Telus

Canadians, generally strangers to modern technology, can now use cell phones to discuss their feelings of hockey and how goddamned cold it is, thanks to TELUS.

In this current ad, Telus uses furries to hypnotize the gays into purchase.

Because no one really gives a shit about Canada, they are one of the few remaining cell phone companies to use CDMA technology, whatever the fuck that is, which apparantly uses magic and wishful thinking, as opposed to the GSM service that 99.999 percent of the world uses (even Africa)

Service Limitations

Telus founder John Ratzenberger and new product line

WARNING: Telus Phones will have a weak or nonexistent signal in any of the following conditions:

1. You are inside a building
2. You are underneath a large cloud
3. Its raining outside
4. Its sunny outside
5. You are more than 5 meters away from a signal tower
6. You are outside
7. Fuck it, you get the point. Please keep your phone aways from Jews as they will use it to conspire.

Telus Fun Facts

• Since Canada is not yet advanced enough to have Jews, Telus instead controls the media, government and phone service.
• Unlike black person, Telus is constantly in trouble with the law and widely known for not working.