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Shane Dawson
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This article needs a serious clean up
Somebody should do something about it. |
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—piel10 | ||
Shane "Fucktard" Dawson (born July 19, 1988) is a YouTube man-whore, racist, faggot, and cross-dresser. Always begging for 5 stars, moar comments, moar subscribers, and moar money. Shane Dawson is the 3rd, 7th and 56th most subscribed on YouTube (he runs 3 channels, his latest consisting of all iPhone videos, and fucks the system up for everybody). Every other day, he makes a new, tasteless fail video, and it's on the YouTube homepage for the next 3-4 months.
He was born as Shane Yaw but changed his name to Dawson in 2008, in faith he got turned down as an actor because people thought he was Asian. That's right, Shane wants to be an actor.[1] As it turned out the real reason he was rejected is that he can't act for shit and he's a homo nobody with a stable mind wants to see.
Shane also says he won't have sex until marriage which is false because he had sex with his cats multiple times.
Most of his fans are fucktards, who belong to the cult of YouTube (the gods of the cult are Shane, RayWilliamJohnson, Shaycarl, Sxephil, iJustine, ect.)
Being a whore is for the cool kids
Shane Dawson was the person who made the disgraceful act known as "YouTube Whoring" popular to the mass-market. This crime to common sense is made of following ingredients:
- begging for 5 Star Ratings or Thumbs Up in every video you make; via annotations or shout out, however you want it (the coolest way to do it goes something like "OMG RATE 5 STARS FOR ME SAYING PENIS!!!!!11)
- begging for subscribers in same fashion as the 5-star-begging
- asking a random question that has nothing to do with the video to get more comments
- misleading title that has nothing to do with the video (ALLINCAPS)
- thumbnail pic that has nothing to do with the video; e.g. a woman with huge tits for a video about lung cancer (only for YouTube partners :'( )
If you follow these steps precisely, the views will flush in like the vomit will flush out of the viewers. Also, you are a YouTube whore now.
Important note: Shane, as well as the other YouTube-whores are breaking YouTubes' terms of service by using misleading thumbnails and titles. YouTube however, has double standards for people that make money for them. This basically means you are only allowed to break the rules if you are a YouTube partner, so be a YouTube-whore at own risk.
Learn how to name your videos from the master himself
- PHONE SEX
- WHO ARE WE?
- YOUTUBE GOT ME FIRED!
- KERMIT THE FROG AND ME
- CONGRATS! YOU'RE BISEXUAL! (SEND TO FRIEND VID)
- TWILIGHTS ON SO STFU! (SEND TO FRIEND VID)
- DIRTY LITTLE SECRET! (SEND TO FRIEND INTRO VID)
- I WANNA F#*CK YOU!!! (SEND TO FRIEND VID)
- I LOVE YOU (SEND TO FRIEND VID)
- LESBIAN ACTION!!! (SEND TO FRIEND VID)
This is for real by the way.
How to Make a Shane Dawson Video
- Smile and wave at camera, ask "hey, what's up you guys?"
- Find a hawt sexy picture of some chick on Google
- Make a video about nothing
- Act like a cunt for 3 to 10 minutes
- Add a few childish penis/vagina jokes
- Look shocked every 10 seconds
- Think you're funny
- Upload to YouTube
- Change the thumbnail to the hawt chick
- ???
- PROFIT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Bonus points for having emo hair and dressing up in drag as your entire family. And make fun of the Martin Luther King speech. (P.S.: Acting like some ghetto nigger almost guarantees that the video will get on the top viewed of all time list)
His "Characters" (AKA his excuse to crossdress and be racist/ a fag)
- His Aunt Hilda: An old bitch with serious partying issues, not funny at all.
- Shanaynay: An obvious attempt to impersonate a poor black ghetto woman, extremely stereotypical and stupid acting, always ends the episode by 'shooting' up a drug store/ back/ fast food place/ whatever the fuck employment he feels a ghetto black woman would work at
- Ned the Nerd: Stereotypical geek who never gets laid, the real Shane Dawson
- His mom: Yep, he's gone even [that far]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qzEIy0P-s0 .
- S-Deezy: A gangster who dresses w/ chains and other gangster things, but at funny at all, spends all his videos talking about how fucking GIANT his dick is (but, of course we know how much of a lie that is!)
More Faggotry
One day Shane found a new way to rip money off his fans other than by being a YouTube partner. Thus, the Shane Dawson t-shirt store was created.
So, if you buy one of these t-shits you are not only a disgrace to mankind, but you are also a walking fucking advertisement. Most of them include genius catchphrases like "SHANANAY IS MY HOMEGURL". Really fucking original, isn't it?. Also including ShaneDawsonTV on the bottom to make them even less appealing. If you see somebody wearing one of these shirt-rapes, punch him in the face. If you are related to that person, also make sure to commit suicide.
Update: His shirts, among other kewl merchandising, are available at Hot Topic now. If you want to be denunciated as the ass clown of your school, be sure to get at least one of those shirts as long as they are available. This guy's doing it right:
At least now nobody has to find excuses anymore for beating him up.
Song Parodies
For some reason, Shane has the idea in his head that if you can think of something that rhymes with the title of a popular song, then turn that into an actual song parody and fill it with dick jokes and cross-dressing that it will be "LIEK THE FUNNIES THING IVE EVAR SEEN, GAIZ". Here are a few examples:
Oh wow, he cross-dressed as his auntie and tries to get laid, sounds like every other fucking video he's ever made...
Here he shits on Fred, which is like horse shit shitting on bull shit. Either way, it's all shit. So he's just adding to the shit. notice how he intends "he totally likes to suck cocks" to be funny.
Worst failure to date
Sometime in August 2009, Shane Dawson uploaded his worst excuse of a video (that means something) yet. Not long after, even YouTube (well known for sucking Shane's e-cock) gave Shane the middle finger by pulling that crap down. Some people rumored that Shane himself flagged the video with a sockpuppet account to gain more sympathy (big, bad bullies at YouTube go against the little guy), but sadly nothing can be proven.
Here is the video for everyone who enjoys a nice, long facepalm:
TheStation
In July 2009 Shane Dawson, sXePhil, Lisa Nova, KassemG, Shaytards and DaveDays among other "comedians" created a new channel called "TheStation". It should have been a channel where they make collaboration videos, but what can you expect from a group of unfunny comedians? As you could already guess, they all perform the principles of YouTube-whoring. All in all it's an awful YouTube channel, there's not much else to say.
Wars with the YTwatchdog and TheArchfiend
These two brave men fought for justice, peace, American and the YouTube way!
Shane Dawson hate videos are very common. The YTwatchdog was the first man to attack Shane on his bullshit. The fight brought many epic lulz to us who enjoyed the YTwatchdog. Sadly, the shit hit the fan! Shane Dawson who got pwnt decided to get revenge on the YTwatchdog, so he used his Twitter to have a massive fan attack on the dog. People tried to contact PeTA, but it was too late. Shane made a YouTube video about his so called "hate" video, and the video got flagged by his fangirls. Resulting in the suspension of the YTWatchdog. The Ytwatchdog came back in the next few months, and he exposed him again. Shane this time only talked about it on Twitter.
TheArchfiend is your typical Eagles fan on YouTube and also a YTWatchdog fanboy and makes his rants almost like his(they even have annoying voices!). When YTWatch gave a shoutout to "Archie" in his recent video, it was said that "Archie" ejaculated for 48 hours, resulting of the town of Burlington New Joisey to be flooded with Archfiend goo. Always, saying what's on his mind and breaking his hypocritical code. But, he decided to do something useful for once, instead of bitching about the Cowboys beating the Eagles in the 2009-10 playoffs. He attacked Shane Dawson, using facts and epic lulz. But this shows the hypocritical side of The Archfiend, as he treats his own fans like shit and harasses them if they joke around with him on this AWESUM website, then ending up being banned, and blocked from his YouTube channel in the matter of 2 minutes. Most of Shane's fans couldn't even defend the douchebag What the fuck are you talking about?? NONE of them could defend him. Shane also unintentionally admitted being a whore. Even though he "Exposed" Shane Dawson. The Archfiend will never be considered a JewTube White Knight with his own set of secrets.
As of March 29, The Archfiend is no longer making videos due to personal reasons. intentionally made it seem like he was no longer making videos to make Shane fanboys jizz in their pants, however turns out he was only moving to a different home. (Get it, "I swear on the life of my family that I'll never turn on my camera and make another video in this room again"? )
Note: As of July 8th 2010 the Archfiend is suspended from YouTube due to bogus copyright claims. Shane fanboys rejoice. As of July 17th 2010 his account isn't suspended anymore.
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Third channel
In April 2010 Shane decided that his videos didn't have the worst amount of content and quality possible yet, so he made another channel where he could literally upload all the stuff he just pulls out of his ass. If this isn't bad enough yet, he films those videos with his iPhone, which "is known for its awesome recording quality".
The Archfiend took some time off his busy schedule to translate Shane's video into proper English:
What you can expect from the new channel
It's pretty much self-explanatory:
Death of Grandmother
In early May, Shane's grandmother passed away; this was covered at length on his third channel. Shane made a very emotional video in which he weeped openly over the loss of a beloved relative a valuable subscriber.
Shane's fans
Shane Dawson's fans are some of the dumbest and most annoying pricks in the Internet. They will defend their hero, no matter what and fail miserably at it, no matter what. In addition they can't write like decent human beings. You may find some on here. Here a few samples of what you can (or cannot) expect from them:
—mika15ful | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
"look u a gay as mother fucker with no heart and no taste" Said by this genius: [2] Shane Dawson fan protecting his hero.
Here more videos proving the subject: HOLD ON A MINUTE! This dumbass is insulting people for having bad grammar, yet he just said "Here more videos..."
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Shane is JEALOUS! "The Lost Episode"
Jennette McCurdy and WHATTHEBUCK had a conflict when Jennette McCurdy stopped following him(WTB) on Twitter because he was cussing to much and did not want her fans (who are young kids) to see that. Shane became butthurt, and then made a vlog bitching and complaining about how celebrities think they are better than everyone else. He has since deleted, because he is supposedly in the process of getting a show on Nickelodeon, and obviously was not the brightest thing he has done!(not like he ever has) Now you can view that video here!
Shane broke up with his boyfriend
Apparently Shane broke up with his buttbuddy and wants everybody to believe he's not gay now or some shit, might have also to do with his Nickelodeon shit that he doesn't want people to know he's a faggot anymore.
As we all know Shane needs jizz like a diabetes patient needs his insulin.
External Links
Shane's Main Channel- Shane's Second Channel
- Shane's third channel
- TheStation A collaboration of unfunny comedians
Shane's Twitter
Shane's Myspace
Shane's Facebook- Shane's Website, featuring BOTH of his YouTube channels
- His live show website
- He makes T shirts... LOL WUT
- He now has a TV Show. You may now weep
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Shane Dawson is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |