Psytrance

Psytrance is a form of music enjoyed by autistic white people with dreadlocks. Much like leprosy, enthusiasts ruin everything they touch, but are thankfully easy to spot. Sounds like shit, even on drugs.

Way back... long, long, long ago.. God said, "Let there be Psytrance" and when Simon Posford saw the light, he stood up, pulled down his pants and released a large epic crap on his brand new shiny Roland TB-303 and thus was Goa PsyTrance born. And it was good. Sometimes. Well, Occasionally.

simon blew bubbles before he blew psytrance

Psytrance was created by white hippies who visted, and then subsequently decided to take over, Goa India in an effort to obtain lulz. The virus carrying Wookies enjoyed lots of psychedelics - especially LSD (before the great lsd bust of 2000) and talking to "Aliens" (who turned out to be pedophiles) then created an entire sub-culture of an annoyingly similar-to-shit form of techno music.

Over time "Goa Trance" evolved into 39812934158 sub-genres including, but not limited to: Psytrance, Prog trance, minimal, trauma, France, neuro, Suomi, Aussie, Forest,Unicorn, scary, evil, morning, shit, fluffy, banging, The Hammer, Israeli, Cult of Gil and most pathetically, something called 'Psydub.' Most of it is unoriginal and spawns a lot of lulz; however, when high on drugs, people seem to dance to it. And if the drugs are not cut with shit may even reach the ultimate zen of a Unicorn Orgy.

One day after the auditory almost rape became too much, a group of people went on a small acid trip and joined forces and created a cult named Chickenhed as a way to counter the banality of the "scene" (although they quickly became everything which they had originally joined together to oppose). Around the same time, some terrorists got together and started a forum to talk about all things relevant to fat 13-year-old boys.

Artists

nothing refuels a hard night of poking fire like Sparks(tm)

The most popular songs and artists all involve drug use and/or aliens.

The best name is of course Logic Bomb, for it is most representative of their listening base.

There are also collaborations between Paris Hilton and Infected Mushroom as well as projects involving Shpongle and the formerly-of-Phish cocaine addict Trey Anastasio. Neither project is worth finding on MySpace.

The new album out by Younger Brother would have been better if Robert Smith of The Cure sang on it. The vocalist they got sucks and ruined the entire album.

Regional Differences

As with television, Psytrance from different regions paint 16 year old girls differently. In the Northwest region of the USA (specifically Oregon), they burn babies in fires called XLR8R's. In Sweden, they get mad erections while listening to the same faggotry drum beat over and over. In Israel, they commit jihad on anyone who talks shizzle about that dickhead Erez. There are a lot of likenessesses between the regions though. Each region thinks theirs has the most superior form of acid dance music. Unfortunately, there has been no kind of Rocky Balboa championship boxing contest to determine a real winner. Like your mom, this winner-takes-all contest to decide who reigns GODLY is simply frontin' on my dick!

Future Ramifications

In a century from now, long after the world ends on 2012 from a camp fire holocaust, PsyTrance will be remembered as music those kids-who-listen-to-too-much-Pacman-sounds-while-thinking-DMT-will-bring-them-enlightenment jammed out to all night long. Too bad some never got the memo.

Psytrance Archetypes

Like many scenes, there are archetypes that sub-divide a sub-divided group even more. It is important, however, that these groups are labeled so we can judge people at parties without talking to them and in many cases even seeing, hearing, or smelling them. Thankfully, the good folks and contributors at TranceAmericana(defunct) have done this for us already. These accurate descriptions of Psytrance party attendees include, not only the artist, dj/drug dealer, and vj, but more important archetypes such as the cokehead, drug nerd, psysnob, naked guy, jaded promoter, russian israelis, DJ groupies, fake indians, and many many more.