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CNN

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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CNN or Clinton News Network is a fake news cable station brought to you by the Wonskolaser✡ (They changed their names to Warner) brothers. It started out in 1980 as a 24 hour news channel and in 2024 it is just a fucking joke of a news station, becoming more and more irrelevant every day.

Hosts

Anderson Cooper

A literal faggot with a program called 360, which probably should be called 180 considering how often he change his position and how much he likes to 69. Born a literal millionaire this balding man bought his way into a career in television.


A true professional


S.E.Cupp

SE Cupp getting ready for another day

With nowhere an S or E or even a B cup, the name is as authentic as her supposed atheism.

   
“ 		 
I like to think I adhere to the same Judeo-Christian values that most of religious America does. It's an understanding of and a respect for these values that keeps me moral. SE Cupp
  		„
  		 

   
“ 		 
(I) would never vote for an atheist president.
  		„
  		 

— SE Cupp


Fake news and a fake atheist


Glenn Beck

Moar info: Glenn Beck.

Reza Aslan

Moar info: Reza Aslan.

Cutting off people when mentioning Wikileaks


This was of course deliberate. If you slow down the footage like in the gif below you can see that actually mixes (or transitions) from the person speaking to colorbars. This would not happen if the signal was interrupted. Video mixers and switchers does not work like this. Color bars are an internal feature of the mixer, and not the default goto for an interruption in the feed.



CNN Gets A Scoop of Brainfreeze

On May 11th, CNN showed that there is no level they will not stoop to. In a segment as utterly retarded as it is irrelevant CNN showcased how much they are the old Fox News of the new left. President Emperor Donald Trump invited over some journalists for a meal. As dessert for a chocolate cream pie, The Donald had the audacity to actually have two whole scoops of ice cream, instead of the poor journalists who only had one. But were they the same size? The public needs to know. In order to find just one single person that actually gave a shit, they had to scour the entirety of Twitter, where they finally found one person, with a whopping 22 followers. He responded to a verified left-wing journalist's tweet, who despite having nearly 200k followers, only got 4 replies, 13 likes and 33 retweets. Thus proving the law of Sickboy. Having been watched by more than 70000 people, (that's just online), you'd think the featured tweet perhaps had gotten some traction. But you would be wrong. Despite being on the News, it only got a measly 3 retweets.


This means that CNN has a CTR (Click Through Rate) of 0.002%, if we reckon that 150,000 people saw this sad excuse for television.

   
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0.002%
  		„
  		 

—CNN's click through rate

CNN somehow managed to outdumb Fox News when they were calling Obama anti-American for eating disgusting Dijon mustard on his burger.


Compare that to the CNN video.


Literally Fake News

When London Bridge Attack happened CNN needed to try to convince the good people of the earth that Islam is actually a religion of peace. But as we all know, it isn't. So CNN had to stage a protest (with 6 whole people) so it at least looked like some Mudslimes are against terrorism.

See Also

External links

 CNN
is part of a series on
Fox News

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