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United States Marine Corps
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USMC: U Signed the Mother-Fucking Contract (sometimes also United States Child Molesters)
Origins
The Marines began their humble beginning where most awesome organizations start, In a bar! The United States Marine Corps was founded in Tun Tavern in 1775 by a bunch of drunken idiots who thought it would be cool to shoot shit. Many Marines were required to provide their own food, alcohol and rifle to be eligible for enlistment in the organization. Much to their surprise, shooting shit on a cold boat in the middle of the ocean was a lot less fun then when talked about in drunken bar conversation.
After this humble beginning, many Marines take pride in their heritage by doing what they did at their founding. Getting drunk and eating lots of cake. They do this every year on November 10th, the day that they founded their "military institution".
Mission
The Marines have two missions:
Mission One:
Drink as often as possible, steal other peoples girlfriends, go to strip clubs as often as possible (to contract an STD), pick bar fights with people weaker than themselves (you), say how great life is in the military.
This mission is usually underway during any period of time not spent fighting in Middle-of-Goddamn-Nowhere, Bumfuckistan. Most Marines consider it their personal mission to annoy and piss off as many people as possible during peace-time because they have nothing else to do but masterbait and play video games. This makes them very effective trolls which possess near-lethal levels of unwarranted self importance.
Mission Two:
To be dropped off in the middle of some wasteland with little to no supplies, ammunition, and weapons- then be expected by superiors to kill and destroy everything in sight based off of pure bloodlust motivation (see: R. Lee Ermey). Involves trolling each other between killings.
Website
The Marine Corps website was designed with teenagers in mind. That is, designed to warp the minds of young masochistic kids who barely made it through high school and didn't stand a chance in hell after they'd graduated of being accepted into any college. It was not designed with you in mind, however.
Typical marine behavior
Fun Facts
- There was once a Marine who was able to stay sober throughout the first 24 hours of his carrer.
- Most Marines consider it an accomplishment to be able to beat up someone weaker than themselves (see: you).
- Marines are great at BDSM! As long as they are on top!
- Marines save water, by fucking your girlfriend in the shower.
- Marines make you feel safe, by fucking your mom in her bedroom.
- Many Marines have shot children.
- Many Marines have enjoyed shooting children.
- Many Marines have enjoyed shooting children into your girlfriend.
- Marines have accomplished the mission by killing everything in sight.
- Marines have mastered master baiting silently.
- The highest position allowed for niggers is the Sgt Maj of the Marine Corps.
See Also
