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Aleksandr Pistoletov
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Caku at 21:55, 1 July 2021. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT Пираты любят хороший большой пенис!!!1
Pants optional for pirates.
Aleksandr Pistoletov aka "Alexander Pistols" aka "Dongcopter Pirate" is a Russian singer/pornstar who mesmerized the internet last Thursday, by swinging his dick to shitty techno and corny pirate movies, and being stickied on /b/ in fall of 2012. Unfortunately, YouTube finally noticed that a video showing cock uploaded in March 2012 was probably against their Terms of Service and deleted it. But, there's a lot more where that came from.
Pistoletov, or Александр Пистолетов if you're one of those people, is a minor (thrice deleted bio at Russian Wikipedia) techno "artist" who has a thing for dick-swinging on stage. Watching is considered not gay, since he brings naked girls on stage to dance with during these shows. Pistoletov's mastery of cinema is not limited to dancing and waving his cock in front of a video screen. In this video at RedTube, Pistoletov shows his promise as a hardcore porn star.
Note: TO HELL WITH JEWTUBE AND VIMEO!! NOW ON PORNHUB: [1]
After nearly a million views, YouTube deleted the video because it's a guy swinging his dick. In a glorious turn of events, YouTube restored the video, for the lulz. The video had over two million views, because it's a guy swinging his dick, proving once again, the internet makes you gay. The video was taken down for good, but mirrors exist, and you can just google it to find them.
Despite the efforts of whoever mirrored the video, some do not care for our heroic pirate's presence on YouTube, and will report the video. These people are enemies of the lulz and should be ignored.
Translation
“
Continuation of adventures
Of the battles between yachts
All began day after the storm,
That is how I met my frigate.
Let the guests of the sea
Know the might of the pirate
That which rules the entire sea,
Such pirate is a true pirate.
Banging cannons, whistling case-shot
Battle suddenly begins.
Sound of metal, bullets and swords,
This is how a deathly battle goes.
Two frigates met
In a blueish hell of sea.
Our pirate ship
Became your trouble.
Our Pirate ship
Became your trouble, your trouble
Chorus: Not Somalian
And not Caribbean
I am a Russian new pirate.
And not Brazilian,
And not Indian,
I am a Russian new pirate.
Yes that's who I am, I am a new pirate.
It appeared to us from the sea
Suddenly, a sea monster,
To our ship it gripped
A giant octopus.
It threw everyone off board
And sawed off our anchor
So the frigate fell apart
And sank all the way to the bottom.
But our crew was alright,
And got to a nearby island
Where they built a new ship,
Much stronger and faster.
And so we set out to sea
And found that octopus
Shot him up with our cannons,
Till there was nothing left but bones.
On the internet, quite like the sea,
We are rocked, and we rock
[rock = load, "we get rocked by waves, we rock the waves" which has the double meaning of "they download us, we download too", an allusion to computer piracy]
And download our rights
To ships without decks.
If you write something,
Or if you invent something,
Hold on in your hands,
Your copyrights.
Copyright suffocates
Like tentacles of the octopus,
Call a violator a pirate,
Like at the sea.
Pirates like citizens
Have their own laws,
No one will like
Punishments as well.
Prodolzheniye priklyucheniy mezhduyakhtovykh srazheniy,
nachalos' v den' posle buri, Tak ya vstretil svoy fregat.
Pust' uznayut gosti morya vso vladychestvo pirata,
Kto vladeyet vsem morem, nastoyashchiy tot pirat.
Grokhot pushek, svist kortechi, Nachat boy vnezapnoy vstrechey.
Zvon metalla pul' i sabley, Tak idet smertel'nyy boy.
Povstrechalis' dva fregata v sineve morskogo ada. N
ash piratskiy korabl' obernulsya vam bedoy.
Nash piratskiy korabl' obernulsya vam bedoy, vam bedoy.
Ne samaliyskiy, I ne karibskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.
I ne brazil'skiy, I ne indiyskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.
Poyavilos' k nam iz morya Vdrug chudovishche morskoye,
Za korabl' nash vtsepilsya Vdrug gigantskiy os'minog.
On vykidyval vsekh za bort I pilil vsyu nashu yakhtu.
Tak fregat razvalilsya I ushel sovsem na dno.
No komanda utselela, dobralas' na mestnyy ostrov,
gde postroila korabl', po-prochneye i moshchney.
I otpravilis' my v more I nashli my os'minoga.
Rasstrelyali iz pushek do samikh yego moshchey.
Ne samaliyskiy, I ne karibskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.
I ne brazil'skiy, I ne indiyskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.
Da, ya takoy novyy pirat.
V internete, kak na more, Nas kachayut, my kachayem.
I prava svoi kachayem Na bespalubnykh sudakh.
Yesli chto-to sochinil ty ili chto-to ty pridumal,
Svoye avtorskoye pravo, Derzhish' ty v svoikh rukakh.
Slovno nogi os'minoga Dushit avtorskoye pravo,
Nazyvaya, kak na more, Narushitelya - pirat.
U piratov kak u grazhdan Tozhe yest' svoi zakony,
Nakazaniyu takzhe nikto budet i ne rad.
Ne samaliyskiy, I ne karibskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.
I ne brazil'skiy, I ne indiyskiy,
A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.
„
—
Alexander Pistoletov
Other Videos
Far from being a one note guy, our hero has other videos on YouTube and other video outlets. In these, our hero displays his dick swinging skillz by swinging his dick to such things as the Mortal Kombat movie and theme song, the Russian Revolution, and so on. As with the video above, mirrors appear whenever the uncensored versions are removed, and you can just google it to find them. In the meantime, this version where Alex wears what appears to be panty hose on his cock.
Pistoletov makes an appearance on Russian 4chan equivalent 2ch.hk
