User:DARTH .../Furriesarecute

The Fail Begins

Furriesarecute is a Christian ex-furry YouTuber. He probably contains more concentrated fail per square inch than anyone on JewTube except perhaps Shane Dawson. Because nobody can even come close to out failing Shane Dawson. He is notable for several reasons, which are immediately noticeable upon entering the sweltering cesspit of fail that is his channel. You can view it here, but you have been warned: [1]

His Voice

The user known as Furriesarecute, (or Charlie as he introduces himself on his channel) has a horrible nasal voice that puts even JB and Rebecca Black to shame. It would be alright if he just put text wording on his videos so that his audience wouldn't have to be ear raped every time they watched one of his videos, but instead he speaks out loud, setting himself up for a litany of voice related jokes that send him into a mopey emo sulk fest that is pretty entertaining to behold. There is no explanation for how his voice box has become so mangled, but scientists say that the most likely theory is that he sucked too much cock back in his Furfag days.

His Fanatical Christfaggotry

Since he left the Furry Fandom behind for reasons that we shall get to in a second, Charlie has become an intensely dedicated Christfag. Armed with the nasal, Beiber like sound of his nightmarish voice he stalks along the Internet looking for Atheists and other non believers to try to convert. Needless to say, this does not ever work for him. The list of JewTube users who have pwnt him in debates and flame wars is longer than Ron Jeremy's dick and twice as girthy. A major source of ammunition that atheist JewTubers often use against him is the horrible morass of fail that is his "religious experience."

The "Religious Experience"

I used to be a furry. I had a fursuit and I would go to conventions with groups of my furry "Friends". I would dance in my fursuit at their raves, I would go drinking with other furries, and I would do things at the conventions which I thought was normal. At the FurCon 2007, my life changed forever. I participated in a 'furpile' in a random furry's hotel room. I got so drunk that I could no longer see straight or stand. All I remember was the smell of alcohol and the feel of people I did not know groping me then the final moment where I vomited inside of my fursuit head. I blacked out. When I woke up the next morning, that is when my life completely changed forever. For some reason, I felt an urge to call out to Jesus, so I did. I was deeply drenched in the strong odius stench of sin I called out to Jesus and begged him to forgive me. He reached down to me, HE, Jesus, the son of God touched ME! His touch was like nothing I had ever felt before! I mix of fire and ice, a purifying flame! And his eyes were as blue and pure as the endless oceans which cascade off the edges of the earth! But what was most horrifying and hurtful thing which would haunt me forever...was the absolute look of disgust and embarrasment he had on his face for me. From that day forward I knew I could never ashame Jesus again and I cast away my childish fursuit, in a garbage can with banana peels and chicken bones I tossed it. It was useless to me now. THe only thing I needed was a bible. I believe in the god of the Bible and His son, Jesus Christ. I KNOW Jesus died for our sins and that we are God's children. There are those who wish to defile the sacred tenants of God's holy book and spit in His face. These are the athiests, anf those who indulge in sinful practices (furries, drunkards, drug-addicts). In the end GOD will judge you and you will find your just punishment

As you can see, (if you even bothered to read the damn thing) Charlie meant SRS BIZNESS! And despite being stomped in arguments numerous times by atheists and even furries he continued God's work by being a whiny little fuck whenever possible. This all changed a few weeks ago when another JewTube atheist who took the name of Pellicius took it upon himself to analyze Charlie's so called religious experience.

Pellicius' Response

This analysis is full of Jew gold and win, reading it will provide many lulz.

Regarding Your Religious Experience

From: Pellicius

I noticed something on your channel that is bothering me. You say that you went to Anthrocon 2007, and got drunk. Presuming that you were following the law, (and as a good christian, you should be) you would be a minimum of 21 years old at that time. It has now been a little more than 4 years since that time, which would make you a minimum of 25 years old. I have trouble believing this because quite frankly Justin Beiber has a deeper voice than you. Your voice indicates that you are maybe 16 at the very most. So, unless you were castrated as a child then you were either breaking the law, (which means that you would have been 12 at the time of Anthrocon 2007, according to my age estimate) or you are lying. I prefer to use Occam's Razor for problems like these, (which means that the simplest solution wins out) so the options are:

1. You did get drunk at Anthrocon 2007, (breaking the law in the process) got date raped, and had a religious experience involving a formless god that somehow took a human form just for you.

Or.. . 2. You lied, seeking attention and praise for all that you have supposedly gone through.

I think that you can guess which solution is the simplest.

But my elders always told me to take other peoples' stories with a grain of salt, so I shall assume that you did actually get drunk and pass out. So you would have woken up, feeling like shit, and horribly hungover. At which point you would have had your religious experience. So, according to your story you went into the bathroom and saw Jesus. It is clinically proven that if you drink a large amount of alcohol on an empty stomach, your system will do some strange shit to get rid of that alcohol before you get alcohol poisoning. This includes violent tremors, and vivid hallucinations. You getting up and walking around would have been enough to kickstart your system into disposing of all the raw alcohol in your stomach and guts. So within minutes, you would have been shaking and perhaps vomiting, hallucinations would follow shortly afterwards. I'm assuming that you were at least mildly religious at that point in your life, which is referenced in your story by you saying that you started to pray. Even the thought of something can cause hallucinations of that particular object, (I've heard accounts of an alcoholic hallucinating of being trapped inside of a giant whisky bottle), so you praying for Jesus to help you would likely have triggered

a hallucination of Jesus flying at you. 

I have done hallucinogens before and know firsthand that thinking about something hard enough can cause you to have hallucinations of that particular object. One particular incident being that I hallucinated a labrador retriever being right in front of me after I swallowed a large amount of Dramamine and sat down watching Homeward Bound. So in any case, you would have seen Jesus, and not knowing that you were hallucinating, you would have assumed that it was real. I know that I thought some of my hallucinations were pretty damn real so I cannot blame you, but unfortunately, unlike me, you continued believing in your hallucination after your trip had ended. After all, imagine if I had continued believing that the labrador retriever I hallucinated while on Dramamine was real! I would look like a crazy person, searching for a dog that didn't exist. Another possibility is that someone spiked your drink, which is much more likely, considering how suddenly you passed out in your story. I once had my drink spiked with Valium, and started seeing large orange circles passing through the walls of the room I was in. Shortly afterwards I crawled into my room and passed out. I had a few small auditory hallucinations after waking up, and saw my ceiling rippling alarmingly, which proves that you can still hallucinate after passing out. So in all likelyhood, you hallucinated your Jesus.

MYTH BUSTED!

This resulted in much butthurt and denial from Charlie and an equally lulzy reassurance from Pellicius that went:

"Alright, I'll leave you to your delusions. Perhaps when you are dying many years from now and see only a dark void ahead of you, you will remember this conversation." Pellicius also returned a second time to troll once more but this time the lulz had dried up so he left and as of the time of this writing has not returned.

His Furfaggotry

If you bothered to read his religious experience then you know that Charlie was in fact a furfag before he accepted God into his rotten black faggy heart. This alone makes it impossible for him to be a real Christfag seeing as once you are a furry, you are always a furry, no matter how much you deny it and cut your wrists when nobody's watching. He also, despite thinking that all furries are sinners and will burn in Hell if they don't accept God, uses an icon that is ironically an icon widely used by Christian furries. Coincedence? I think not!

How To Troll

1. Tell him that he is still technically a furry and therefore is not a real Christian.

2. Complain non stop about the abomination that it his voice until blocked. Go to spare channel, repeat cycle.

3. Tell him that he sucked too much cock when he was a furry, and that's why his voice is fucked up.

4. Tell him that he has a furry icon.

5. Repost Pellicius' analysis en masse.

6. Tell him that Cthulhu is your god.

7. Refer him to this page, watch the butthurt unfold!

8. Accuse his precious few friends of being sock puppets.

9. Tell him that God isn't real, then pwn him with atheist logic when he tries to fight back.

10. Accuse him of being a troll.