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Alan Barnes

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Alan Barnes is the nomme de guerre of an ancient alien intelligence sent by masters beyond space and time to infiltrate the unsuspecting town of Gateshead in the north of England.

Like many of his unearthly race he is of diminutive stature (four feet and six inches) and distinctive appearance.

In January 2015, a brave resistance fighter attempted to thwart this advance guard of the forthcoming invasion, but without success. Humanity is therefore doomed.

The Close Encounter

On January 25, 2015, "Alan Barnes" was installing a graviton-assisted hypercommunications link under the guise of putting out his so-called "wheelie bin" when the earthling freedom fighter struck without warning.

"Alan Barnes" sustained bruising and a fractured "collarbone". However since he is equipped with regeneration nanotechnology, it is believed that he will soon be able to continue the slow enslavement of the human race.

He is able to calculate instantly precisely how many days any human he encounters has been alive.

They walk among us: Evidence

Look at the fontanels on that!
The last sight you will ever see...

See also

Extraterrestrial links

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