, go ahead and read how Asalieri and his fanbase really is. [2]
That Guy With The Glasses
When Asalieri started skulking around TGWTG, he found that the people who did reviews on there were vastly inferior to him. So he started posting garbage and soon enough attempted to start e-drama with the members of the site and the fans on TVTropes. Shortly after he was banned from the TGWTG forums. Hinting that this was the first website that shot him down for insinuating drama. Shortly after, he started complaining on an almost daily basis about how bad TGWTG was and how it contained a bunch of talentless people. Compared to his EPIC AS FUCK Microsoft Paint skills, and his GODLIKE use of his 240p webcam. When nobody fought back with him he resulted to making short articles about TGWTG members and thus gained him epic Kudos with Busy Street. With a website now backing him up, he began to make videos against Angry Joe from TGWTG on a regular basis.
Also Asalieri and David Savage released a movie called Punchdickia, an unfunny parody of Kickassia (which was already a stupid movie to begin with) , starring Game Boob and Pissed Jose, that offers eternal proof that Youtube members are not cut out to be filmmakers, let alone video recorders.
In September 2012, Doug Walker announced his plans to retire his Nostalgia Critic series, Asa's mindless legions of fanboys celebrated the news. Here's a sample of some of the radiant maturity of some of Asalieri's hordes:
—ramzarugliabeoulve, who probably considers his god Asalieri to be the infallible god of the internets. | ||
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Despite the fact that Walker was putting his creation on ice, some fanboys think that their god's mortal enemy is dead and is making way so there will be extra room for Asalieri's ever-burgeoning girth; however, only a few were actually able to look past this part to see Walker's plans to do other videos. A couple seemed optimistic that there would be times where he'd bring in other talents, but this presents a problem: 94% of Asa's fanbase sees Mr. Gaede (and by extension a few people in his circlejerk, unless he boots them out on some ridiculous whim) as the only talented person on the internets and that refusing him a role in anything is a complete travesty. To them, Eric Gaede is a living, international treasure who has done more for mankind than anyone else.
Everything was fine for the Asalieri Circlejerk and its numerous fans until...
On January 22, 2013, Walker made it public that he was going to un-retire his Nostalgia Critic series (possibly in conjunction with the failure of his Demo Reel show). It can be most certain that Asalieri's army of fans will behave in the same fashion shown above (i.e. making sure that their God-Fatass gets to hog the limelight). Let's take a look at what his channel comments say...
—CraneExperience, a conspiracy theorist who had a cameo in Gaede's shitty Punchdickia video. | ||
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You guys do not disappoint.
Irate Gamer Sucks Blog
Asalieri, deciding that the drop from 100 subscribers a month for the Irate Gamer in 2011, to the 99 a month he was getting in 2012 was enough for him to claim that the Irate Gamer was a META topic, only losers talk about now. As compared to 2011 when absolutely nothing changed, and yet Asalieri defended his constant uploading of Irate Gamer videos as if a job still needed to be done. It turns out the only reason Asalieri all of a sudden "stopped" making Irate Gamer videos, is because his name was mentioned on the Irate Gamer Hate Blog. Shortly after, Asalieri shat out a video, full to the brim with typical insults only the META fatass himself or his fanboys could come up with. Oh and if you don't like the Irate Gamer, then according to Asalieri you are an AVGN fanboy. Thus crating a paradox of Asalieri not liking AVGN or Irate Gamer and blasting a hole in the space time continuum. Asalieri after posting two comments in response to the ocelot of hate and dislikes coming his way, all of a sudden went mute on the subject. Thus proving You only stop talking about the Irate Gamer when Asalieri does!
In the wake of Cinemassacre's Cheetahmen 2 debacle, Irate Gamer made a funny parody of it. Asalieri saw the video and automatically declared Irate Gamer to be "officially cool", proving that the adage "the enemy of my enemy is my ally" rings true with Asa. However only when it is convenient and at a much pettier level. As soon as the Irate Gamer farts in a way that doesn't satisfy Asa, he will be back sucking the AVGN's dick Roo's dick. Not to mention that in the past, he had also made an alliance with Game Dude over something similar. When Asalieri made a video where he basically read and tried his bestest to make the comments on the website look bad by sounding like a witch, the video was taken down soon after for the lulz. However it could have easily been child protective services, since in the video you can hear his child in the background making noises when he proceeded to shout such loving things as "shut the fuck up," and "SUCK MY WIENERRRRR!" Father of the year folks. Showing that sooner or later his channel will be gone again. In the video he also shows how awesome he is when someone mentioned that he has no friends by saying he was going to his only real life friend, Razorfist's house later that day, and then proceeded to show his massive amount of friends...on Skype. I'm pretty sure little Emily down the block has thousands of friends on the internet as well. Asa is jelly.
In 2014, Asa was mentioned in the IGS blog due to making an appearance in one of Boring Man's videos. This of course gave him an excuse to start yet another petty drama and attack the bloggers, saying that they masturbate to the hate of him. Later, after getting crushed by intellectually superior Mr.Kill Ultra in the discussion, he tried to call a truce by promising an apology video, but continued on insulting the members behind their back on his channel discussion page.
—Asalieri, about Mr.Kill Ultra. What a peace-maker. | ||
Like a pussy, he deleted the comments on his channel to hide the truth, but everybody already saw it.
Reviewtopia
AKA TGWTG rejects
After massing an army of idiots, and after sucking TGWTG's Roo's cock religiously for the past few months, Asalieri decided that his subscriber count warranted him a spot on the upcoming website Reviewtopia. However, he was shot down for a second time. This time because they realized all he would do is bitch about people he had differing opinions with, rather than talk about the actual reviews. However his buddy He11sing920 got a spot. This caused much butthurt with Asalieri, so he spent the next few weeks complaining about how bad the site that he previously wanted to join was. Comments include such classics as, "They are all Virgins/idiots/furries/fags/idiots/idiots/virgins/idiots." as stated in a needlessly long video on the subject. He even went as far as to throw generic insults at every single person signed up for the site going in order as they were pictured. Until of course he got to He11sing and went easy on him, not wanting to lose his 10k+ subscriber buddy. After his rant, he proceeded to up his ego by inviting three fucking seven of his friends into Skype, and thinking it was such a good idea all of a sudden to have a debate with seven of his bros backing him up, he invited the owner of the website to the Skype conversation in order to whine and ask why he was not accepted. Needless to say, they take no time with bashing the website. Only later to try and make Busy Street look like a valuable website and try a merger with Reviewtopia. The drama ended abruptly since Asalieri did not want people to know he tried to join the website, and the video that displayed all this was removed from YouTube. (IT'S BACK)