Daviswiki

Daviswiki is the second largest city wiki in the world, concerning anything and everything regarding Davis, California. Apparently Davis has the second most people with graduate degrees by percentage in America, and when you have that much extra time, why not write a wiki that no one cares about?

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Fingercuffs incident

Back in the peaceful days before there was SaulSugerman, the friendly wikisphere of Daviswiki.org was suddenly shaken to its roots by a dramapocalypse of epic proportions. The kind of dramaplosion that fills people with terror in the real world. It was known commonly as "The Budget Hearing Scandal," or by analogy to both the famour informant and the act described, "The Deepthroat / Fingercuffs Incident of 2005."

A Burrito Launching Fire Truck

It all started out, like most things, with a bunch of college students smoking pot. They then proceeded to vote on a $9.2 million budget, and in their influenced condition bought a $5,000 fire truck with a burrito launcher, among other things.

These students you see were senators of ASUCD (Associated Students of University of California Dramatica), something many consider to be serious business. Anyway there was in the days that followed some grumbling about the firetruck but for the most part things were business as usual.

Dramapocalypse

Then, out of nowhere, in February of 2005 (almost a year later) a user made the account "SenateScandal" on Daviswiki and posted a list of names of people who allegedly smoked out at the Budget Hearing. Oh noes! People implicated got dismayed, alarmed, and butthurt. Uninvolved wiki editors pushed for evidence, media professionalism in reporting, use of real names by posters, and invitations to future official government hotbox sessions.

People were worked up about it, but this was nothing compared to what was to come. In mid-March another non-real-name user called DPSforLife posted a new list of wild accusations against many people involved in ASUCD. It was a massive hydroDramagen bomb for ASUCD. ASUCD immediately went to a state of red alert and phone lines were jammed with people trying to find out what was going on / put hits out on people they thought were responsible / get invited to future government orgies. Of the assertions made, some are known to be true, and none are known to be untrue. Internet detectives were immediately called upon to do a thorough investigation.

Some of the allegations included:

• That a number of Senators were involved in a secret society called the SS.
• That ASUCD President Sara Henry had had sex with numerous other officers on various peices of government furniture.
• That Senator Paloma Perez had been involved in position known as "fingercuffs" with two other Senators
• That various officers were addicted to or delt various drugs.
• That President Sara Henry had had lesbian flings with Elections Committee Chair Mary Ball

Search for Culprits

First of all it was of course widely agreed that the poster must be involved in ASUCD, how else could they know all those completely untrue allegations after all? The name (DPSforLife) would appear to imply the poster was a member of local secret society Davis Playerz n Slutz (DPS), and thus a supporter of their puppet government party, Student Focus -- but it was also widely suspected that the name was just a red herring to implicate the society.

Analysis of IP addresses revealed that of the posts DPSforLife had made, one was from the student government office, and two were from a local apartment complex called Sterling. A satisfactory answer was never achieved, but there developed two suspects:

The Tree Hugger

KarlyKaufman: (pictured second from left)made posts from the exact same computer as DPSforLife within literally seconds of the latter. At first this seemed like damning evidence, but it was later reasoned that she may have simply walked in on DPSforLife, who abandoned the computer to avoid detection, and when KarlyKaufman then made edits to Daviswiki it was done so accidently under DPSforLife's name. She would then, the theory goes, have noticed she was on under the wrong account and changed to her own name, continuing to make edits. She had, however, been seeming very exasperated with the association of late, thus providing a motive to lash out like that, and would have been as likely as anyone to know all the allegations. No one ever questioned her as to what happened in the senate office that fateful evening, probably because its considered inadvisable to ever ask anyone what went on while they were in the office (lest you develop a fear of touching any of the furniture in there).

The Man-Slut

DarnellHolloway: (picture) In a true conspiracy theory, despite being implicated, Darnell was considered by some to be the prime suspect, due to the fact that he lived and worked in the apartment complex where the posts originated. Though he is named, he has some of the least-bad allegations, merely that he is a man-slut, and probably benefitted enough from the defamation of his opponents to more than make up for this reference. He was at the time running for the position of ASUCD Vice President, a position he would win. He would eventually become ASUCD President, and later appear on MTV's The Real World having sex with one of the cast members.

Aftermath

The page was deleted a short time later. Two months later on April Fool's Day 2005 DPSforLife would resurrect the page and publish a new set of essentially comedic allegations against the new senators. This post would be accompanied by a new IP address, but this writer lacks the e-sleuthing skills to do anything with it, and by then no one would think to continue the investigation. Once April Fools Day was over, the page was once again deleted. It was deleted in fact using an unusual dark magick which makes it difficult to revert it back to life (one has to manually type in the url, rather than search for the former name and hit info).

Some say that SaulSugerman was in fact created by the radioactive fallout of this scandal.

Further Thoughts

Neither Darnell nor Karly is a regular wiki user, and DPSforLife exhibits much more wiki-savvy than either of them put together, so it seems plausible that perpetuator is in fact a third person. At the very least, the April Fools edition seems more like the work of Kaufman than of Holloway.

See Also

• Shit nobody cares about