Portal:Trolls/Featured Article/Archive
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July 2014
BLACKB0ND or Ryan Galiber is an internet half-nigger who spends his spare time making bait videos for YouTube jewgolds. He is surprisingly wealthy, with the caveat that he obtained said money through welfare and his former KFC career (in which he was speedily dismissed after eating all the chicken wings he came across).
BLACKB0ND's videos do have a purpose, however; he elaborates upon why his opinion is always valid and claims to "speak the truth". His vocabulary would appear to be limited as demonstrated by the repeated use of the terms "clown", "social reject", "exposed", "damage control" and "cocksucker", the last being one which he utilizes to excess, due to an enormous amount of projection.
March
Cowkitty (aka Tamara Gray Smith) is an ugly spic cunt with a weird voice and a lisp that makes her sound clinically retarded. She chose the name Cowkitty because that's what you'll see if you're ever desperate enough to look up her dress.
An otherwise unremarkable soul, Cowkitty skyrocketed to internet stardom after rustling the jimmies of Anita Sarkeesian, a notorious feminist who has spent years trolling gamers with her shitty YouTube videos. This has made Cowkitty a legend in the eyes of Reddit and a symbol for the hordes of angry neckbeards who have a raging hateboner for Sarkeesian.
January
Kari Ferrel is a lot of things. She is a hipster. She is a gook. She is a criminal, Jew, she wants you to throw your hot dog down her hallway and she is wanted has been BUSTED for over $60,000 in bad checks in Salt Lake City, Utah. She has a sick chest tattoo of a phoenix or some nonsense and her hipster hip is adorned with an adorable "I <3 Beards" tattoo.
November 22, 2013
Conspiracy Theory is a secret cabal whose only design is to keep you from getting laid. There are forces aligning against your attempts to make money. Secret societies are lining up and scheming just so that you will never be successful. Mysterious factions gather under the full moon, attempting to bring the downfall of the world, just so that you will never lose weight, be attractive, or stop smelling like cheese. All of these things, these Conspiracy Theories, are the average internet slob’s excuse as to why he or she has become and remains such a goddamned loser. All conspiracy theories revolve around two things, fail and money.
June 6, 2013
Bill O'Reilly is a batshit insane old media hack and conservative shill. Like Glenn Beck, O'Reilly is not, strictly speaking, a "journalist", however he is considered a "pundit" and therefore doesn't know what he's talking about. When he isn't on a NAMBLA retreat with his good friend and founder of Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, he likes to yell at people and call them idiots because he can't wrap his brain around intellectual ideas which do not involve "mastering" his favorite pastime. Despite claims of an independent political viewpoint, Bill is a typical conservative butt-puppet.
