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Psychic

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Psychics can read your mind, tell you the future, and do everything except forsee the winning lottery numbers.

What you want to be askin' me dahlin?
He's in water. lol
She was shot. lolx2
The great thing about having a lump on my forehead isn't having psychic powers, it's showing everyone online that I do.

Sometimes on teh internets you are expected to be psychic. This usually happens when someone writes rambling, incoherent posts, then gets angry with you for failing to understand what they were trying to say.

Some religions are full of people who profess to be psychics. Other religions say psychics are evil, and should be stoned to death.

Shown in image is the infamous Miss Cleo, the Jamaican psychic busted by the FTC for fraud charges. Dumb bitch couldn't forsee when she was gonna get busted. Millions of people were saddened by news that Miss Cleo actually did not know who their baby's father was, or if their partners were cheating on them as she claimed in her commercials.

A psychic using her big ball.

Miss Cleo's memorable sound clips.

Example of Psychic

You are going to finish reading this sentence.

You won't finish reading this article.

You will die alone.

How to be Psychic

Since the dawn of man, at least 100 years ago, the most enterprising people have tried (and in most cases, failed) to find ways to attain psychic powers. Perhaps the most well known psychic teacher known to man was Yoda (1980?-1984?). He was said to have passed down the secrets of Psychic powers to Kaiser Wilhelm and Pink Floyd.

To become a famous psychic one must say it to as many people as possible. As fast as a possible. If they do not believe you shoot them down- with your mindbullets.

Nowadays, only a few know the secrets of psychic powers. Among them, only JK Rowling has gone public, and even went as far as writing fiction books about them.

For those eager to learn such lost cult arts, the New York Stock Exchange is a perfect place to look for a mentor. Usually, once a stockbroker has passed down his or her secrets to a student (usually referred to as a "grasshopper", infuriating ichthyologists and canadians alike), he/she will proceed to commit suicide. Thus, it is highly recommended you do not accept students once you have mastered the arts of the psychic.

 
A psychic prepares to kill you with his mindbullets.
 
Some Macros are Psychic

Are Psychics Real?

Being psychic is typically a self-diagoned fictional condition like asperger's syndrome and all manner of science and James Randi have proven that most are frauds.

So to be truly psychic, you need something to stand apart from the posers.
But like what?
Like a big, cancerous lump on your forehead!
That's right! Unlike all the posers, psychics like Vampiricspektor got their psychic powers through brain tumors that manifest as enormous, throbbing, puss-filled lumps on their foreheads.

Another way to tell is that real psychics have schizophrenia and are crazy because they can't handle their visions. Any psychic that has the slightest bit of social tact is not real.

Physics and the Psychic

Physics is the bitter rival of Psychicism. While Psychicism deals with spoon benders, Physics deals with the study of origami and knot-tying. Every four years, physicists and psychics engage in a display of talent in dynamic locations, which is known as the Olympics. The winners (usually those with the most gold medals) get the honor of having a Nobel Prize category in their field of study. The psychics have never won against the physicists. Ever.

PROBLEM, SKEPTICS?

Famous Psychics

See Also

 

Psychic is part of a series on

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