The Completionist

Jirard Khalil aka The Completionist is a YouTube "personality" who has been working on a video series where he—get this—completes video games. I've been working on a YouTube series where I—hold your hats—go to bed then wake up refreshed in the morning. Million subscribers, please.

"Did I tell you about the time my Mom died?"

Maybe if he was just a normal YouTuber gamer, we wouldn't be here. But Jirard is no ordinary gamer YouTuber. You see, Jirard's story is in fact really a touching story about a boy and his Mom. A boy who has effectively stuffed his own mother, put her on display, and has been charging two bits (and/or subs) a gander. Oh, sorry, he called it "medical research donation", but it's the same thing, right? PS, did you see her autopsy report?

But before we get to that story, we should tell the story about how we got here.

Copper Trophy: Your best friend is no longer your best friend

"My Mom, y'know, had died... and so that affected me deeply. Which, I mean, it should."

The first 120 episodes of the "The Conmpletionist" series involved his friend, Greg Wilmot. Long story short Jirard didn't realize that you shouldn't be working with anyone without a contract, especially on a series that can make a lot of money, so when Greg wanted to leave the show and remove himself from all the episodes, Jirard had no choice but to take all the episodes offline, destroying that revenue stream.

I wonder why someone's best friend would suddenly want to stop being their friend? Oh who knows.

Anyways, without 120 episodes to make that sweet sweet dosh... Jirard happily moved on with his life and had no financial worries whatsoever.

Silver Trophy: You forgot to donate money to dementia research

Since the time his Mother died—which, as a reminder, happened in 2013 due to frontotemporal dementia—Jirard wanted to honor her memory by making sure we never fucking forget that it happened. The various ways he did it involved charity gaming marathons over the subsequent decade-ish or so.

"That time my Mom died really brought me down, but I learned to stand on my two feet."

He racked up about US$655k over many many years, then kinda.... sat on it.... hoping no one would notice. I mean, he did mention that everything you buy from him will ALL go to charity. He did the thing! He said it! His Mom died! C'mon man, isn't that enough??

"Hey Sisqo! C'mon over here, we're having a dinner to honor the life of my mother. She died, did you know? ... No, I don't have pictures of her in a thong."

Well internet rabble-rouser and legend collector Karl Jobst with Mutahar decided that that wasn't cool, and called Jirard out on it. And that wasn't cool... I mean, Jirard ultimately raised near a million dollars in charity, and here's Karl and Mutahar just irresponsibly making up extraordinary drama for nothing. Remember, Jirard's Mom died! Doesn't that mean anything to anyone?

Unfortunately Karl and Mutahar wasn't swayed by such a persuasive argument, and they kept pushing. They provided recipts showing that that near million dollars in charity was just sitting in a bank... probably collecting interest, but definitely not helping any research. Karl and Mutahar showed that the golf tournament organized by Jirard's family probably pocketed the money intended to go to Jirard's "Open Hand Foundation". Wah wah wah Karl and Muta Karl and Muta... but hasn't anyone though about Jirard's feeling about all this? His Mom died!!

Gold Trophy: Threatening a lawsuit to someone who exposed your mistakes

"BEARD MODE ACTIVATE: TO RESCUE MY MOM'S BRAIN FROM THE DEMENTIA LORD"

Well Jirard had enough and he was about to dazzle the haters with an awesome spectical of receipts and facts that will undoubtedly prove he's right. Jirard released a video on December 9th, 2023 called "My Response" and it was filled with HARD HITTING FACTS like:

an audit of 2014
income and expenses for 2023
autopsy report of his mother's body (she died, remember?)

Suck it, haters. [mic drop]

I mean, let's ignore the fact that 2014 was probably a clean year and 2023 isn't technically over yet so it's meaningless stats right now, and no one questioned that his mother died of dementia-related causes... but he did drop those hard facts on us, so... ...h-he showed us!

But no sidequest is worth performing without making sure you crossed off ALL the requirements off the list: that's where Jirard revealed he was going to sue Karl for slander. Y'know, because calling out your actual sins is "slanderous". But I guess it's only fair: Jirard's mom DID die from dementia, so I guess that splits the difference here.

Speaking of sidequest requirements, some of the ones Jirard definitely achieved included:

apologizing to anyone who felt they were wronged (only because "apologizing for doing wrong itself" wasn't a requirement for this achievement)
referencing "mom" or "mother" at least five times ("mom" = four times, "mother" = six times, total = ten times — SSS CLASS!!)
getting ratioed (last count = 19k likes, 60k dislikes)
donating money only after being exposed for not donating the money (and only US$600k versus the US$655k+ known to have existed at one point)
accidentally(??) openly admitting to committing embezzlement (mentioning bits and subs went to offset production costs, despite claiming that they were going all going to charity)

Boy's REALLY pushing for that Platinum Trophy, isn't he??

Platinum Trophy: ?????

"FUCK did I mention my Mom five times or six?"

So what's next for this mother's favorite son? I guess we'll soon find out.

That said, despite all the controversy and all the evidence against Jirard... he was nice to me once on a livestream, so that absolves him of all guilt as far as I'm concerned.

Parasocial relationships are a hell of a drug.