HelLA

"Come for the weather! Stay for the arrogance!"

As depicted on postcards

LA as it really is

Most Angelinos think that Los Angeles is the only city in California.

Drama epicenter and generally fun place to visit if you are looking for a 'life partner'. Earthquakes have been known to happen every five minutes. Jesuitx, Hathor the Cow Goddess and estruscan live there. The people here have a massive inferiority complex against New York City, which makes sense, because they're inferior. Also, their city is infested with black persons.

About LA

Los Angeles is home to Hollywood, the place the rest of the country depends on for shitty entertainment (Besides New York, which produces the second largest amount of shitty entertainment). Republicans hate LA's attention whoring, since LA liberals are the only other group the opinionless and impressionable drones of America listen to.

It is home to the infamous LAPD, known for their policy of "Beat the shit out of the coloreds, ask questions later". Los Angeles is also the host to many major news events (if by 'major news events' you mean 'pointless celebrity gossip'), such as the Michael Jackson trial, the O.J. Simpson trial, the anorexia of Mary-Kate Olsen, and Britney Spears' hair, weight, and vagina. This is because most US child molesters and murderers choose to live in LA,knowing they'll be declared "not guilty" whenever their crimes reach court. This is thanks to the typical L.A. jury, comprised of the fine citizenry of LA, who are all apparently so gutless and lacking in conviction that they'll let off anyone with a sob story.

It's a little known fact that no-one was ever born in Los Angeles. If you go into any hospital in LA and ask where the maternity ward is, the nurse will laugh at you and consequently crush your dreams of hawt nurse action. Everyone in Los Angeles is from somewhere else, most often from Mexico, New York, China, Korea, Israel or Iran. Most of the immigrants to Los Angeles come from third world nations, and so they don't realize that not having public transportation, regular street cleaning, police patrols, reliable sanitation, clean air or clean water are bad things for a major metropolis.

Everyone with an ego bigger than their penis must at some point move to Los Angeles. It's the law. It was initially intended to get all of the obnoxious, self-important braggarts from parts of the United States into one area, so they could nuke them and not have to deal with them anymore. But they unexpectedly created movie studios and produced bad movies, soon found to be beloved by mindless pseudo-intellectuals and blockbuster lovin' rednecks alike, It was decided that maybe we could keep them around for a few more years until the whole area sinks into the ocean. The film and music industry attracts people from all over the Midwest who think that they're too awesome for their little podunk towns. Convinced that they'll end up in movies or with a band that's as original as Linkin Park, they flock en masse and float the economy boat of Los Angeles by buying drugs and BMW's with money borrowed from their parents back in IRL-land.

It is also home to very tall and numerous palm trees, who are known to be the first immigrants of Los Angeles before the Gabrielenos, the Spaniards, the Mexicans, the Americans, and everybody else. These trees were imported from South America because LA was a flat desert with nothing on it since the beginning of time. Most people agree that the palm trees are grown that tall for residents to escape the infectious cloud that perpetually hovers over LA, which causes coughing, itching, and the urge to surf and have sex with other men.

Sports

Los Angeles professional sports teams include the Lakers, Clippers, Dodgers, Rioting Niggers, Jew Media Giants, and Galaxy. Sports is a big business in Los Angeles, as the population is largely Mexican, who love sports.

Most of the sports teams are homegrown. Except for the Dodgers, which was stolen from New York when LA realized they were all talentless homos who would orgasm at the thought of the famous baseball 'ass slap'. Also, the Lakers are from Minnesota, a place that actually has lakes. And the Clippers are from Buffalo, NY.

Music

Nothing of lasting musical interest (except The Doors, The Beach Boys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Frank Zappa) was created in Los Angeles. Some Angelenos claim that Los Angeles was the birthplace of rap. Well, it wasn't. The South Bronx in New York City was, in the 1970's. Again, uncreative Angelenos trying to steal something that isn't theirs. Assholes. However, Los Angeles IS the birthplace of gangs, which we can thank for corrupting our youth.

People

See: Mexicans

Average person living in LA

LA is a racial cornucopia. Virtually every country is represented here with a suburb of its own. The majority of these follow the formula Countrytown, or Little Country, e.g. Little Armenia, Chinatown and much of the city being reclaimed by Mexico. These small towns also have nicknames. Little Armenia is often referred to as Bignosia. Lots of Jews and Russians live here too. Despite their differences they all can rejoice in knowing they support the raping of children and the murders of innocent people.

But unfortunately, having all these people living together leads to race riots between Blacks and Latinos (because other minorities are obviously the source of their problems) in the LA Unified School District's high schools, the pride and joy of the city. Being the spawning ground of the countries most popular gangs, like the Crips and Bloods adds to the problem.

The Angelinos thought it couldn't get any worse, but it turns out Cawy Doctorow along with his hilarious website BoingBoing are now Newfags to LA.

If you want to be with rich people, celebs like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears and openly gay types, head over to Hollywood, Westwood and Brentwood. The brown ones have to live in Maywood, Inglewood and Lakewood, mainly are illegal aliens who work in the celebs' mansions and yards.

The Hollywood Cock of Fame

Justice System

As mentioned before, the LA justice system is currently 0 fer .* when deciding on a verdict in a largely publicized trial. Remember the Los Angeles Riots after the Rodney King verdict? Idiots.

Architecture

There are rumors that LA has a skyline. Some people have made claims that in the early morning, they have been able to see through the infectious cloud and see what is described as "four 10-story abandoned buildings" which is now known as "Downtown LA".

Though there is a rumor that there is a sign that says "HOLLYWOOD" somewhere to the north of the city of the same name, this has only been sighted by tourists from other parts of the world who do not live in Los Angeles and thus is regarded as bullshit.