Kpop

Fans listen to it for the plot

According to the rest of the world, this is the only pop artist in South Korea

Kpop (also known as Korean pop music or "the general spammed on /mu/ every day") is what the Korean equivalent of weeaboos listen to when not fapping to the identical-looking girls in kpop music videos. Fans of k-pop will viciously defend their surgically altered waifus by constantly stating that kpop is not the same as that bland, sexualized, corporate-owned American pop music with songs that all sound the same by talentless and forgettable artists who don't even write their own songs, cliched lyrics about shit like love and being cheated on, mandated rapping sections that have no place in the song, stupid dances made for the song, and focus on the sexual/fashion appeal of the artists rather than on the music. You see, kpop is different. In kpop, you have boy bands and girl groups made up of talentless and forgettable singers who are owned by a music company that writes their songs which are about cliched shit like liking a guy or being cheated on by a guy while doing poses and dances in the music video. These songs have a mandated rapping section sung not by some coked-out nigger like Kanye West or Lil Wayne but by a Korean who can't rap. So if the song inevitably sucks, at least it wasn't tainted by the presence of a darkie. The artists are so faceless (literally,thanks to all the plastic surgery) that if they refuse to suck off their producer in a bathhouse they get replaced by another singer and none of their fans will notice since all Koreans look and sound exactly alike. Clearly, kpop is nothing like generic pop music.

The Music

Just like Koreans, all kpop sounds the same. This is because the music in South Korea, just like cellphones, cars, and souls, is treated as a commodity. Management groups owned by large conglomerates either have rights to an artist's soul or bundle up a random bunch of asians into a group like a Costco value pack. Groups are chosen based on looks alone. All members are taught how to dance and look sexy while lip-syncing their dubbed or auto-tuned lines. The companies decide what they sing, what they wear during concerts and photo shoots, how they act in public, and how much semen they must swallow from stock holders before their contract is renewed (This applies to both the male and female artists). To make more monies, the companies will take random members of a group and create a "sub-unit" which sings the same shit as the regular group but under a different name, thus creating the musical equivalent of DLC. The only variety in kpop is whether the bland studio-produced song is sung by an ultra faggy male idol, a young,skinny,light-skinned female idol, a girl group made up of said idols, or a hyper feminine boy band that makes Visual Kei look masculine by comparison. When a member complains that they want to be taken seriously, they are laughed out of the studio, replaced, and sacrificed to ensure next year's crop of nappa cabbage is plenty.

The Bands

Your average K-pop group

These men are perfectly straight

To reflect the fact that they are owned by their corporate overlords, kpop groups are categorized by ridiculous group names that sound like serial codes you would find on a price scanner after tagging an item at Walmart or stock names you would see on the NasDaq. Examples include:

• T-Ara
• 2NE1
• UKISS
• MBLAQ
• BAQX
• LEDApple
• 4Minute
• B1A4
• 5T1ME
• Girl's Generation
• FT Island
• KIM-T
• BEAST
• CNBlue

At least 3 of those names were made up. Can you guess which ones?

The Fans

Kpop fans are the musical equivalent of PewDiepie's audience and will viciously defend their genre and fapping material to the death. They swarm mu like a pack of socially-inept locusts, posting kpop generals left and right in order to impress the hipsters lurking the board with their "unique" tastes. Kpop fans are mainly korean weeaboos (Koreaboo) who try to stand out from the crowd of other ronery, anime-obsessed, basement dwellers by latching onto the culture of another asian country that isn't [[Japan].] What many of them don't know is that, like most idols and boy bands, Kpop is mostly marketed to a tween audience comprising of 14 year old Korean girls. In other words, kpop fans don't realize that they are the equivalent of Chinese manchildren fapping to One Direction. The kpop fandom is comprised mainly of: people who are actually Korean, Koreaboos, ronery men with yellow fever, fat twilight fangirls who drool over the hyper-faggy boy groups, and Filipinos who wish they looked more like the asian people in the music video rather than being the ugly asian bastard race.

Jenny Hyun

Last Thursday, a songwriter who wrote singles for groups like Girl's Generation named Jenny Hyun was scouring the interwebs for western pop songs she could steal when she came across pol. After browsing the board for less than 1.4 seconds, she became a nigger-hating, Korean nationalist who fought to maintain South Korea's racial purity from the evil forces of dark-skinned diversity. In response to a tweet made by professional boxer Floyd Mayweather about why some asian guy becoming a pro-basketball player was big news when black people do it all the time, Hyun responded rationally to his dumb comment by declaring the eradication of the black race. Below is a compilation of her Nuremberg speech. Meanwhile on the kpop scene, There is much anticipation over her new upcoming singles "HEIL★HEIL★HEIL♥HITLER-STYLE!" and "깜둥이가 다이 다이!".

After the media fiasco, Hyun responded with the following:

	“	I regret nothing	„
	—Jenny Hyun

Videos

The following videos will make you question your sexuality

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See Also

• J-pop
• mu
• South Korea
• fangirl

Kpop is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.