Gloria Tesch

Gloria Tesch is a teenage twat with a serious case of Unwarranted Self-Importance because she managed to shit out six poorly written fantasy novels via vanity publishing. Because her parents are desperate to cling on to any "talent" that their daughter may have, she fancies herself the future J.K. Rowling and is famous beyond any commoner's comprehension, though we all know this is just bullshit as calling her 800+ page tree-killers "glorified doorstops" would be a complete and utter insult to the door. Being in denial, she will spawn wave after wave of creatively named sockpuppet accounts of people with real purpose to society, such as psychiatrists, more esteemed authors, and various other nameless individuals in a desperate attempt to show that the world is eager to line up and suck her hypothetical dick.

	“	Sorry guys...I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.	„
	— Gloria Tesch, on autofellatio.

Gloria Tesch, in all of her borderline loli glory.

Oh man you would buy this shit so hard.

She reaps in most of her non-existent fame by billing herself as the "world's youngest published author in the world". Most intelligent people know that this is false. The real record for that position is held by Christopher Beale, a Swiss six-year-old boy who wrote about his toys. Dorothy Brooks who wrote her first novel as she was four years old. It is pretty likely that both of them are probably better than anything Gloria has spun out.

The saga itself, a garbage heap of clichés, over-used plot lines, child-like world views and laughable dialogue, is titled "The Maradonia Saga". She wrote and published the first "book" before she was fourteen, which is highly noticeable in its large-print-slapped-together and total lack of quality-controlled glory. She was then urged on by her family for unknown reasons to continue the series, which now has six novels overall. Despite self-initiated claims of praise and adulation, it is a mystery as to why these books haven't been picked up by a real publishing company.

The Author Herself

Gloria Tesch is a young aspiring writer. But has also worked in the field of directing, producing, modeling and acting. She was born in San Diego, California in 1994. Gloria is a first generation American from her family of Russian and German ancestry. In 2002 her family moved to Miami, Florida.

Gloria Tesch began writing her first 800 page book of the Maradonia Saga(2007) at the ripe age of ten. When Gloria was 16, she already had six novels on the market. Her writing career slowly lead to the production of two film screenplays for the Maradonia Saga. Gloria directed parts of the film- "Maradonia and the Seven Bridges" (2013), as well as acted as the main role "Maya".

Gloria started acting at the age of 9 for several theatrical plays in California as well as Miami, Florida. In 2009 she began exploring her interest in cinematography by shooting videos with friends. Shortly after, she began producing and acting in several short films and videos. Earning a title in the film industry, Gloria Tesch continues her career as a producer and writer.

The Maradonia Saga

The Maradonia Saga by Gloria Tesch.

Gloria Tesch is the author of the Maradonia Saga. Gloria began writing her first book at the ripe age of ten and celebrated her thirteenth birthday with the publication of two novels,"Maradonia and the Seven Bridges" and "Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld." This sweeping epic journey into a fantastical world of magic and power, earned Gloria the distinction of being the world's youngest or one of the youngest published novelists. With fourteen years of age, Gloria published two more novels, "Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir" and "Maradonia and the Dragon Riders". With 15 years she presented her fifth novel: "Maradonia and the Law of Blood" and her sixth novel: "Maradonia and the Battle for the Key" as well as two Movie Screen Plays.

Gloria Tesch was born on April 17, 1994 in San Diego, CA. She is a natural storyteller who crafts her tales, characters and settings with talent.

Everything Gloria writes, glows with imagination and many who read her books believe that Gloria's imagination is never ending.

One of Gloria's friends wrote, "Gloria's novels captivated me from the first page and did not let go until the last. Gloria is so talented that the reader believes everything is possible in the Land of Maradonia. I wonder what kind of literature this 15 year old author will produce in the coming years."

Gloria: "I don't know what the coming years will bring, but I work every day...every weekend... very, very hard, often late in the night... creating characters and writing stories."

News

World between the Worlds With such a young age, Gloria is able to straddle between the world of surreal adventure and the world of page-turning mainstream adventure and connects the ordinary, natural world with the supernatural world with unexpected twists and absolutely surprising results. Gloria is currently writing her next Trilogy of three novels: "Maradonia and the Lost Secret of Kra" as well as "Maradonia and the Unleashed Beast" and "Maradonia and the Curse of Abbadon." She said, "I have a pretty clear concept for at least ten more books of the Maradonia Saga."

Popularity

Statistically, this is more awesome than everything written by Gloria Tesch. really.

{{quote|We can't even keep the books on the shelves; they're flying out of here like nothing!| Over the recent years, Gloria Tesch has made mass sales from her series. This lead to the production of two screenplays as well as the filming for the Maradonia Movie.

Reviews

• "Every one is going crazy over child prodigy authors and this one doesn't deserve your hard earned money."
  "Every one is going crazy over child prodigy authors and this one doesn't deserve your hard earned money."
• "This "book" broke every rule of fiction, and it sounded like it was punched out by a fourth grader."
  "This "book" broke every rule of fiction, and it sounded like it was punched out by a fourth grader."
• "I received this from a relative recently, and after reading it I am completely convinced it was intended as a "gag gift"."
  "I received this from a relative recently, and after reading it I am completely convinced it was intended as a "gag gift"."
• "The "child author" taglines have gotten old since Christopher Paolini came on the scene, and the "World's Youngest Novelist" claims are questionable at best."
  "The "child author" taglines have gotten old since Christopher Paolini came on the scene, and the "World's Youngest Novelist" claims are questionable at best."
• File:Maradonia review 1.PNG
• Haters Make Me Famous!
  Haters Make Me Famous!
• No. Her reviews are just as bad.
  No. Her reviews are just as bad.
• Gloria breaks the mind of even anonymous.
  Gloria breaks the mind of even anonymous.

Send Fan Mail

[email protected]

See Also

• "The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Niggerbastard" Gloria moves on to porn
• My Immortal The internet can still beat her
• Fan fiction
• Twilight
• Angst
• Mary Sue
• Teenage
• Lolcow

Links

• Her website
• Her Facebook
• A good sporking on her book
• Another good sporking
• On MySpazz
•  Her twitter with less than 40 followers
• Her YouTube
• Her other YT account (Or possible White Knight)
• On TV Tropes Even they think her saga is retarded.
• A self-created Facebook fanpage

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Featured article November 15, 2010
Preceded by tfo	Gloria Tesch	Succeeded by Sniff Heinkel