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Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Leonardo Cockworthy at 02:47, 19 March 2014. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
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BREAKING UPDATE FAGGOTS! The flight path may have been diverted from its intended course! Special in-depth expose at 7'oclock tonight on Piers Morgan! Stay tuned!

You know what they say about journalism... If it bleeds, it leads... right? Unfortunately for distinguished press outlets worldwide, March of 2014 has turned out to be a pretty dry month in the annals of human affairs. In the absence of a lulzy school shooting or Tsarnaev copycat for like, another goddamned month, shit-eating hack journalists had to scrape by on what little they could salvage. Enter the sudden international panic and saturation coverage over the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, a fucking jumbo jet full of chinks, gooks, spics, and spooks. Besides - most of them probably didn't even speak English, so no great loss, right?

As always, the evil liberal Jew media would have you believe otherwise. This is Cuban Missile Crisis, Iran Hostage-level shit going on right now.

Plausible Theories on What Happened

  • The leading theory among self-proclaimed experts is that one pilot was in an heroic mood and going for the MS Flight Simulator High Score but proved too pussy to pull off a 9/11 so he just kamikazeed 200+ passengers into the fucking ocean. To his credit, he may have earned second place - a noble effort.
  • Can't rule out good old fashioned Jihad! Keep in mind - this is deep shitskin territory we're talking here.
  • Catastrophic Mechanical Failure
  • Controlled-Flight-Into-Terrain (CFIT), unintentionally or otherwise
  • Ball Lightning
  • Meteor Impact

Much More Plausible Theories on What Happened

See Also