User:Jakery
Every Thursday I pay a woman $500 to beat the shit out of me.
Things I endorse
- Getting blown by a wolf
- Marble Madness
- Hooking Michael J. Fox up to a generator during peak demand
- Forcing all Asians to reveal their Special Abilities and superpowers
- Erections lasting longer than four hours
- Hyperinflation
- Telling a woman, "I'm gonna wear your cunt as a hat."
- Unlicensed Tengen cartridges for NES
- Rush Limbaugh going deaf
- American beer that isn't total shit; usually known as "Craft Beer"
- White Russians
- Phil Hendrie
- IRL Trolling
- Legalizing Marijuana
- Harry Potter fan fiction where Harry gets violated by Hagrid
- Harry Potter fan fiction where Harry gets violated by Viktor Krum
- Adding peanut butter to everything
- Putting shit on a piece of paper and mailing it to college in lieu of an admissions essay
- Mutual rape
- Not paying for Adobe Photoshop
- Activision diluting and wrecking every video game franchise it touches
- Shampooing your crotch
- Every second of Borderlands prior to the absolute bullshit ending
- Explosive Diarrhea
- Pegging
- Teledildonics
- Seth MacFarlane getting horse-fucked, a la Mr. Hands
- Michael Moore trolling Fred Phelps with a bus of fags
- Original Playstation
- Not buying bottled water, ever
- Portal 1 and 2
- 16-bit, tile-based video games
- All of the "you deserved it" posts on Fuck My Life
- Bitch Cake with Butt Frosting
- FIFA 12
- Using deli ham as currency
- Local pizza chains; Pizza Hut can suck my dick
- Pedestrian Bowling
- Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
- Milk Duds
- Ving Rhames' head as a subliminal advertisement for Milk Duds
- Cars that drive themselves
- Every phrase delivered by R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket
- Punching your girlfriend's butthole while going down on her for the first time. Women love that shit.
- Having sex with a virgin to cure your AIDS (note: only works in Africa)
- Feeding oxygen into your urethra, thus inflating your scrotum so kids will think it's a balloon
- The elusive Cyclops Tit
- Power pouches
- Railroads
- Wearing nothing from the waist down while working as a bank teller
- Braided pubes
- Going ass-to-ass with a stale baguette
Famous People Named 'Jackson'
| Profession | Significance | |
|---|---|---|
| Michael | Pederast | Voluntarily changes skin color |
| Jesse | Reverend | Has love child; failed to be president |
| Janet | Performing Artist | Shocked the world when she flashed her mutilated tit |
| Andrew | President | Told the Indians where they could stick their peace offering |
| Bo | Athlete | Wrecked his body by playing two sports. Fucking asshole, he deserved it |
| Phil | NBA Coach | Exiled from Chicago; Coached Kobe "Hot Beef Injection" Bryant |
| Stonewall | War criminal | Shot United States soldiers |
| Reggie | Athlete | First negro ever to play baseball |
| Samuel L | Motherfucker | Vocally sodomizes the world |
| Peter | Hairy idiot | Makes movies that never end |
| Miss | Babymamma | Knocked up by Andre 3000 |
| Shoeless Joe | Baseball Permab& | Respawned in corn field as Ray Liotta |
| O'Shea | Ice cube | Star of "Barbershop 2: Back in Business" |