Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Kolkhoznik

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Rorschach at 21:27, 3 June 2011. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
Jump to navigationJump to search
Warning!
Assidy has reported this article to Homeland Security!

Kolkhoznik, formly known as cAssidy, cAss, cASSidy, Assidy, or just Cassidy is your typical teenaged brat. She is a dramu-whore ridden, self centered, narcissistic wannabe hipster HIPSTER bitch with nothing better to do during the day than sit on the computer 24/7 and baw about how terrible her life is. She has few IRL friends; nobody likes her, reason probably being because they think she's fucking annoying and has greasy nasty hair. Everyone can smell her god damn disgusting-as-fuck vagina from over 100 miles away. The only thing her fishy cunt will attract is bears.

Privyet......)) I am from Ленина земле.....))
me felloew stalkah, baut i catn relly stalk since ppl smell my disgusting hairz wen i traii 2. :'(
Assidy when she immigrates to Лениназемле.



Born from somewhere not in Russia, cAssidy grew up EXACTLY THE SAME as any other child ever. Despite her oh-so-sad stories about child BAAAAWWWUSE, drama, stress, teenage rebellion, cASSidy is nothing special in terms of a deep life story. Her "friend"-hunting techniques include picking a victim suitable to her selfish, single-minded lifestyle and ensnaring them in a web of candy-coated bullshit. Eventually, she'll show her true colors, and all the victims will want to do is throw a fucking large brick at her head and hope she won't be able to go to the hospital. She primarily stalks around on deviantArt for the 'silly haters and stupid 13 year old trolls,' like every other teenage dramuwhore and produces BAWWW journals about them when they call her out on her stupidity. We assume she also decided it was the perfect place to show off her wannabe communist 'propaganda art'.

It's obvious that a pornographic photographer is cAssidy's Grandpa.


Facts about Kolkhoznik

  • She is Russian.
  • She is a Communist.
  • She can speak rzn.
  • She likes everything slavic.
  • She is an egotistical, pretentious, haughty bitch bucket.
  • She is always right because she says so and she does not care what you think. Deal with it.
  • She is the most obvious narcissist you will ever meet.
  • She is the most obvious elitist you will ever meet.
  • She is a slavboo.
  • Did we mention she's a Communist?
  • If you disagree with her, she will BLOCK YOU.
  • She is busy having a threesome with pedo commiefags and jews right now.
  • She WILL block you. It is inevitable.
  • She thinks that lacking shampoo and vitamin D is AWWWWWRIGHT.
  • She can see Russia from her house.
  • She almost became the next Queen of /v/. They trolled the shit out of her deviantArt but she insists they were just being friendly! :)
  • She thinks she is very witty and funny, but she is just a dumb ignorant american girl whom is addicted to browsing OhInternet/KYM.
  • She thinks freedom of speech protects her from criticism of any form.
  • Her favorite colors are red and yellow HMMMM I WONDER WHY?
  • She is NON REGLIGOUS!!!!111!q=1w
  • She mentally touches herself when exaggerating her few shitty talents.
  • Apparently, she is obsessed with portal/any non-shitty valve game. She says she torrents stuff (And, of course, never checks the comments on the download), so be sure to pack some trojans with your latest crack of portal 2 on tpb.
  • She claims she is a communist, but she cannot live without facebook, the Pirate Bay, tumblr, and twitter.
  • ^_________^LEOELEOLEOL
  • She is also Hitler's mom.
 
If Assidy was the 4th Powerpuff Girl..........


Why to hate Kolkhoznik

 
oh babeh so hipstar

If you weren't convinced enough by the following list of trufax shown above, let me tell you how ugly, disgusting, and horrifying cAssidy truly is. cAssidy is another one of those annoying hipster teenagers (As I told you earlier) located in Ленина земле, PA where there is littered PBRs on the streets, no matter where the hell you go. ALL BECAUSE OF HER AND HER HIPSTER BITCH FRENDS' FAULT. She's fucking trolling us all in LeninLand, because she can't troll online. AT. ALL. She hangs out at *****NON-MAINSTREAM***** McDonalds stores and writes very sad stories about giant McWhoppers, BECAUSE SHE WANTS ONE RIGHT NOW with her 24K Gold-Coated MacBook air while playing MOTHERFUCKING PORTAL yet IS HIPSTER!@*((%%(#$*!!!$)Her favorite musician is Gogol Burpdello. She listens to his music for hours and hours on her ITUNES playlist. Since I don't want to damage anyone's ears, here's an example of Gogol Burpdello's music: SCREEEEEEaAAA sUrT wEEerIng SCRRRRRRReEEEEEEeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BURPl BURFPl ffFFFFfrp OH OH oH MEATLOAF FARTS FAT SscrreeEEEEeEeeEEeeeE! screEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>ee>.eE44444444PURPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEeEeeEeeE. EeEEwEEeEe.EeEe.eE>!mEE., SCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Click here for actual music by Gogol Burpdello ft. Mr Scruff. (ANOTHR 1 OF ASSIDY'S FAVORIT BANDZ YEY!!@)!@) :DDDDD

Ways to troll Kolkhoznik

 
We heard cAssidy fell for it.
 
Just one of the many reasons why cAssidy annoys a lot of people. She never replied to him, either.
 
y peepl criteciiz me?!?FREEDUm 0F SPeVCH!!1 amEIRcas FEL of DoUBBLE STANDArDz..

Here are some tips when you want to get delicious reactions out of cAssidy.

  • Say communism is broken.
  • Stalin > Lenin
  • Some American President > Putin
  • Talk to her in Russian by using some Translator.
  • Spam the shit out of her devianfArt page [1] DEED DONE LOL0l)L)OolOL DEACTIVATED!!!
  • Tell her that all teenagers hate their parents.
  • Send her messages claiming you accidentally found her nudes on a Russian porn site, she'll believe you and click the link. Make sure the site contains a virus!

Once Upon a /v/

Some guy named Viktor decided to browse for some STALKER fan art on devianTart. As he was looking, he came across the nightmare known as cAssidy's devianfArt. He took notice of the high faggotry level her ID was emitting and hurried to 4chan to get /v/'s opinion. Unaware of the fuckery that was amidst, cAssidy noticed her pageviews rising rapidly, thus posted a journal about it. /v/ saw it, agreed with Viktor, cackled at her retardation, and commenced into troll attack mode.

  •  
    part 1
  •  
    part 2
  •  
    BAWWWWW journal

Getting What She Deserves

 
cAssidy being caught in a lie.
 
This too.
 
And this.

Everybody wants to curb stomp cAssidy, but since most of them can't physically do this from a computer, they just do what the internet has taught them: spam whatever is bothering you to hell and back. Which, in this case, happened to be cASSidy. Her haters are more apparent on devianfArt than anywhere else she resides at on the internet because she can't control who can or can not comment on her page. cAssidy is typically spammed on a weekly basis by relentless yet determined trolls.

 
Asked for it.



Kolkhoznik's deviantfArt

 
So much variety.

Kolkhoznik's deviantfArt gallery mostly consists of horrid self portraits in which she portrays herself to look like a pedophilic, old lesbian woman who has an unhealthy obsession for the motherland and communism. None of you are as good as cAssidy when it comes to art. She is the most artistic, creative, genuine artist to ever grace DeviantArt. Her propaganda art comes in many forms, such as drawing the following: Lenin shoving a bunch of dildos up his ass, Stalin showing off his cake farts, and other sugoi ruski shit that we americans just don't understand. She obviously deserves a DD on every one of her works.

  •  
    ew god what is that
  •  
    OH BOY derp
  •  
    Supposedly this is Lenin. Looks more like an asian guy with down syndrome.
  •  
    learn how to draw a fucking mouth.
  •  
    plushneko is crying because HE IS A VICTIM OF cASSIDY'S FAGGOT DISEASE
  •  
    EVERY PUZZLE HAS A DERP
  •  
    SO DEEP AND ARTISTIC
  •  
    YES PLEASE DIE NO AIR FOR YOU
  •  
    bawwwww these h8rs maek me craii.
  •  
    REMEMBER THIS IS PROPAGANDA ART!!!!!
  •  
    MORE SELF PORTRAITS
  •  
    stop it already, we hate your ugly face
  •  
    ALL THIS GREASY HAIR, I CANNOT HANDLE IT

Kolkhoznik's fans

 
delicious faaaaans

Surprisingly, cAssidy has many more fans than just finata. They are very influenced by her wonderful works.

  •  
    Babeh ;)
  •  
    plushneko doesn't like that TT____TT desu
  •  
    hehe ^__^

H4cked LOL

At some point in time some anon gained access into cAssidy's devianTart account. Nobody knows the identity of the vigilante or how they got in, but they took some priceless caps 2 prove it happEn. Unfortunately, cAssidy somehow got her deviantfArt unbanned two days later.

Deactivation

 
baw4evaaa
 
Important twitter announcement from cASSIdy, everyone!!!
 
ttly hipstar toomblar

During the early morning hours of February 3, 2011, two accounts under the names of sluttysheep5 and xxwillow-wispxx emerged from the deep dark pits of the internet to kindly flood cAssidy's devianTart and Russian group. Both were turned into massive, wriggling sausage collages. The comments consisted of advertisements claiming that cAssidy loves penis enlargement, and/or animations posted over 9000 times of gay men fucking. And some guy fapping.

Being in the wrong place at the wrong time, cAssidy signed on to check her inbox that very morning only to discover she was being bombarded with male enhancement ads, dicks, and buttsex many times over. She freaked out, and immediately tried to hide all of the comments on her page. Sluttysheep5 spammed her gallery up so much that she put all of her deviations into storage. These magnificent trolls were posting much faster than cAssidy could flag their comments, so she just blocked them like the pussy faggot she is. cAssidy then proceeded in trying to wipe up all the diarrhea that was left on her deviantfArt and call it a morning so she could head off to school. In retaliation, more troll accounts were created within minutes of cAssidy doing this, and this time multiplied without mercy. Continuation of the spamming commenced with the arrival of these accounts, who were impersonation accounts using her name, Kolkhoznik, with various misspellings. The cock flood continued for the next 10 minutes. The trolls awaited her next move since they noticed their comments and accounts remained unblocked / unhidden for sometime. Lingering on her page for a brief moment longer, the trolls began to get bored. Presumably, they kept refreshing her page when suddenly something unexpected happened. Reloading cAssidy's deviantfArt led to a DEACTIVATED ACCOUNT message. Considering this a victory of sorts for now she will be back, the trolls celebrated later that day. A huge internet feast was held and the trolls were praised for having achieved this ground-breaking feat without even having to do much.

  •  
    just some of the few heroic anons that destroyed her deviantfArt that morning.
  •  
    Lenin does not approve of all this dick on his plz.
  •  
    Only wish more caps were available.:'((((

Kolkhoznik's "Significant Other"

 
16-year-old cAssidy and thirty-four-year-old Anonymous, her "significant other".
 
That ring looks like a bunch of cheetah tits.
 
 
New Message in your inbox! Who could it be?;)

One day, approximately 2 weeks ago, cAssidy was browsing the interwebs (USING GOOGLE CHROME seW HIPStAr) on her srsly fucked-up-with-malware-laptop, she came across a new message on her messenger window. She was honestly confused, because she always said that she was busy doing homework because of her horrible grades ranging from D-Fs. (Babby grades: -, since she's PROBABLY still in elementary school). NOT; because she was actually "busy" going on omegle and sharing her nudes with pedophillic old men, saying she's HELLO ASL ME HORNIE GURL DU U LIK MEATLOFA FARTS?! MEH 2. WATY HOEW DU I FUCK WITH COMPUTER anywaiiii__~__~_~ ^____^^;;;;;; i got nudes...... OH OH BABIE Y R U DUING THAT DU OMG MY FINGAH IS UP IN AMH PUSSIE., like a normal, lonely, teenage (Possibly 12 y/o) fuck. The message consisted of "Hey", "u gurl?", "young?" and "want 2 b frends?". She gladly said yes, due to her "Emotional ups and downs"/child bawwwuse" she had been putting up with lately. She ignored everything and happily showed him her tits. They later had a happy chat about what method of birth control she uses when having sex with an older man, and how much shampoo does she use. He thought he had found the perfect one, and so did cAssidy, but in other terms, not for babby sex. TRUE LOVE KK. She later thought if she must be happy, she must marry him, get raped, and escape from this horrid world of child abuse and working at a walmart supercenter, receiving minimum wage due to her idocy. One day right after that, cAssidy woke up thinking about her knight in shining armor again, wondering how long it will take to escape from the hands of her horribly "abusive parents" whom spoil her like hell. They needed to be closer to each other, like two halves of the world. They had to be together, or life would never be right and chaos would occur each day in their little emotional hearts. She remembered her hotmail was hacked approximately 1 year ago by her friends at school. They might still know her password and get into the nudes she had been sharing with her significant other, she thought. Later, she made a new messenger account to only talk with her "Significant other" and abandoned the other one, including her contacts. After making a new messenger account, her significant other asked her her address. She didn't know exactly why, but she thought it was AWWWWWWWWWWWRIGHT! because she had only known him for a few days. She honestly loved him. She handed over the address like nothing, and then slowly waited if her significant other would come to her house. He ended up buying her a ring. A ring. It was a simply beautiful ring. It resembled 4 giant tits on one person's chest with leopard fur, and dimond nipples. She now happily keeps it on a necklace, reminding herself of how much that man wants to rape her with her unwashed, greasy, flat, hair. She writes poems for the one person she loves - HER SIGNIFICANT OTHER.

 
LOLOLOLOL LINK BAWWWWLETED THANKS GOOGLE CACHE!

How to Write Poems Like Kolkhoznik

 
Today is the 25th anniversary of Chernobyl. It has brought the world tragedy, progress, and in some cases, lots of nice things. Chernobyl killed a lot of people and ruined a lot of lives. But it taught us how to make better reactor designs and how to avoid future instances of disasters like this. Progress! On a happier note, it brought us an amazing game series, an interest to many, a downfall to an already failing government, etc. It also gave me a few valuable things - including a few people I met/got closer to as a result of STALKER. One I know I couldn’t go without - my lovely significant other. <3 My life would SUCK if Chernobyl never happened. I’m sad about the tragedies. But we learned and gained a lot. As a whole and some as individuals -Kolkhozy

In all honesty, cAssidy doesn't write her own poems like any other tumblfag. They're Rumi's, but we can sure show you how to fake Rumi's poems, since OF COURSE THEY RESEMBLE cAssidy's child BAWWWWuse filled life, and true love. To put it simply, Rumi's poems make no fucking sense. Just put some random shit together so it'll sound like it was designed for an out of control tween whom think they're in love. Remember to include something about pie and Disney channel.


Baby don't let go of me

I'm still making pancakes for you

everyone in afica wants to kill you, but that won't work

because you are the one that i truly love

i'm watching porn in my lonely hotel room

oh wait, i don't watch porn

looney tunes tuesday

malaria is a parasite

oshawott

love love love, like diarrhea

i just can't get enough, i must let it out for you

i am a plant

i am butcher

peanut butter on my asshole

malariaaaaaaaa

See also

Where to find cAssidy

For future reference - in case she deletes everything listed above, you can find her new accounts by going to google and relocating her with these words in your search: cassidy, stalker, kolkhoznik, chernobyl, chernobylchan, russia, lenin.

You can also try searching for this baby (Commonly used by cAss as her icon) on tineye, yandex, GazoPa, Baidu, or Cydral.

 

Kolkhoznik is part of a series on

DeviantART

Visit the DeviantART Portal for complete coverage.

Retrieved from "http://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Kolkhoznik&oldid=423387"