Drug-addled Yenta

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Also known as D at the Social Security office and at Narcotics Anonymous and Renfest/Renwoodstockdragon/Rennie/Ren on Yahoo!’s Paganism:1 Yahoo Chat. She is currently incarcerated at the United Way of New York in York, NY for shoving glass shards in her son’s ear in an attempt to cure his ear infection. During the winter seasons, she works as a soup kitchen volunteer.

Pretending she's in Auschwitz

Ren was born in a far away land known as New York, which she gets confused with ancient Ireland when trying to convince people in chat that she's a direct descendant of King Arthur of Camelot. She was raised a devout Jew in the slums of New York, where she worked as a pick-pocket and Jew activist who single-handedly ended the Vietnam War. Born of a fat booze whore mother and moon-worshipping Satanist father, she was raised in (to quote her) "teh anshunt druid'e waise ov teh kbbalh en teh anshunt eriee cal me iff u hav teh bals!"

Physical Appearance

King Arthur appearing to Rennie in a vision.

Rennie has been described as a beached whale due to her disgustingly enormous lard sack, which looks like she just ate at least 100 dead babies. Other scholars speculate that the Ren Monster's face looks like it was raped by a pack of wolves who were trying to make her look like one of them. According to popular rumor, Rennie does not wash but instead prefers her cat Merlyn to use his sandpaper tongue and lick the batter out of her fishy snatch.

Some members of Paganism:1 have noted that she does not have the typical fat breasts of a well-framed typical pagan woman. Instead she has what critics have dubbed "envelope flaps." Public opinion is that Rennie would make a beautiful bride for Brian Peppers.

Myths surrounding The Beast

Showing her flower at a Renaissance Fair. Used on her forum to scare away intruders.

Mr F. from Texas claims "I heard that Rennie once pushed one of her children onto the train tracks in the hope that he'd make it to Hogwart's."

Sandy T. from California states "I heard Rennie made homeless men cum over her pregnancy bump so that her kids would be Charmed Ones. She thought it would give them magical powers."

Mrs G from Ohio says "That fat wookie bitch crawled out of her cave one night and tried to eat my young! Thank goodness my husband Tommy had his tranquiliser gun and a muzzle handy."

A rare pic of Ren

Religious Beliefs

Rennie has very specific beliefs about life after death. Rennie wishes for one of her children to jump on her bloated corpse's stomach on a full moon, with her other son positioned mouth open near her cunt. This ritual of transferring "teh magikal elixer", Rennie states, will allow her to be reincarnated "becos/ i em a druiyd nshut up camal fucker".

Philanthropy

Rennie is well known for her generous inclination to increase the well-being of humankind which can be see in the following pic:

Chat copypasta

All contributions are donated to your local soup kitchen

Children

To finish up this entry we leave you with the most interesting fact about Rennie of all: her children. She has claimed to have two to five children who come and go depending on how many hypodermic needles she's made love to that day; however, no one has ever been given proof of their existance in the six plus years she has been around. We have heard claims ranging from two to eight children, but sources have been unable to verify the veracity of these claims except for the one she made deaf with home-spun Wiccan magic.

Ren's kids

Favorite Repetitive Sayings

"I love it when people who have no children try to tell other people how to raise their children"
"I USE A TEXT READER AND TYPING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS MEANS YOUR SCREAMING AT ME"
"I am teh magikal elixer o lief ... i will cum bak to auhnt you!!!"
"OH OH OH, i orfgot"
"teh shemaille has teh adyes it wel dye soon ov teh infechun off teh hvi adn b ded my hubie werks 4 teh fib adn wil dstroiy ur comp> becus u cannt affrd a disent livving lixx puss eye cannt tip becus i hav teh carrpl tunl brac onn my rist ivee osed my daggir bef4 adn i wil oouse it agin!!1!!1!!"

You can read more of Rennie's Ketamine-induced ramblings on her two Live Journals renfest and renniedragon. She also has a website that works once a month and is decorated with shitty "Zork" graphics. Stay tuned for her gasket-blowing drama once she discovers this page!