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Twinks

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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A top-end twink charges £50
A typical Twink
Some younger gays fail to qualify in the slim, attractive and lack of body hair categories, but try hard in other areas.
Twinks doing what they do best


Twinks are gay boys, ranging in age from 16 to 19 (seriously, anything past 20 is old in fag years), that are cloned in secret underground facilities somewhere in Nevada. From there, they are spread to the urban centers of the United States (with heavy emphasis on San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York City), where they infiltrate the local gay community and stir up drama through their promiscuous sexcapades and cunty gossiping. Some say it was a scientific experiment gone wrong or that the aliens dun it. Some say twinks released that information as propaganda to hide the true cause.

Twinks all look alike, though not exactly so, as their creators do occasionally introduce some variety into the general "mold" so that the mundanes do not catch on. Still, even factoring in these "variables," a twink is always attractive, in a tomboy-ish sort of way, with a slender but well-defined build and almost no body hair. The vast majority are blond and well-tanned, stand between 5'8" and 5'10" in height, and dress like they recently fell out of a GAP, Urban Outfitters or Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue (only, you know, larger).

On the Internets and LiveJournal, twinks are notorious E-donises and camwhores, and a good many suffer from Internet disease. Indeed, twinks are often the worst sort of camwhores, somehow managing to outshine even the most exhibitionistic sixteen year-old girls and attention whores. 3D Animator and self-confessed twinker Leigh Russell (Australia's most well known queer after Ian Thorpe) has been modelling his twink boy lovers and posting them online since the dawn of the internet.[1]

Seduction

If you wish to have dirty dirty bumsex with a twink, you must follow certain guidelines:

  • Once you have approached a twink, you will find a slot halfway down his back. Most twinks cost only 10 cents per hour, but some particularly high-class twinks charge a quarter or more.
  • After spotting a twink, if you wish to engage in intercourse, you should use the code phrase "Cleveland Steamer". It will know what it means.
  • Do not forget to change your twink's batteries every 40 hours.
  • Most twinks are machine-washable, but some may require dry-cleaning. Check the box for more information.
  • Twinks are universally self-lubricating. Should one begin to secrete a viscous red substance from its rectum during anal intercourse, do not worry: this is just the natural lube.
  • Twinks do not require oxygen in order to survive, and are, in fact, fully capable of breathing underwater. However, as their craniums are filled with empty space, it is necessary to firmly hold their head below the water in order for them to activate this function.
  • Be careful though, there have been reported some fatal accidents related to underwater sexual intercourses with twinks. Scientists claim that this is due to their faulty recharging system which sometimes causes short circuits.

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