Jezebel

Jezebel is the most overtly feminist branch of Gawker Media, originally edited by Jessica Coen^✡. It is widely regarded to be a horrid abomination and hugbox for feminist extremists that could only exist in the current internets age where anything original, interesting or even slightly substantial in terms of content is all but unheard of. While independent thought has taken on an almost mythic quality, there exists a mind-numbing amount of sites bursting with clickbait to grant a sweet taste of instant gratification to the unwashed masses. Being renowned far and wide as the most inane and downright unprofessional online presence is no small feat in the age of Web 2.0; this is perhaps the only thing Jezebel can pride itself on, surpassing even Buzzfeed and fellow Gawker sites in terms of pure, unadulterated shittiness. The primary difference, however, is that while these sites can at least take heart in being light-hearted or "humorous," Jezebel takes itself way too fucking seriously and attempts to sally forth in a hilariously retarded social justice crusade.

The 3 H's of writing for Jezebel

Hyperboly:

Everything is rape.

What 30Rock thinks of Jezebel

Regular rape is rape, sexual harassment, drunk sex is rape, flirting is rape. There is stare rape, virtual rape, verbal rape and fart rape (that's when a man farts on you in the street without your consent). All men who have ever been accused of rape are rapists, all men who have ever been raped are rapists, all men who have made sex jokes are rapists, all men are rapists. All sex without written consent is rape. All sex is rape. Everything is "OMG The Worst Ever".

(Women can't rape)

Hipocrecy:

Double standards are the only kind of standards that Jezebel has ever had.

Unlike Jezebal, other women's mags are bad for feminism and pry on women's insecurities despite both of them writing about the exact same things. They patronize women by writing about celeberty gossip,. But when you read Jezebel saying "Fuck those skinny bitches, they're not so hot" is bringing down the patrearchy.

Objectifying women is wrong (how can you even "Objectify" something that is already an object?) but writing 10 articles a day about who you would like to destroy your vagina is fine. When nudes of women are leaked it is no less than a war crime, however leaking male nudes is fine "And we will not remove them". Unless, of course, it was Gawker who publishes peephole videos of women and paid people to tell about their one night stand with a congresswomen and make fun of her hairy vagina, in which case you should not mention it if you want to keep your job.

HA HA HA, OH WOW:

How the fuck is any of this news? You don't need 3 articles a week about cute kittens. You're a feminist website, you're supposed to at least try to pretend not all women are retarded.

"Writers"

Truth

Lindy West

Lindy West Incredibly thin-skinned, which is a notable achievement for a woman of her girth. Got into a 'debate' with Jim Norton and got fucking owned.
Isha Aran Smelly Indian that has completely abandoned anything resembling journalism and instead whines about cultural appropriation.
Erin Gloria Ryan Used Paul Walker's death as an excuse to attention whore. Subsequently pwnt by old media whores.
Mark Shrayber Token male homo to close that gender gap.
Emily Gould Currently in therapy because Jimmy Kimmel made fun of her.
Tracie Egan Wrote an article about how she paid a male prostitute to rape her because she's too fat to find a man that would do it for free. Later, in an interview, she said it was actually tthe site that had paid for it and that it was because SHE IS TOO SMART TO BE RAPED.
Everyone Else Jezebel writers are so alike you can't tell them apart.

Jezebel Dramas

Kick the darkie to the curb

Hipocricy at its finest

One day the time came to replace the site's editor. The obvious coice to replace her was her second in command, but there was one problem: She's black.

It's not that the cunts as Jezebel are a bunch of racist (yes they are), it's that if the owner of the site was black she would out-victim them and win all the "I'm more opressed" pissing contests. So obviously they had to hire a new white lady from outside to avoid this.

We are offering $10,000 to rebuild our self esteem

When they are not bitching and moaning about patriarchy and stare rape, the writers of Jezebel enjoy whining about how so unfair it is that other women, generally those who are not insane, landwhale blog jockeys, are so much more beautiful than the staffers. In order to provide some sense of twisted vindication for this laughable jealousy, they have offered bounties for original, unretouched photos of models. When someone eventually decides that a few thousand dollars is worth risking their career, they offer up the pics; the writers then engage in the classic high school girl's game of "Look! She's not that pretty! Will you take me to dinner now?" To date, this tactic has proven unsuccessful (maybe because even without retouching any Hollywood starlet is still hotter than them).

Jezebel staff gets raped

OMFG GIF RAPE!

At one point, the kind residents of the internet decided to give Jezebel what it loves most: Rape.
Their comment section was flooded with gifs of rape porn which was very "triggering" for them, sp (in classic Gawker logic) they started writing attack articles about their own parent company for not doing anything about it.

“	For months, an individual or individuals has been using anonymous, untraceable burner accounts to post gifs of violent pornography in the discussion section of stories on Jezebel. The images arrive in a barrage, and the only way to get rid of them from the website is if a staffer individually dismisses the comments and manually bans the commenter. But because IP addresses aren't recorded on burner accounts, literally nothing is stopping this individual or individuals from immediately signing up for another, and posting another wave of violent images (and then bragging about it on 4chan in conversations staffers here have followed, which we're not linking to here because fuck that garbage)	„

Literally untraceable.