Crabcore

Who knew a Frog could have started all of this.

Crabcore is a some gay-ass stance while playing some shitty metalcore music that is now in the mainstream thanks to christfags Attack Attack!. It entails after playing over 9000 breakdowns, screaming like a whiny pussy and wailing your guitar up and down like a kid on assburgers attempting to air guitar and crouching like a crab at the same time. The genre was pushed into the mainstream when the band decided their old version music video of "Stick Stickly" was not br00t4l enough to appeal to the metalhead fans which apparently the band thought they had many of them.

The Video That Started it all ~~Please note this video has high amounts of Faggotry~~ Disregard that, the Jew has robbed us of lulz. ~~OSHI-! Saved by the Mexicans!~~ Only a matter of time.

Crabs? In my genres?

Japanese Taiko drummers doing the infamous "Alaskan King".

I'm pretty sure we can take technicolour very srsly.

Kingler does not approve of this Crab faggotry.

..but Mr.Krabs approves of this Crab faggotry.

There is actually documented evidence from thousands of years from the Japanese Taiko drummers developed these crab-like techniques and well that figures almost anything from Japan is practically fucked up in some type of way, and this Crab dance techniques they developed is no exception to the rule. After days of people making up the genre, and the "Stick Stickly" video was spreading around in some music forums there are actually people srsly debating it whether or not it's really a genre, it has cause a shitstorm so much that....let the quotes speak for itself here (forum thread):

	“	A genre isn't legit just because there's a wiki page for it. I don't care how many bands follow this (if any) crabcore will not become an actual genre of music, for the reasons I mentioned earlier, just like how pirate and viking metal aren't really sub genres because those labels are for lyrical content only (though they're closer to be legitimate sub genres than this).And no, they didn't invent it, but why is there this need all of the sudden to label all the "moves" that compose this thing? Why not back when metal bands started doing it? It's just as bad as how "hardcore dance moves" have been given names...anyways, the techno trance part is the only good part of the song.	„
	—technicolour trying to act smart in his post.

	“	The thread has gone to shit. I don't think anyone ever said this band doesn't belong here, just that crabcore is not a legit subgenre, period. If you were making a joke fine, wasn't funny, moving on.Breakdowns are not an integral part of all hardcore. Tell that to Modern life is war, etc, and even then most "breakdowns" used in hardcore bands are not the "chug chug" kind, just a tempo change.To the user saying bands like this are not a fad right now, you're crazy. It may not be a fad in the mainstream, but in the "extreme" music scene it's all the rage, throwing synth pop mixes in trying to pull off something original. These guys, DWP, Sky eats airplane, fuck there's a thread somewhere on bands of this style.Genghis tron is still the only band I know of that does anything like this and does it well.Plus the image most of these bands carry with them is composed of the most cliched, trend, vomit inducing aspects. The clothes, the hair, the lyrics, etc. I won't judge a band on it's image alone, but it can be a turn off, especially when their music is this trite.And no, my band is not signed, I guess that means we're worse than attack attack, using that logic bands signed on larger labels are better than attack attack?	„
	—technicolour using all of his intelligence about genres.

	“	anyone who really takes this seriously should be banned from the hardcore forum. This is not a genre, just a stupid trend made up by the new hardcore/****ty hip hop/trance sceney weenie kids. A video has nothing to do with a bands talent. Anyone who actually thinks that music is good obviously knows nothing about music and does not know how to listen to it. Just because an awful band got signed to victory because music like that is "all the rage", it doesn't give them any credibility, and that extends to any of their fans.	„
	— pmeg568c really takes his genres very srsly.

How Crabcore is done

I'm pretty sure this Crab knows how to do it.

Chiefly among the crabcore musician's repertoire of stylistic gestures is the crabwalk itself, from which the genre's title is derived. The crabwalk is identified by the player's extremely low stance, wherein both feet are set apart from one another as far as possible, while still allowing the player to maintain at least a 90 degree bend in his knees. While in the crab stance, the player then purposefully transfers the weight of his upper body between each leg, achieving a swaying motion intended to have a hypnotic, nauseating and baffling effect on audience members\

BONUS TIP*: Try your best to imitate a fat chick taking a piss in the forest.

Other moves available to crabcore players include:

The "Alaskan King"
The "Peanut Skinner"
The "Jørgenslam"
The "Dirty Hamper"
The "Pestal Press"
The "Arch Carrier"
The "Dungeness Dip"
The "Cock Duster"
The "Squirrel"
The "OrBenetiko v.II"
The "Mothafuck'n Crabadab"

Notable Crabcore bands

Attack Attack! - The only band that has successfully mixed shitty auto-tune vocals, techno breakdowns, and Crabcore moves with their music video "Stick Stickly"; Crabcore's very own "Smells Like Teen Spirit".

Confide - Now that Crabcore has entered the mainstream, bands like Confide are taking the genre into new, uncharted waters. "Prog-Crab", if you will. Like Crabcore, Prog-Crab still sports the douchey hairstyles and purposefully-ripped-spray-on-jeans, but unlike Crabcore, has the drummer perform the clean vocals, and not the guitarist. Also see their take on the crab stance (starts around 2:58 if you wanna skip the aural diarrhea), which can be interpreted as a reaction to Attack Attack!'s more straight forward approach.

This Romantic Tragedy - A Ripoff of Attack Attack! that has 3 vocalists going on at the same time, interestingly enough their music video was directed by the same fag as Stick Stickly.

Abandon All Ships - A guido Attack Attack! clone, though featuring a higher concentration of gay Euro Disco to hardxcore breakdown and a higher budget music video than Stick Stickly. Money well spent, clearly.

Our Crustaceous Nemesis - Stupid faggot crabcore band arising in Plantation, Florida that thinks it's cool to name their new demo "We've got crabs!! DO YOU?" Their myspace is http://www.myspace.com/ourcrustaceousnemesis or just call them here and tell them what you think. Augie - 954-803-8767 Cam - 754-422-7691.

Shibo - A underground Russian band that laid the foundation for Crabcore..figures since Russia is a boring ass place with nothing to do.

HELIA - Italian crabcore with more pizza and a fat vocalist. Delete the guitar parts and you got Tiesto!

Bionic Ghost Kids - From Germany! The latest bastardisation of Krautrock which mad Rammstein facepalm. 90% less guitar playing, more dance autotune. Song 'Wrapped in Plastic' is about condoms.

Note

Attack Attack! The band that started this shit off is trying to get away from their crabcore roots and play metalcore, even though they just released a new shirt with the words "Crab Fucking Core" on the front in huge bold letters.

Despite this, they recently released a video which lacks a serious amount of Crabcore. Also note how they try to change their style to a very classy one.

On 19th October 2010, Attack Attack! decided to troll the fans of two faggot christcore bands; Martyr Defiled and Annotations of an autopsy by saying they are ignorant to Christ. This caused massive butthurt and Attack Attack!'s Facebook fan page was then immediately raped by raged fans, and still continues to this moment.

Crabcore Vids

Previous Video | Next Video

Southern Illinois kids attacked by the crabs.

Russian crabcore kids

	“	These kids are functional retards. Their one wish was to put on a show for their peers. Sure it sounds like the worst shit I've ever heard, but they are doing the best they can given their mental capacities	„
	—ferrisstateguy'