Search engine

In the days before Google and Wikipedia brought the multitude volumes of humanity's collective intelligence to you with mere keystrokes, there were the Search Engines. In this day and age, Google is THE search engine, so the term itself is deprecated.

Shit Search Engines

DISCLAIMER: nobody actually uses any of the following to perform searches anymore. The Google has superseded all of them.

Altavista

In Google's infancy, Altavista reigned supreme in pornfinding mastery. Altavista also introduced Babelfish, which is its lasting legacy, finding use in translating the inane babble in your mom's scheisse videos.

Dogpile

Although all search engines are ultimately used to find porn, Dogpile is used exclusively for bestiality and furry porn, as the name would imply. The creators would have you believe that Dogpile is simply an index for real search engines, but nobody really gives a shit.

Excite

In the days of Google's infancy, the yuppies who ran the show over at excite.com took a long hard look at the Google and determined it was "not a threat." LOL PWNT

AskJeeves

While this is really begging the question, who the fuck is Jeeves and why am I asking him what this rash on my dick could be?

Lycos

Lycos was a third-world search engine, used almost entirely by old women.

Yahoo!

Moar info: Yahoo.

No. Just, no. Yahoo! Messenger and Yahoo! Games are bad enough, but their search engine is far worse.

The Google

Moar info: Google.

Nothing can stop The Google. It is useless to resist.