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Steve Ostrowski

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He's watching you.

Steve Ostrowski is a student at the University of California, Davis. Despite the fact that he's a senior, he has never been kissed because of the fact that he is creepy as fuck. He considers himself to be some sort of political operative for conservative justice, despite the fact that his theories are more half-baked than Rush Limbaugh on Oxycontin.

   
“ 		 
As for the Truth only I know the Truth.
  		„
  		 

—Steven Ostrowski, "Church of the Divide"



Titles

Steven loves to give himself titles. At various times, he has called himself:

A self styled Sith Lord of the student government, he uses his lightsaber in inappropriate ways.
  • ASUCD Sith Lord - He has gotten in edit wars to protect this fucktarded title
  • Darth Steve
  • The Emperor
  • Supreme Editor of The Davis Enforcer - at a later ASUCD Court case, he clarified that as Supreme Editor, he actually had no responsibility for the content of the Enforcer
  • DJ Steve Empire
  • Dark Lord of Liberalism
  • Dictator of Relativism
  • Voice of the Progressive Coalition
  • Progressive Attack Machine
  • Leadership Institute Agent
  • Minister of Suppressing Information on Davis Wiki
  • Myspace Catholic Crusader Leader (July-September 2005)
  • Press Officer, Sacramento Global - see Pyramid Scheme section below
  • Wiki Warrior
  • Great Revealer of Anonymous

The Radio Show

SteveO currently has a show on KDVS-FM radio, where he pretends to be a liberal under the name DJ Steve Empire. "The Empire Nation" is exactly like the Colbert Nation, except completely unfunny. If you listen closely in the silent spots, you can occasionally hear a nigra in the background eating fried chicken while ass raping Steve-O with 11 inches of pure pain. Apparently, Jesus didn't tell him that 2 minutes of dead air is a bad thing on the radio.

If you have nothing better to do, you can listen to a podcast of his show here: http://169.237.101.62/archives/KDVS%20Public%20Affairs%20-%20Special%20Programming%20%28Thu%20Jun%2028,%202007,%20128kbps%29.mp3

According to the um, Davis Wiki page, he, um, recorded it rather than going live, so that, um, it would be, um, perfect. Shockingly, Ostrowski is made of fail.

The Wiki Phenom

SteveO has made it to be the ninth ranked editor on Davis Wiki, with about 10% of edits to further his political plans, 65% reverting back to those edits, 10% creepy new titles for himself on his vanity pages, and 10% pure retardation. Note: he's a few percent short of a pie chart.

He insists on enforcing NPOV on a non-NPOV wiki. However, the mods refuse to ban him -- the only ban they've issued is for a complete asstard, Madrigalskylark. His reply to this: "The Davis Wiki is currently having a pointless debate over my account. They will give me terms to which I may or may not agree with, and then I will go ahead and post what I believe to be factual information anyway." (from his eljay)

On the upside, having him around the Davis Wiki inspires lulzy edits like this one.

Since his father was a cop and the internet is serious fucking business, he has tried his hand at being an internet detective. Despite being told many times that internet geolocation services suck on a local scale, he still continues to believe that you're editing from Sacramento, not Davis you moran.

The Catholic Crusaders

During the summer of 2005, probably due to a combination of boredom and unemployment, Steve formed a lulzkilling group on MySpace known as the "Catholic Crusaders" ...for great justice Their mission was to harass Tom to remove all "morally offensive" shit on Myspace, such as n00ds, racism, shaved lesbian pussy, and anything else the Catholic church wouldn't approve of. Of course, that means the pedos got off scot free. Various atheist, gay, and pagan groups fought back and much drama ensued.

The Pyramid Scheme

At one point in 2007, Ostrowski decided to try his hand in business. His ingenious plan? Get other people to sell cellular phones for him under the Sacramento Global Corp. According to his eljay: "I will employ students to spread this business and then within a sort time dominate the student market. These employees at the same time will make it their business to interact with ASUCD and then finally there will be a full CDP slate numbering beyond 6 candidates in November." I WILL DOMINATE THE STUDENT GOVERNMENT THROUGH CELLULAR PHONES MUHAHAHA!!111!1!!

Using the wikiality clause, the business was promptly created after being posted to Davis Wiki. However, after being called out by the local wikizens for not filing for a fictitious business name, the page was unceremoniously deleted.

Student Government

One day, Steven Ostrowski was sitting on the toilet, when he received a revelation from Jesus, as he calls the voice in his head, who told him that he had a destiny: to Christianize the student government. To these ends, he established a new political party to oppose the establishment Greeks and ethnic interests in the local student government, ASUCD: The Christian Slate. Adopting the flag of Vatican City and a pledge of allegiance (the Lord's Prayer), and a Facebook group, Steve was ready to do some student government politics!

Steve railed against the student government for its stance on religious issues. Steve was also divinely inspired to write a bill requiring the Pledge of Allegiance be spoken every week. Despite the fact that he introduced this at least 100 times, the bill has been killed every single time for great justice. He threatened: 

You have also slimmed your chances of getting hired by any non-governmental
organization or business that would take issue with your vote. All companies
do background checks, as I'm sure you are well aware.

The Christian Slate inspired the Jewish Slate, which promised goals such as stopping the sale of pork on campus, and securing the Davis/Woodland border.

Eventually, the Christian Slate was renamed as the Christian Democratic Party because a lot of people told him that being centered on Christianity isn't the way to get elected on a college campus in California. He promptly shooped the Albanian flag for the party this time.

In a massive lapse in judgment, SteveO was hired by the student government -- by a 7-6 vote and fired two weeks later by a unanimous vote-- after he had tried to blackmail the recorder. Even the campus newspaper jumped in on the lulz. While ASUCD has weathered it's share of controversy, it seems that this time luck just wasn't with Sith Lord Steve.

The most lulzy thing he tried to do is bring a cameraman, paid for by the Leadership Institute (a conservative think tank that wants to pwn your student government lol), to film a meeting. The ASUCD Controller came out with his angry German voice, and the video was posted on YouTube. As you can imagine, this expose rocked the nation.

Quotes

"As for the Truth only I know the Truth." -Steve Ostrowski [1]

"The Court Case will be dropped if you allow me to assist you with the Senate minutes. Knowledge of these edits would be between you and me and no one else, because I don’t want people in ASUCD to think less of you, and think that I am trying to manipulate the minutes." -Steve Ostrowski [2]

"The M16 rifle used in some police departments is much safer than a typical pistol especially in urban areas because the rifle bullet explodes upon impact where is a pistol bullet goes through the target and then blasts through several walls before it stops." -Steve Ostrowski, displaying his masterful knowledge of ballistics. [3] (Hint: The bullet can fragment, it doesn't explode.)

Quotes about Ostrowski

"I think the problem is that you don't really post factual information. Or at least the fact/vague rumor ratio is much less than 1. Oh, and that you're an asshat and deserve to die." -- Brent Laabs on Davis Wiki [4]

"I, George Andrews, endorse a ban. He is an embarrassment to the conservative cause and has made a mockery of the years of good will that DCR [Davis College Republicans] built with the ASUCD/UC Davis community in mending fences." -- [5] George Andrews, Executive Director, Orange County Republican Party (Andrews on the Daily Show: lulz)

Vital Links

File:Alt Earth Ostrowski.jpg
In a parallel universe, he's not that bad.
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