Taryn

Taryn is basically the furry fandom's biggest slut (until someone worse is found, though it's very unlikely). Some people knew he was one of the biggest whores of the fandom already, but the faggot recently brought his retardation into public and raised himself to a whole new level: by attempting to arrange a fucking bukkake 'party' amongst his closest dick-sucking comrades (read: openly inviting foolish cum-guzzling furfags on a once-private LJ-entry of his), with him in the middle of this magnificent virgin sperm fountain he was planning for God fucking knows how long.

Did we mention that shriveled set of junk of his might actually contain STDS? Yeeeeeah -- definitely not something you want to bring with you in your little party bag while you make your way over to the mrrrfhurfyyiffyiffy^-^ "crazy, free-for-all bareback fuckfest" you've shamelessly decided to participate in. Try not to nab any leaking ulcers on your sack or have your dick rot out once you get in, okay?

Oh wait... It appears that the 'The 2nd annual Wah-kakke & Wah-bang Party~!' has been cancelled. Massive boner kill, bro. Better luck next y-- wait, 2nd annual? What the fuck? This happened once already? Fucking furries and their uncontrolled and rampant AIDS-fests.

JizzCon '09: How It All Started

Already known to some as Mahoumikekun or the "AIDS version of Typhoid Mary" , Taryn got his fifteen minutes of infamy in June 2009, when he announced to the Interwebs that he was hosting a barebacking orgy party at that year's Anthrocon - and everyone was invited! The catch? You have to bring a doctor's note to make sure you're free of diseases! (He wanted to make sure to give you all of HIS diseases firsthand, natch.) Oh, and as "payment" to enter this all-exclusive club, you had to jizz on him.

Yep: Taryn, being the sexually obsessed individual that he is, thought that it would be a GREAT idea to organise a party where sex, drugs, and alcohol could all mix in harmony! (Not realising that such a combination would lead to AIDS and BAWWWing. And that the last time he'd tried this, it ended in failure.) So the dumbfuck directed his browser to the honorable community of show_yer_sheath, the furfag's Livejournal community equivalent of show_your_penis, where he proceeded to write this entry:

Well, it's about that time for Anthrocon '09, and due to popular demand, I'm going to be hosting the 2nd annual Wah-kakke & Wah-bang Party~!

~ The purpose of this party is simple. Taryn the red panda is going to be in the middle of a bukkake gang-bang. Oh my! What fun. X3

Well, it's about that time for Anthrocon '09, and due to popular demand, I'm going to be hosting the 2nd annual Wah-kakke & Wah-bang Party~!

Now, I know that people have lots of misconceptions about last year's party, so I'd like to go ahead and clear that up for you all. It's not a come one, come all sort of deal. This event is (and always will be) invite-only. For some reason, people like to believe that anyone who just wanted to waltz right on in could have a turn... but yeah, that's not the case. If you want to come to the party, you need to RSVP by contacting me in one way or another.

The second misconception is that my party was a crazy, free-for-all bareback fuckfest. XD In all honesty, only one person actually did the deed, if you know what I mean. The reason it came off as otherwise was probably because I exaggerated just a bit to make it out like the party was a huge success. About 15 or so people showed up, but most of 'em just came to watch.

With that said, there are lots of misconceptions and assumptions about last year's events (and myself, heh), and as a result, I've ended up with a pretty bad reputation. Well, I'm doing my best to correct that, and let people see who I am beneath my kinkiness. X3 As naughty as I am, I still am quite responsible, and always play responsibly. You know, like the lottery. Or something. c.c

~ The purpose of this party is simple. Taryn the red panda is going to be in the middle of a bukkake gang-bang. Oh my! What fun. X3

~ The party is invite-only. There will be a guest list, and if you wish to be on it, you'll need to RSVP in advance by contacting Taryn in one way or another. Each person on the guest list may bring one additional guest, who does not have to be on the list. Please provide Taryn with what name will be on your badge, as well as your preference on pictures and videos. (See below~)

~ If you (or someone) is for some reason unable to RSVP in advance, but still would like to attend, contact Taryn while at the convention to receive a special pass to grant you access! However, this won't allow you to bring an additional guest. Sowwie. D:

~ The location of the party will be texted to those on the guest list during Anthrocon. Please provide your cell phone number when you RSVP, or find Taryn at the convention to ask. If your phone does not receive text messages, let Taryn know, and he'll give you a call, instead. :3

~ There will be pictures and video taken at the party, so that those who do not attend can still enjoy. :3 If you are uncomfortable with this, you shouldn't attend. However, we will take into consideration the fact that not everyone wants their faces shown. So, if you wish your face to not be visible in pictures and video, please say so when you RSVP. If you do not wish to be in photos or video at all, then you shouldn't attend.

~ There is an entry free... and this is only to encourage those who attend to be a bit more... active in the party, since last year, the vast majority just stood around. If you want to attend, you'll need to cum at least once, on (or in) the red panda. Pretty simple, right? :3 So if you want to just watch, well... you'll need to at least fap and aim on the wah just once, and then you can sit back and be an observer, if you so choose. ^^

~ The party is NOT bareback-only, although it is preferred. However, if you are wanting to mount the red panda sans protection, you will NEED to have complete test results received within a month prior to Anthrocon 2009 in order to do so. Taryn will also have test results on-hand and readily viewable. If you do decide to bareback, that is your own responsibility, and do it at your own risk. Taryn have the right to say "no" to anyone, and he more than likely will to a few. He doesn't lift tail for absolutely anyone, as much as his reputation might say otherwise. ^^; Please don't be offended if Taryn declines.

~ If you wish to use protection, please bring your own (as well as your lube of preference, please). We won't be able to cater to everyone's... ahem ... you know... size. ^^; It's also requested that if you're using protection, you pull out and cum on the red panda somewhere. We shouldn't let any spoo go to waste. XD

~ No alcohol or food will be present at the party. If you wish to have something to drink or eat, please do so in advance.

~ This party is meant to be an all-on-one sorta deal. If you're wanting to play with someone else, please take it to your own room. Having that said, if you have personal agenda with someone else who is the room, we ask that you please shove those differences aside and try to have a good time. If you wish to create drama or resolve issues between you and another person present at the party, please do it some place else.

~ You must present a valid form of identification to be allowed inside, as well as your con badge. No one under 18 will be admitted.

~ We have the right to remove anyone from the party at any time, for any reason... so please, don't give us a reason. This is all in good fun. Let's have a great time, everyone! ^.~

Hope to see you guys there~! :3

Ah, and for those of you who uh... don't remember who I am, for some reason... here's my xt00bs.

~ Taryn the Wahboi ~

Needless to say, a shitton of people within the fandom caught onto this pretty quick (either because they were as interested in Taryn as fat black women are of KFC, or because they weren't interested at all and needed a good laugh at a dumbfuck's expense), and the story of Typhoid Taryn's party plans were openly mocked by pretty much everyone who heard about it.

Taryn tries - and fails at - defending himself

So after getting mocked to Hell and back, Taryn tries to clear the air:

I don't really have much to say about this, but it will probably turn into a decently-sized post, 'cause I tend to ramble. x.x; Um... let me see...

Well, I thought I was going about it responsibly. Most of what I'm being accused of is based on assumptions, but I can't really blame anyone. It looks bad, but eh, it's just another sex party. Lord knows there's plenty of them at cons. ^^; I just don't see why I'm getting so much flack... Plenty of people bring their animals and have gang-fuck fests with them, yet if it's with a person, oh geez. The world is ending!

Seriously, though... It's at the point where I'm hated because I have a fetish for being gang-banged, and that's fine. That's everyone's perogative. However, I'm not a bad person... nor am I riddled with STDs or handing them out on a silver platter. I'm tested tri-monthly, and if you read my entire post for the party, I have done and will be enforcing everything possible to make sure that everyone stays safe and nothing illegal occurs.

I'm really sorry that this bothers so many of you... but I do believe that I am an adult, and if it's my choice to have a sex party (amongst the many, many others that will be occuring at AC), then I think that choice should be respected. I'm not doing anything illegal (although several of you seem to be misunderstanding a few things in my post... I'm not charging anyone money. x.x ), nor am I doing anything that is harmful to others. I'm not forcing others to attend, nor am I forcing them to do things sans protection.

I think what confuses me the most is after so many years of plushy-fucking and animal-raping parties at conventions... why is this such a big deal?

I've grown numb to the hate. Say what you will... but I know that I'm a good person. I'm kind and compassionate, funny, and will never stoop so low as to troll others and ridicule them for doing things that makes them happy. I'm really sorry that some of you feel the need to do so, but as I said, that's your own perogative.

I highly encourage each and every one of you to contact me and to talk to me about this, since it obviously really bothers you. I have no ill will towards anyone, and am more than willing to clear up any confusion, or hear your arguments out.

Yep, that's right, he thought he was planning his gay orgy very responsibly. Essentially, Taryn tried to use the good ol' "let's divert attention from my attempting to infect people with STDs by pretending that there's animal fucking in pretty much everyone room parties!" ploy to get everyone on his side. Everyone didn't get on his side; in fact, most people were left to wonder just how much lower Taryn's IQ could get.

Party's Closed Due to Mockery

And they were answered soon after, when Typhoid Taryn made this announcement:

Forgive me in advance, if anyone feels that it is inappropriate for me to be posting it here. However, I have been forced to stand up against a tidal wave of bullshit flaming and drama because someone decided to take my post about my party, which was only posted in three members-only sex-based furry communities, and make it public. Now, not only does the entire fandom know about my private party plans at AC, but so do my non-furry friends. So please, I suggest you all read this, and to the moderators, I would appreciate it if you at least let this remain for a week or so. I feel like my privacy has been violated. I never posted this publicly... I thought that this was a place where I could express my sexuality without ridicule or worry about this being posted elsewhere. I think people should learn to give respect to everyone within communities such as these, just as I provide the same to you all.

Well, I suppose if this were a contest, you all have won... but before I get to that, let me clarify a few things. This was not a public free-for-all on my ass, this was an invite-only event for trusted friends. (Not that I can say that much for all of you who usually find your hookups on craigslist, x-tube, or pounced.) My post was made on a private forum for those people to know how to attend. Second, the "entry fee", which you all seem to think was monetary, was actually ejaculate, so unless the Federal Reserve has been moved to the sperm bank, I don't see anything legally wrong with that. Lastly, as this was posted on a private board and some whiny retard decided to make it public, it seems the whole world knows about something that I would have liked to keep private. I hope that makes you feel really good about yourself. I really do, because if my expense were for nothing, there'd be no value in that.

So, you win the "contest". All of you shit-eating, lactating-nipple sucking, diaper-wearing, dick-girl loving, pony-playing, exiling jerks with the 8-inch strap-on attached to your girlfriend and shoved-up-your-ass people get to have your fantasies fulfilled... and I don't. So thanks. I had an opportunity to do so, but unfortunately having group sex is way too much for some to handle, and they felt the need to let the whole world know. (You still better feel great about this, really.) To everyone else who decided to participate in this little debacle, I really hope you got something out of this, too. I know I did: Loads of grief, depression, and the sinking feeling that nobody has enough time on their hands to do something productive, rather than badger some random guy who you probably don't even know. It's alright, I was always told immature people were quick to judge... Guess I was told right. I guess I learned my lesson. Apparently, I've got to keep things more private than private forums that deal only with sex. Apparently other people with other fantasies just aren't trustworthy.

Long and short: Party is canceled, and not like any of you randoms were getting in anyway. For the record, I'm not going anywhere. Just because I've canceled, it doesn't mean I'm leaving the fandom. Nor does it mean I'm not going to AC and having a great time. I'm not a nymphomaniac, nor am I obsessed with having this little secret of mine fulfilled. (Well, not really a secret any more, thanks to someone who will be riding their high-horse all the way to Pittsburgh.) With that, I'd like to bid you all adieu, and let you know that the only reason this has bothered me in the least is because some people can't leave things where they belong, in private. (I certainly hope it still feels great, though!)

Later.

In one way, it's good that he canceled this, since that means furries who were actually interested in getting STDs from a fucking slut would naturally BAWWWWWW all about it. However, it also means that Anthrocon would be devoid of an extra source of drama, what with the cops going to be lurking around thanks to Alan the Kidfucking Panda and PETA getting pissed off at congoers for possibly using real fur in their fursuits.

Other Sexploits

It has been confirmed that the 'wah' is in fact positive. HIV positive in fact.

“	I would rather have sex with one of my KNOWINGLY HIV POSITIVE friends (protected of course) than even so much as hug you again	„
—--One angry furry

You think that the JizzCon '09 idea was the only stupid thing that Taryn has done in the past involving sex? Ohhh no! We're just getting started right here! While the drama involving Taryn is just truly getting delved into now, some furs and anons have been trying their hardest to get their hands on some juice. People have come from all around to reveal and tell their story on some embarrassing things this panda has done. Stuff that includes:

Text Messages

Would you seriously want to yiff someone who looks like this? Really now.

“	whimpers i'm really craving being used right now. I'd love to be leaking with 20+ guys' loads... squirms gods, I'm so naughty when yiff. ^^; blush	„
—Ew.

It should be noted that Taryn is such a slut that he will contact random strangers and former enemies via text message to try and yiff with them, as seen here. That's right: Typhoid Taryn actually sent out a mass message to over twenty people, including a guy he hates and swore off talking to, in an attempt to get them to bunghole his tight ass. When confronted about the subject, he simply shrugged his cumstained shoulders and said:

“	I do dislike you. But when I'm this yiffy, it gets ignored. <.<	„
—Desperate Taryn.

That's right. This man is actually so desperate for sex, he'll forgive all past grievances and actually expect even his worst enemies to bone him.

In another brazen Livejournal post about him, it has also been revealed that apparently, poor twinky little Taryn can't get it up! No wonder he's on the fucking bottom. He couldn't tap any ass if he wanted to!

“

Taryn's 'Ex' Number 1 (2:05:41 AM): i loaned him $100 for medicine to get rid of a std, he told me

Concerned Furry (2:05:48 AM): what STD? *laughs*

Taryn's 'Ex' Number 1(2:05:53 AM): turns out, i just found out lately, he used that money to buy art

Taryn's 'Ex' Number 1(2:05:58 AM): uh, syphillis i think i twas

Taryn's 'Ex' Number 1(2:05:59 AM): it was*

Taryn's 'Ex' Number 1(2:06:02 AM): it was back in january

„

In reponse to this alligation, Taryn responds saying it was an ingrown hair.

“	I'm going to take this time out to also say that...I have never been treated for syphilis. At one point, yes, I thought I might have syphilis, because I developed a small sore...It turned out to be an infected ingrown hair. "Taryn's 'Ex' Number 1" loaned me money in case I needed it to afford treatment if I indeed did have syphilis, but after going to the health clinic, it was determined that I was STD-free. So yeah.	„
—Taryn.

Apparently he had multiple boyfriends during this time that he managed to keep a secret. http://cowboyfromheck.livejournal.com/206832.html?view=466672 As mentioned above, one of them had given him money for treatment from an STD, but instead he spent the money on art commissions.

FWA 2009

“	Your reputation probably also has to do something with the fact you'll crash any yiffy room party that you're not the center of attention at.	„
—--Tattling furfag.

Apparently, this isn't the only fuckparty Taryn hasn't gone to in the past. During Furry Weekend Atlanta 2009, another shitty furcon, Taryn and his neophyte hugbox came an hour late to some sex party, which had already gotten started and was involving three people. Instead of joining into the bukkake, Taryn decides to sit on the sidelines and instead talk about every person he banged instead of actually fucking the other people. As if this douchebag couldn't be conceited enough as it is!

When he was finally asked to leave, he blamed this chastising upon his OH SO GREAT reputation and became extremely offended. In fact, this bawwwfest was so great, that even one of his dippy "friends" came back the next day to the partygoers and apologised for Taryn's shite behaviour. If that isn't sad enough as it is, I don't know what is.

Of course, when confronted by this, Taryn of course denies this. He simply said that he wasn't attracted to the other members of the party. Uh-huh, yeah. Why he didn't just leave is only scraping the very tip of the iceberg in this mountain full of lies. In fact, he says that he actually started grinding on his porn-star mate, but the partygoers said to him that they were "getting ready to leave", so he had to go to. He then blames this whole debacle on the fact that we are all jealous of his skanky ass and that he knows that deep down inside, he is a great and responsible person. Riiiiight...