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User:Faggotmaximum
am writing article about some fag on the internet:
Golfinho
Golfino is a furfag and groundbreaking animation genius who dwells in the rectal catacombs of Newgrounds. Since most people would projectile vomit at the sight of this hideous abomination of a website, it can only be assumed that Golfinho is insane or has ulterior motives in his being there. While most flash 'animators' on Newgrounds are humourless fucks pandering to their thirteen-year old fanbase with terrible cartoon pornography, Golfinho is a special and unique snowflake who artfully forges beautiful artistic masterpieces.
Like a bottle of lucozade filled with aids-infected piss, Golfinho lures his victims into viewing his flash submissions by employing misleading names such as 'super mario hentai porn'. Unsuspecting autists franticly click and eagerly endure the loading screen, firmly grasping their tiny cocks. The flash finally loads and the betrayed viewer is treated to an exquisitely animated vision of mario shitting into yoshi's mouth while furiously masturbating. Or sonic recreating 1guy1jar.
More frequently however, Golfinho will make what sounds like a harmless flash, only for it to be filled with scat, gay sex, pedophilia and all the other common furry sex acts. This often results in much revulsion and hurt butts(protip: go to reviews, sort by ratings, last page).
Why newgrounds users find this disgusting remains a mystery as Newgrounds itself is the internet equivlent of a bunch of people shitting into each other's mouths.
In spite of this, Golfinho has an ever growing fanbase of vocal followers who frequently uprate and post positive reviews on his work. Since the average NG user doesn't understand the concept of comedy, it can be reasonably deduced that the vast majority of his followers actively pleasure themselves to these videos.
Quantum lulz paradox: Dual faggotry/anti faggotry coexistance.
Though at first glance it may seem that Golfinho is just messing with people, dedicated internet scientists have calculated that the amount of time he's spent reviewing and favoriting other people's gay furry scat pornography heavily sugest that he may in fact posses astronomical levels of hyperfaggotry.
One potential symptom of this is his association with internet tough guy, pedophile and all round sick fuck TheRealShadman. Experts have worked out that after viewing Shadman's image gallery the required aplication of eyebleach is five million times as much as Golfinho's. The leading hypothesis for the explanation of this phenomenon is that Shadfag's gay, underage, pokemon porn was legitimately made for his own sexual gratification.
—Newgrounds administrator Mindchamber referring to Shadman's guro pedophilia as art. |
It would stand to reason that since Shadnigger's sickfuckery is generally adored by the Newgrounds user base, Golfinho has little trolling benefits to yield by supporting him. It would then nessessarily follow that Golfinho either does it to maintain an image or is a cocksmoking pedophile faggot, the form of which we cannot grasp.
The moral of the story
Everyone on Newgrounds is an abhorent sick fuck, except possibly Golfinho.