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Lucas Caparelli

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Lucas Caparelli is a jock who is notable for failing at facebook resulting in his own self-ruin and for not having the balls to be Cho Seung-Hui.

Pictured here before learning that internets are serious business.

The Drama

 
High School Football Hero Facial Expression #1 of 1.

Lucas was a football player at Wake Forest who was sitting in his father's girlfriend's basement when like most other jocks, he decided to log on to facebook. It was the day before he was supposed to return to school for the spring semester, and due to the fact that the Wake Forest students are rich and beautiful and he was not and because he was confused by their elaborate rituals and traditions, he felt that he needed to unleash the fucking fury.

He changed his status on facebook so that it gave the following message for him:

   
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Lucas Caparelli recommends not going to class on Wednesday because he is going to blow up campus. For those left standing he will have an uzi locked and loaded in his bag.
  		„
  		 

Lucas left this ever so credible threat "to blow up campus" on his profile for a whopping 90 minutes before taking it down. However, 90 minutes was long enough to incite a complete lollercaust as it was plenty enough time for another Wake Forest student to say "OMG VTECH!!1!1" and report this threat to the irl police.

The Reaction

 
His Facebook profile listed one of his interests as "Letting flow through writing" LOL

Hilariously, Lucas assisted the partyvan in apprehending him by locking himself out of his own campus apartment and approaching the police for help shortly after his arrival back on campus and he was promptly placed under arrest for crimes against facebook. Lucas was grossly unaware that the internet is serious fucking business as this quote he gave to the Washington Post shows:

   
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"At the time, I didn't think I was going to get in trouble for anything. I know what he's talking about. It's easy. I'm going to explain myself."
  		„
  		 

—Lucas Caparelli

However, Forsyth County District Attorney Tom Keith decided he was going to teach the lad just how fucking serious the internet is and is currently considering prosecuting him so that young Lucas can be sentenced to two years for trolling. Caparelli was given the banhammer by Wake Forest despite being on their football team and will have to reapply there to go back.

The truly ironic part of the incident is that Caparelli grew up mere miles from Cho Seung-Hui.

His facebook page

Not content with failing at facebook, Lucas explained his threats partly by his love of rap. An admitted fanboi of Eminem, Lucas used his own rap skillz to pen this catchy number about his hatred of his school on the same day he threatened to blow up campus:

   
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"tomorrow I return to the hell known as wake, scares me so much that in my boots I'm starting to shake, can't find no good, a place with no pleasure, getting stabbed in the face is about the fun you can measure, surrounded by arrogant, rich, spoiled little brats, didn't earn a [expletive] thing, everything was laid in their laps, these cocky bastards are spreading like a cancer, not infecting me though because maybe I'll transfer"
  		„
  		 

In his other comments, Lucas admits to rampant faggotry by inviting the entire campus to suck his cock. It is a virtual certitude that he wrote his threat partly because nobody took up his offer. Unfortunately, he has also since made his facebook profile friends only.

External Links

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