Funko Pop!

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Can you think of anything more cringey than a bunch of grown-ass adults spending a ton of money on worthless shit like the dumbasses they are? Stamps, coins, comic books, or furry porn to a lesser extent? Now imagine how much of a loser you have to be to have an obsession like that over a bunch of mass-produced garbage made in a third-world sweatshop. Inconceivable, right? Wrong.

You too could hoard a collection of worthless pop-culture trinkets!

These things are already nightmare full that when you look up creepy looking pics you just see a Funko Pop.

FACT ALERT:
IT'S BEANIE BABIES 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO! Be sure to laugh at all the fags collecting this crap before the bubble bursts and the funkos aren't worth anything

Enter Funko Pop Vinyls, a series of poorly-made and mediocre plastic renditions of pop culture icons that overcrowd store shelves at exorbitant prices. They are styled very similarly to Japanese chibis, with the exception that the majority of these things use the exact same basic template with a different coat of lead paint smeared over it, two large black vacant eyes locked in an unending stare and the distinct lack of a mouth. It's the irl version of Rule 34: if it exists, there's a dreadful funko pop vinyl version of it. We haven't seen a garbage franchise leech off the popularity of other franchises like this since Tiger Electronics' LCD handhelds, but even then they were cheaper and you could actually do something with them. You can't even take Funkos out of the box; heaven forbid you squander their 'resale value.'

Whether they are being collected as a part of a hobby or a long-term financial investment, these things are made of fail and AIDS and the only way we will be rid of them is if everyone rightly laughs at these 'collectors' for their faggotry. They're also an inferior version of Nendoroids lol.

Collecting Nothing but Dust

Wow, Venom is so epic and edgy! Mom, can I have $30?

Despite being a toy marketed for dumb little children, their longevity can be attributed in no small part to their appeal to fat manchildren and neckbeard consoomers who continue to buy them because of their attachment to a particular brand they obsess over. There are two primary markets for this plastic crap: The first is the one we've already covered, just a funko pop version of a pop culture icon, because it hits the manchild in their nostalgia feels so hard they scream like an autist and open their wallet. For others it's the novelty of having two franchises bashed together like rocks into an OC so abominable that even furries would find it difficult to fap to. One of the worst offenders in the Funk-OC Mashup Madness is Venom, with over a gorillion fucking mash-ups with other equally cancerous IPs.

Funko Pops are so widespread it is easy for one to start collecting them. They are often sold in supermarkets, dollar stores, pawnbrokers, market stalls and even in Funkopop conventions. Collectors would often claim that they can be bought or resold at an inflated prices, or their availability and affordability are net positives compared to other collectables, while neglecting to mention that the only other people who want them are other sad collectors who need to get a life.

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How to troll collectors

Say that these Fucko Poops are ugly and anyone that buys them is too
Tell them that a 30-year-old man shouldnt be playing with toys
Tell them they seen as losers by the everyone else
Tell them there's better plastic crap based on their favorite characters
Open one of their mint in box Funko Poops
Open another
Say they're losing jew gold for buying them
Tell them that Funko Pops are cheaply made and mass-produced, meaning they're worthless
Break some of their plastic crap
Say that people that buy them, could do anything and it would still be better than buying these pieces of plastic crap
Say that Fucko Poops are just a fad, and in a few years people will laugh at them for having all that plastic crap