Plastic Surgery

Let's face it, you are so damn ugly that you couldn't get a dog to chase you even if you tied a squirrel around your neck and rolled around in kibble. You didn't just get hit with the ugly stick, you fell down the tree it's made from and hit every branch along the way. You're so ugly that when you were born your parents nicknamed you "shit happens" and chose to diaper your face because a baby ass with the squirts was more aesthetically pleasing. You're so ugly that when you were born your parents received sympathy cards. When God was passing out looks you thought he said books and said, "No thanks, I don't like to read." I don't mean to beat an (ugly) dead horse here, but seriously, as "lowered expectations" come you're basically below sea level. But all is not lost! Medical science CAN improve upon nature's little "mistakes" as it were. Yes, with plastic surgery you no longer have to look like a can of smashed assholes, the proverbial poster child for abortion rights.

Breast Implants

Nature can be cruel and often doesn't live up to societal expectations of beauty and hotness, whether you've got "pancake boobs", "saggy tit syndrome" or you're simply "flat as a board", breast augmentation surgery can improve upon God's cruel ironies and make you into the imagined beauty queen you've always dream of... most of the time. Occasionally though things go "horribly wrong" usually due to a dipshit of a doctor who flunked his way on through medical school or because of some unforeseen allergic reaction or chemical leakage or whatever. In those cases the patients usually wind up looking like Frankenstein's boob monster, horrible abominations of botched breast implants, they frighten young children and eradicate erections in men wherever they go. If you want a permanent boner blocker this is the feminist flesh fashion of choice.

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Lip/Face/Butt Injections

The "do it yourself" plastic surgery, this form requires no more than a few dirty needles and whatever fatty/oily substance happens to be nearby. Some have gone with melted bee fat, such as Janet Heardt (later died from a bacterial infection) while others, such as Hang Mioku (pictured right), have gone with the more traditional off the shelf cooking oil to improve their lovely visage.

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Nose Job

Rhinoplasty or The Nose Job is a procedure often advertised as one to enhance facial harmony or as one to correct a faulty nose structure like a deviated septum to aid in breathing. As it stands, it is a favored procedure of the Jewish American Princess hoping to hide her ethnicity.

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Someone make sure to get me the name of his Doctor because that man is an artist

Many people get one hoping to look like the quintessential California girl but if bad luck strikes, or more often than not, their doctor is an untalented moron then what they get is a blockage in the nasal passageways that turns them into a dirty mouth breather or holes in their septum, the wall that seperates the nostrils, large enough to convince even their closest friends that they have a bad coke habit.
Beauty does come with its price.

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Synthol Injections

If you want to look as totally ripped as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man without having to put in any actual effort or work then synthol injections are for you! You can swagger around like the Michelin Man knowing full well the ladies are ready and wet with anticipation over your rippling folds full of oil infused fat. And remember, less isn't more when it comes to pigcake pecks, so don't be afraid to inject yourself with enough to put Pamela Anderson to shame.

	“	Puff up, puff up, they hate that!	„
	—Batty

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Fur Faggotry

Furries... if they're not fucking something up... it's only because they're not doing anything. In the ultimate hopeless pursuit of going "full furfag" a few deranged doggy dick lickers have opted to have their faces mutilated to look like an animal's asshole in order to try and compensate for the social limitations of being denied their ungodly right to grunt around on all fours like the pig fucking, cow clit lickers that they strive to be.

Black Salve Cure All

Because, really, who doesn't love random holes in their body?! Not only is it a great way to attract loads of attention this completely natural organic herbal salve will also cure your cancer, gout, shingles, herpes, homosexuality, diabetes and loads of other common ailments! You know it's completely safe too because it was commonly used during the dark ages right along with blood letting and leaches. I mean you just can't go wrong with medieval miracle cures amirite? The government of course constantly tries to discredit and debunk this ALL NATURAL herbal salve due to the fact that they hate nature and are greedy fat bastards who want to keep poisoning you with incredibly costly, crazy chemotherapy. A simple search in the Googles however will point you to no shortage of websites that prove just how awesome it is at permanently gouging out entire sections of toxin infested, filthy flesh.