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Lulznews/February Archive
Feb. 28th, 2007
Hollywood, CA (LNN) Hollywood's A-List clamour for Wolfgang Puck's latest dish, Hepatitis A.
Tokyo, JAPAN (ÆD) got bilk? Japs have worst idea ever: milk flavoured beer.
Abu Dhabi, UAE (ÆP) Royal Big Mac attack! Prince Charles trolls McD's; calls for banhammer.
Pueblo, CO (FÆX) Local woman scores deal; pays only 1 baby for Dodge Intrepid.
Johnson City, TN (ÆP) Prison hostage drama ended by the Marlboro Man.
Feb. 27th, 2007
Newcastle, ENGLAND (SKÆ News) Fatty seized by state; tax hikes for child's support expected.
Hatton, AL (ÆD) Jail for man in batshit crazy backhoe Jihad.
Queens, NY (ÆP) Furry-Dooby-Doo! taken down by The Man posing as furry pr0nographers.
San Diego, CA, (ÆD) Study shows 'Gen I <3 Me!' will lead to new ED Golden Age.
Feb. 26th, 2007
Pakistan (BBæ) Pakistan unleashes its WMDs at local kite festival.
Jew York, NY (ÆP) Rev. Al Sharpton loses draft lottery; rotated back into slavery.
Washington, DC (ÆD) Juror in Scooter Libby case dismissed for </3
Jew York, NY (ÆY Times) Mary-Kate Olsen: "Food?....meh! Purses?...OMGZ!!! <333"
Feb. 25th, 2007
San Jose, COSTA RICA (ÆP) GI Joe goes Rambo on poor, local entrepreneur; breaks neck.
Feb. 24, 2007
Bogota, COLUMBIA (ÆP) Local performance artist arrested in clowning of clowns.
Tampa, FL (LNN) Principle invites Party Van to school for Show & Tell day.
Centennial, CO (ÆP) Woman who killed toddler: "I did it for the AFLAC!!!"
Murray, KY (ÆP) Teacher's text message to Party Van: "HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!"
Feb. 23, 2007
Tel Aviv, ISRAEL (ÆPF) LOL JEWS!!!
New York, NY (ÆP) Dinner escapes as 'chickins' make a break for it at NYC KFC.
ANTARCTIC (BBæ) World's biggest tentacle rapist caught. Weeaboo fangirls safe for now.
John Day, OR (ÆD) Blu Aardvark's little blue pill experiment goes horribly awry.
Feb. 22, 2007
Dagenham, ENGLAND (ÆD) Firemen save blazing Christmas from BBQ Grinch.
Milan, ITALY (LNN) Man puts his dad on ice to freeze his assets.
Feb. 21, 2007
Kewaskum, WI (ÆP) Local cop pwns himself for græt justice faggotry.
Feb. 20, 2007
Ft. Lauderdale, FL (LNN) TRIMSPAR finally working for Anna Nicole as she lays around doing nothing.
Zagreb, CROATIA (CæNN) Hitler sugar causes lollercaust in local cafes.
Feb. 19, 2007
Toronto, CANADA (ÆD) The Royal Canadian Mounted Police attempt to recruit Los Angeles gangbangers.
Feb. 18, 2007
Elmira, NY (LNN) 5-year-old vegetarian banhammered by God of Meat.
New York, NY (ÆP) Orgasm addict sues IBM for $5M after banhammer for fapping at work.
Feb. 17, 2007
Louth Bay, AUSTRALIA (LNN) Drunken Aussie attacks shark; credits vodka with the win.
Texas, USA (LNN) Heliocentric solar system the work of Jewish Kabbalistic Conspiracy
Feb. 16, 2007
Pittsburgh, PA (LNN) "Oops! I crapped my sweatpants!!!" Woman's wet fart turns out to be baby boy.
Fort Worth, TX (LNN) Local man attacked by Vampire; Valentines date goes batshit-crazy on him.
Feb. 15, 2007
Miami, FL (ÆD) NBA's Tim Hardaway regrets hating faggots; braces for Mel Gibson Rehab. Hardaway drives hard to the h00p!
Feb. 14, 2007
New York, NY (MSÆNBC) Shallow Speed Dating: Poor men and ugly chicks need not apply.
Feb. 13, 2007
Providence, RI (LNN) Couple busted for home schooling 9-year-old in Kama Sutra.
Olympia, WA (ÆP) Gays attempt legal cock-block on 'traditional' marriage; say: "Kids or GTFO!"
Whiehall, PA (LNN) Local radio station launches anti-Valentines campaign. WZZO site.
Los Angeles, CA (LNN) The perfect Valentines gift...if you like fucking watermelons.
Feb. 12, 2007
Feb. 11, 2007
Feb. 10, 2007
Orlando, FL (Æ) Walt Disney World's Pedobeast actor arrested for having 'research' material at home.
London, ENGLAND (UKæ) One man army wages letter-bomb Jihad on UK's DMV.
Bantown, Internets (ÆD) ED Sysop KangaJew calls it quits for ED to "pursue other career options." Now we know why.
Feb. 9, 2007
New Britain, CT (LNN) Newspaper reveals the truth: "Magical" rape only hurts if you fight it. see page 7.
New Orleans, LA (BÆT) "(I'm telling my) Mom" turns AN HERO into WINRAR after school beating.
Feb. 8, 2007
Little Rock, AR (LNN) Mom's boyfriend arrested for helping her toddler get some shut-eye.
Feb. 7, 2007
Feb. 6, 2007
New York, NY (LNN) Hasbro recalls 1,000,000 JewBake ovens after Li'l Nazis burn fingers.
Feb. 5, 2007
Albany OR (ÆP) Dad arrested for not hitting his 18-month-old son.
Feb. 4, 2007
Baghdad, IRAQ (LNN) Iraq embraces W's vision of Democracy by electing terrorist.
Rome, ITALY (Æ) Italian "ULTRAS" show Boston how to doin it rite; troll soccer to death.
Feb. 3, 2007
ENGLAND (BBÆ) A/S/L turns into almost raped
Sydney, AUSTRALIA (æ) CRIKEY! Crocs finally roaming free after years of oppression from Steve Irwin
Feb. 2, 2007
Delray Beach, FLORIDA (LNN) Woops! Forgot about the kid in the suitcase
Pittsburgh, PENSYLVANIA (LNN) Cheap-ass hubby could only afford half the cat
State College, PA (ÆP) Perfectly lulzy story about pr0n burglar completely ruined by annoying popup.
Feb. 1, 2007
Phoenix, AZ (LNN) Back to school! 29-year-old Pedobear joins 6th Grade class.
Wittenberg, WI (LNN) Oh Shi...here we go again! Terrorists attack with umbrella bomb.
Kansas City, MO (LNN) Cops troll pregnant motorist til she miscarries.