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| [[Image:Billymaysalphatoomega.jpg|thumb|BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE THOUGHT-FOCUSING POWERS OF COCAINE!]]
| | Have you ever noticed that the pacing, tone, and story development of Pokémon changes after Ash is hit by lightning in the early episodes? How Ash and his world are relatively normal until after that incident? I have a theory. |
| [[Image:Billymayscocaine.jpeg|thumb|HIGH BILLY MAYS HERE!]]
| | The accident with the bike put Ash into a coma. Days later, he was found and hurried to the hospital and treated with heavy medications. This is why Team Rocket became less menacing. The medication took effect and stabilized his coma dreams so that, instead of being terrifying, they became idyllic. They allowed him to live out his Pokémon Master fantasies.After the beginning episodes, the series is the result of Ash’s subconscious mind fulfilling his desires as well as attempting to escape reality. Should Ash realize he’s in a coma, he would wake up and suffer brain damage, so he must take down all of his mental barriers one by one.If he can do that, he can come to grips with who he is and escape his coma. Further evidence comes from the realization that even though his journeys take him vast distances, he never usually travels by bike due to having developed a phobia of them.The coma and fantasy explains why he never changes much, physically. It explains the worldwide socialism, as he thought up a safe system of government that would run smoothly and keep the world going, allowing his adventures to work like they do.It also explains how a child can go off on his own into a world full of dangerous and untamed animals. In addition, it explains why every town has the same police officer and every Pokémon Centre has the same nurse.Joy and Jenny he knew from his hometown and they act as a safety net or anchor, allowing him to feel safe no matter where he goes. They represent stability. The professors represent Ash’s ideals, which is why Gary became a professor.The fantasy also explains why every time he enters a new region that virtually no one has heard of him, despite his conquests. How else could Paul, the rival of the Sinnoh area, not know of someone who placed in at least the top sixteen of all three leagues and destroyed the Orange League and Battle Frontier! |
| [[Image:Shutyourwhoremouth.png|thumb|[[All Caps|ARE YOU READY TO UNLEASH THE FUCKING POWER OF OXI-CLEAN?!]]]]
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| Hi, '''Billy Mays''' here, to tell you all about myself in my own article, here on good old Encyclopedia Dramatica.
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| Billy Mays used to be [[an hero|an American Hero]] famous for his [[television|TV]] sales pitches that sold generations of [[fat|outstanding]] citizens a wide range of ass-kicking products and [[Hookers and blow| for knowing how to live life to the fullest]]. You probably knew Billy Mays as that guy in the [[blue]] shirt that was always screaming at you about the [[awesome]]ness of his products from behind your television screen during infomercials, thus intimidating you into [[Prank call|calling in]] and purchasing something you didn't actually need. It is this unnerving high pitched squealing that has earned him Consumerama's "Naked Mole Rats of Marketing Award" in the lulzy field of [http://www.consumerama.net/nmr/winners.html "Shameless Consumer Abuse"]. Shortly before his death, he starred in a [[TV]] show called [[Gentlemen|''Pitchmen'']], about his career. Before Mays's death he was building a new house, a house that would be his own personal Xanadu, which included a five car garage filled with his favorite white powder (And no, I don't mean Oxyclean!) The house is now owned and operated by his widow, and is located on Lake Robinson in Greer: Greenville, SC, 29550
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| __TOC__
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| In addition to his [[work]] in marketing some of the baddest household cleaning/maintenance shit the world has ever seen, Mays was also an early pioneer and expert in the field of [[EXTREME ADVERTISING]], due to his aggressive marketing style and unexplainable need to always speak in [[ALL CAPS]]. He was additionally somewhat [[notable]] for [http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080527182939AAGD0UH looking like] a [[bear]] but was "[[not gay]]" [[Wikipedia:Billy_mays#Personal_life|according to TOW]].
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| {{quote|His signature yelling approach to pitching an array of products, along with his recognizable '''[[Wise Beard Man|beard]]''', have gained Mays a substantial amount of recognition.|And that's from fucking [[Wikipedia]] so you [[lie|know it's true]]. - [[Wikipedia:Billy_Mays|TOW]]}}
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| Billy Mays died just days after [[Michael Jackson]], also from a heart attack, at the same age of 50. This was most likely [[Death Note|Kira's]] doing, because he is a fucking egotistical bastard.
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| <center><font size=5>[[Font size=5|WE HONOR THIS GENTLE]], [[Extreme advertising|YET LOUD]], [[Pimp|BEARDED BEAST]] [[Word|WITH THESE PITHY WORDS]].</font></center>
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| {{Quote|I wish some other "beloved" celeb would die so we could get a break from all this [[Wacko Jacko]] coverage.|[[ODB]], 27 June [[2009]]}}
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| {{quote|Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet Prince.
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| And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.|[[CSI|Horatio]]}}
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| {{quote|I DO COCAINE!|[[Billy Mays]], [[drug|cokehead]]}}
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| ==[[Typical|TYPICAL]] INFOMERCIAL==
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| [[Image:Billy Mays Hammer.gif|thumb|left|BILLY MAYS WILL [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|WRECK YOUR SHIT]].]]
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| [[Image:Billy mays.jpg|thumb|A CHALLENGER APPEARS!!!!!]]
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| BILLY MAYS WAS NOT INVOLVED WITH THE [[kkk|KU KLUX KLAN,]] BUT HE WAS STILL A [[Nazi|NIGGER STOMPER]] AND USUALLY CAPTURED HIS AUDIENCE'S ATTENTION BY BUSTING ON TO THE SET OF THE INFOMERCIAL LIKE A [[Kool-Aid|BUTTHURTING KOOL-AID MAN]] ON [[cocaine|CRACK]] AND BEGAN YELLING ABOUT THE AMAZING POWER OF WHATEVER RANDOM GIZMO HE HAPPENED TO BE PEDDLING THAT DAY. THOSE VIEWERS WHO HADN'T SUFFERED [[shock|SHOCK]]-INDUCED [[HNNNNNNGGGGG|HEART ATTACKS]] OR FLED THE ROOM IN TERROR WERE NOW COMPLETELY ENAMORED BY BILLY MAYS' MARKETING PITCH. MAYS THEN WENT ON TO DEMONSTRATE HOW ASTOUNDING HIS PRODUCT WAS AND HOW YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY GO ABOUT YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE WITHOUT IT. HE ACCOMPLISHED THIS THROUGH MANY MEANS, HIS [[Howard Dean|DEAFENING VOCAL STYLE]] BEING ONE OF THEM. MAYS ALSO RESORTED TO STRINGING TOGETHER A BUNCH OF NURSERY SCHOOL RHYMES ABOUT THE PRODUCT (HE WAS PROBABLY THE ONLY GROWN [[man|MAN]] WHO COULD GET AWAY WITH THIS) OR THROWING TOGETHER OVER-ELABORATE “PRACTICAL” [[Protest|DEMONSTRATIONS]] AND SHOWING HOW HIS PRODUCT COULD [[pwn|OVERCOME]] THEM WITH EASE. NIGGERS NEVER REALLY CAUGHT ON.
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| [[Image:Billymaysecksbawks.png|thumb|BILLY MAYS HERE, THE GREAT THING ABOUT GETTING DOUBLE YOUR ORDER OF OXICLEAN ISN'T ABOUT GETTING IT FREE, IT'S TELLING EVERYONE ONLINE THAT YOU DID.]]
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| FOR INSTANCE, SAY MAYS WAS MARKETING A CARPET CLEANER; FOR A DEMO HE WOULD BUST INTO YOUR [[house|HOUSE]] AND SPILL A JUG OF RED WINE AND A [[bucket|BUCKET]] OF [[sheep|SHEEP'S]] [[blood|BLOOD]] ON YOUR CARPET, THEN [[piss|PISS]] ON IT JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE. HE'D THEN BREAK OUT THE [[Shamwow|ZORBEEZ]]!. AND LIKE [[magic|MAGIC]], THAT STAIN HAD ITS ASS HANDED TO IT ON A PLATTER. BUT BEFORE LEAVING WITH JUST A SIMPLE GOODBYE AND A PHONE NUMBER, BILLY MAYS WOULD CONTINUE HIS ASSAULT ON YOUR AUDITORY SENSES AND PROMISE TO [[sex|SEXTUPLE]] THE OFFER '''''FOR [[free|FREE]]'''''!!!!! AND HE'D EVEN THROW IN SOME MIGHTY PUTTY, A COUPLE HERULES HOOKS, AN AWESOME AUGER, AND A [[List of sex moves|HANDJOB]], ALL FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF ONLY $19.95 - '''[[Lie|BUT ONLY IF YOU CALL WITHIN THE NEXT 30 SECONDS!]]'''
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| [[Time Paradox|BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T FILM THESE THINGS AHEAD OF TIME AND RUN THEM CONTINUOUSLY, YOU KNOW.]]
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| <center>'''THE POWER OF MIGHTY SHINE PLEASES SIR BILLY MAYS.'''</center>
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| <center><youtube>5Hc5Ld4FGkc</youtube></center>
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| ==TRIBUTE AND INFORMATIONAL VIDEOS==
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| <center>
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| {{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
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| |<youtube>OpJGZ9RHAvU</youtube>
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| |<youtube>ZqORu8D8gs4</youtube>
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| |<youtube>--W15tqiLpU</youtube>
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| |<youtube>iOmvdeNa67E</youtube>
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| |<youtube>GPLrm3Omkjg</youtube>
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| |<youtube>LAE-r0fhiJE</youtube>
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| |<youtube>2SabRvYb0eE</youtube>
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| |<youtube>NqdZ4t1cft4</youtube>
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| |<youtube>TVhHKNORLrw</youtube>
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| |<youtube>LHgEnN2PFzo</youtube>}}
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| </center>
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| ==BILLY MAYS AND THE INTERNET==
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| [[Image:Billy Mays Roll Combo.png|thumb|BILLY MAYS COMBO ROLL ON [[B/|/b/]].]]
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| [[Image:Billymayswiki.jpg|thumb|HI BILLY MAYS HERE AND DO I HAVE A WIKIPEDIA PAGE FOR YOU]]
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| WHEN BILLY MAYS WAS NOT SCAMMING PEOPLE OUT OF MONEY, YELLING AT RANDOM STRANGERS, OR INSULTING YOUR [[Man|MASCULINITY]], HE COULD BE FOUND [[lurk|LURKING]] THE INTERNET. DUE TO MAYS' REPUTATION FOR BEING THE LOUDEST SALESPERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET, HE HAS GAINED QUITE A BIT OF POPULARITY HERE ON THE [[Internets|INTERNETS]].
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| [[Image:BILLYMAYSWIKISHOUT.jpg|thumb|BILLY MAYS WAS SCHEDULED TO START SHOUTING COMMERCIALS FOR TACO BALL SOON, THAT'S RIGHT, SHOUTING!]]
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| BILLY MAYS CAN STILL BE FOUND SHOUTING ON A WIDE VARIETY OF WEBSITES FROM THE GRAVE, AS HE HAS BEEN A RECURRING [[meme|MEME]] FOR YEARS ON SUCH SITES AS [[YTMND]], [[YouTube|YOUTUBE]], AND EVERYWHERE IN BETWEEN. IN ADDITION, MANY YOUTUBERS HAVE CREATED PARODIES AND TRIBUTES TO MAYS, BUT THEY'RE ALL PAINFULLY [[unfunny|UNFUNNY]], BECAUSE THE CREATORS [[fail|FAIL]] TO REALIZE THAT YOU CANNOT BEAT PERFECTION.
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| MAYS HAS GAINED A NOTABLE AMOUNT OF ATTENTION FROM [[4chan|4CHAN]], AS WELL, AND HE IS OFTEN USED IN THE MAKING OF [[copypasta|COPYPASTA]]. FOR INSTANCE:
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| <blockquote>
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| '''HI /b/, DISREGARD RULES 1 AND 2 BECAUSE... BILLY MAYS HERE FOR OXI-CLEAN. I'VE HEARD A LOT OF SHIT ABOUT THIS PALMOLIVE BULLSHIT, AND I'M HERE TO CLEAR ALL THAT UP. YOU FUCKING NIGGERS KNOW THAT OXI-CLEAN WILL TAKE THE HAIR RIGHT OFF YOUR DOG'S BALLS AND ASS, LEAVING THE SKIN FRESH AND [[Rimjob|KISSABLE]]. OXI-CLEAN MAKES UGLY BITCHES DO-ABLE, AND I PERSONALLY PUT TWO SCOOPS IN MY COFFEE EVERY MORNING. '''
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| '''IN CONCLUSION, FUCK YOU. FUCK [[Your Mom|THAT OLD BITCH]]. FUCK PALMOLIVE.'''
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| </blockquote>
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| BILLY MAYS IS THE PRIMARY CONTENDER TO [[George Zimmer|GEORGE ZIMMER'S]] THRONE OF [[ALL CAPS]] COPYPASTA RANTS, AND THE CHANNERS OFTEN [[roleplay|ROLEPLAY]] THE TWO ENGAGING IN EPIC BATTLES OF [[intelligence|WIT]] AND MANLINESS, USUALLY TO VERY [[lulz|LULZY]] EFFECTS. MAYS GAINED EVEN HIGHER STANDING AMONGST THE /B/TARDS WHEN, IN JUNE 2008, A VERY [[delicious cake|DELICIOUS]] PIECE OF COPYPASTA WAS MADE IN HONOR OF MR. MAYS:
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| <blockquote>
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| '''HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH KABOOM. DO YOU HAVE LOTS OF DIRTY SHIT IN YOUR HOUSE THAT NEEDS ALL CLEANED UP? THEN BUY SOME OF THIS GODDAMN KABOOM. THIS SHIT COULD CLEAN THE WARTS OFF YOUR SISTER'S VAGINA. YOU CAN PUT SOME KABOOM ON YOUR DICK, AND IT'LL GROW THREE INCHES. FUCK.'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''IN A FEW MINUTES, THERE WILL BE A GODDAMN NUMBER ON YOUR SCREEN. CALL THAT SHIT AND BUY SIX JUGS OF THIS FUCKING KABOOM AND WE'LL THROW IN A SAMURAI SHARK AND SOME GODDAMN ZORBEEZ. WHAT ARE ZORBEEZ? YOU BEST BE JOKING, NIGGER. THOSE FUCKING TOWELS CAN SOAK UP LIKE A GALLON APIECE. YOU'LL PROBABLY NEED THEM AFTER YOU [[HNG|SHARPEN YOUR FUCKING SCISSORS WITH THE SAMURAI SHARK]]. BECAUSE YOU'LL SIMULTANEOUSLY SHIT, PISS, AND EJACULATE IN YOUR PANTS. HOW DO YOU PISS AND EJACULATE AT THE SAME TIME? FUCK YOU, THAT'S HOW. CALL ME NOW AND I'LL STOP YELLING. NEVERMIND, I CAN'T STOP SO FUCK YOU. I'M GONNA GO JACK OFF WITH SOME ORANGE-GLO SO PEACE OUT NIGGERS.'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''SO CALL 1-800-781-7529 NOW AND TELL THEM BILLY MAYS SENT YOU'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''THAT NUMBER AGAIN IS 1-800-781-7529'''<br>
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| '''THATS ONE EIGHT ZERO ZERO SEVEN EIGHT ONE SEVEN FIVE TWO NINE'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''CALL NAO!'''
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| </blockquote>
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| THE ABOVE PIECE OF WRITING REPRESENTS THE CULMINATION OF MAYS' LIFE WORK AND IS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF HIS EXCELLENCE IN THE FIELD OF [[EXTREME ADVERTISING]]. WE SALUTE YOU, BILLY MAYS.
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| THE ABOVE COPYPASTA HAS ALSO BEEN APPLIED TO OTHER THINGS, SUCH AS:
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| Nutella:
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| <span class="co;(COLLAPSE);(EXPAND);0;billymaysnutella"></span>
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| <div class="billymaysnutella">
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| <blockquote>
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| '''HI, BILLY MAYS HERE WITH NUTELLA. DO YOU HAVE LOTS OF UNTOPPED BREAD IN YOUR HOUSE THAT NEEDS SOME SMEARING UP? THEN BUY SOME OF THIS GODDAMN NUTELLA. THIS SHIT COULD CLEAN THE UNTASTEFULNESS OFF YOUR SISTER'S VAGINA. YOU CAN PUT SOME NUTELLA ON YOUR DICK, AND IT'LL GROW THREE INCHES. FUCK.'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''IN A FEW MINUTES, THERE WILL BE A GODDAMN NUMBER ON YOUR SCREEN. CALL THAT SHIT AND BUY SIX CANSOF THIS FUCKING NUTELLA AND WE'LL THROW IN A SAMURAI SHARK AND SOME GODDAMN [[Pocky|POCKY]]. WHAT ARE POCKY? YOU BEST BE JOKING, NIGGER. THOSE FUCKING "CANDIES" CAN MAKE LIKE A BILLION WEEABOOS BE EVEN GAYER. YOU'LL PROBABLY NEED THEM AFTER YOU FUCK YOUR FUCKING SISTER WITH THE POCKY. BECAUSE YOU'LL SIMULTANEOUSLY SHIT, PISS, AND EJACULATE IN YOUR PANTS. HOW DO YOU PISS AND EJACULATE AT THE SAME TIME? FUCK YOU, THAT'S HOW. CALL ME NOW AND I'LL STOP YELLING. NEVERMIND, I CAN'T STOP SO FUCK YOU. I'M GONNA GO JACK OFF WITH SOME ORANGE-GLO SO PEACE OUT NIGGERS.'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''SO CALL 1-800-781-7529 NOW AND TELL THEM BILLY MAYS SENT YOU'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''THAT NUMBER AGAIN IS 1-800-781-7529'''<br />
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| '''THATS ONE EIGHT ZERO ZERO SEVEN EIGHT ONE SEVEN FIVE OVER 9000 NINE'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''CALL NAO! NEVAAA!!!!11ELEVEN1ONE1!'''
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| </blockquote>
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| </div>
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| AND UNDERAGE GIRLS:
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| <span class="co;(COLLAPSE);(EXPAND);0;billymaysunderagegirls"></span>
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| <div class="billymaysunderagegirls">
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| <blockquote>
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| '''HEY GUYS, IT'S BILLY MAYS HERE WITH [[Jailbait|UNDERAGE GIRLS]]. ARE YOU TIRED OF SECOND HAND VAGINA AND LOOSE PUSSY? THEN FUCKING GET SOME OF THIS UNDERAGE GIRLS. THIS JAILBAIT'S BIRTH CANAL IS SO TIGHT IT CAN TURN A FIVE POUND BAG OF SPUDS INTO MASHED POTATO'S. THIS SHIT IS SO FRESH THAT [[Jam It In|NOT EVEN FUCKING A LOAF OF BREAD FEELS THIS GOOD]]. THESE GIRLS ARE SO FLAT THAT THEIR FUCKING NIPPLES LOOK LIKE SOMEONE DREW THEM UP ON CRAYONS. THEY'RE NIPPLERS ARE AS FUCKING HARD AS MIGHTY PUTTY! FUCK!'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''IN A FEW MINUTES, I'M GOING TO WRITE NUMBERS ON THESE GIRLS BREASTLESS TITS. HOW CAN I DO THAT? FUCK YOU, THAT'S HOW. CALL THIS NUMBER IN FIVE MINUTES AND WE'LL THROW IN A FUCKING SACK OF ORGASMING GOPHERS! HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET ORGASMING GOPHERS? WE SHOWED THEM FUCKING PAMELA ANDERSON WEARING A PETA SHIRT YOU NIGGER. CALL IN ONE MINUTE AND WE'LL ALSO THROW IN SOME FUCKING KABOOM SO YOU CAN CLEAN OUT THOSE BITCHES VAGINA SO YOU CAN USE THEM OVER AND OVER...AND IT'LL SMELL LIKE A FUCKING PINESOL. IT'S LIKE HAVING SEX WITH EVERY TREE IN A FOREST AT THE SAME TIME. IT'S LIKE FUCKING A HALLOWED OUT PINECONE WHILE LISTENING TO [[Dream Theater|DREAM THEATER]].'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''I'M WRITING THIS FUCKING NUMBER NOW, SO CALL THIS SHIT AND ORDER THESE GOD DAMNED PUBELESS FUCKS. WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT, AND WITHIN TWO WEEKS YOU'LL HAVE A BOX ON YOUR DOORSTEP. IF YOUR NEIGHBORS ASK WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THE BOX TELL THEM BILLY MAYS SENT IT AND TO SHUT THEIR FUCKING VAGINAMOUTHS OR ELSE YOU'LL SHOVE AN EIGHTEEN FOOT LIZARD UP THEIR ASS. THAT'S A BIG FUCKING CROCODILE, YOU IGNORANT FUCK!'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''FUCK THIS PERMANENT MARKER IS OUT OF INK AND I DON'T WANT TO STARE AT GIRLS CHESTS ANYMORE. IT'S LIKE I'M LOOKING AT A SHIRTLESS EIGHT YEAR OLD ASIAN BOY. FUCK WE SELL THAT TOO.'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''SO CALL 1-800-781-7529 NOW AND TELL THEM BILLY MAYS SENT YOU'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''THAT NUMBER AGAIN IS 1-800-781-7529'''<br />
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| <br />
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| '''THAT'S ONE EIGHT ZERO ZERO SEVEN EIGHT ONE SEVEN FIVE TWO NINE'''<br />
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| '''CALL NOW!'''</blockquote>
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| </div>
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| ==WHAT THE INTERNETS ARE SAYING==
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| <center>
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| [[Image:Billy Mays YT Comments.png||400px]]
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| <br><br>
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| {{frame|{{morphquote|mqtest4|background-color: white; width: 600px; height: 400px;|font-weight: bold;
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| |Billy Mays has sold 134 pairs of shoes to legless people. Out of 130 legless people he tried selling shoes to.
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| One guy dared Billy Mays to sell lava as a drain cleaner. That guy bought the lava for Twenty bucks from him two minutes later.
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| Oxy Clean isn't really just a detergent, it's the concentrated power of Billy May's awesome selling powers.|Some jackass on [[YouTube]] trying to turn Mays into the next Chuck Norris.
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| |Wow. It's almost like he's saying "Alright, you dumbfuck, buy my shit or I'll personally fuck you up."|Billy Mays is pretty intimidating.
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| |Kaboom and my hearing's gone!|[[beaner|vasquezcherie]]
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| |Let's see what else the mighty Mighty Putty can do. Um, oh ya, let's put a nice big glob of it over that bastard's mouth. I doubt even THAT can shut this jackass up. For a REAL good test, let's put a glob on his dink then affix it to a chain on a truck, and a glob on his ass to a chain to ANOTHER truck and watch them pull.|Obvious sockpuppet of [[Cillit Bang|Barry Scott]].
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| |'''fumetti''': Billy Mays do us a favor and jump in the path of a moving train, you fucking asstard.
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| <br>'''bleackorama''': He WOULD jump in front of a train... covered in armor made from MIGHTY PUTTY! Look at that shit, motherfucker? Who'd be afraid of a planet falling on them if they were shielded with that shit!? Hell, bring on World War III in my opinion, I'll be in my MIGHTY PUTTY BUNKER. FUCK YES!|Moar [[JewTube]] comments.
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| |You motherfuckers can't believe this shit, HI I'M BILLY MAYS|Can you believe it? BILLY MAYS doesn't seem to think so.
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| |I stole a box of this shit to see how it was. The putty works great, does everything they say it does. But what they don't tell you is that the putty smells like somebody shat out rotten eggs and then ate them, then vomited them into a vat full of putrid meat. Then let it sit out in the sun for two years.|YouTube commenter comments on Mighty Putty.
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| |I bought Mighty Putty the other day to see if it could mirror comic strips like it's brother, Silly, does. I also got a little horny and [[I accidentally X|accidentally]] plugged my anus and my dickhole with it. So now whenever I have to go to the bathroom, I get a case of [[Shitting Dick Nipples]].| Another YouTube commenter comments on Mighty Putty.
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| |HI, BILLY MAYS HERE! THAT SHOWER SCENE WAS FROM WHEN I RAPED AND MURDERED ONE OF THESE ASSHOLES ON YOUTUBE WHO CALLED ME LOUD AND ANNOYING! I INITIALLY HAD RESERVATIONS ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK I COULD CLEAN UP SUCH A HORROR SHOW BUT THEN I REMEMBERED I CARRY A BOTTLE OF KABOOM! WITH ME EVERYWHERE I GO! THAT SHIT GETS RID OF ALL TRACES OF MY MURDEROUS RAMPAGES AND EFFECTIVELY MASKS ANY DNA I LEAVE BEHIND AFTER I FINISH SODOMIZING THE CORPSES OF MY VICTIMS!|BILLY MAYS.
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| |I don't use anything except OxiClean to wash magic marker from my butt.|[[Dorian Thorn]]
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| |HIS WORDS ARE LOUD HIS FACE IS BEARD|Anon
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| }}|border=green|background=white}}
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| </center>
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| ==BILLY MAYS AND FORUM FREAKS==
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| [[Image:Bill mays lawl.jpg|thumb|center|WHY IS IT NOT IN CAPS FUCKHEAD?]]
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| {{quote|I think I saw that site once when I Googled him. I didn't follow the link you posted, but is that the one where they refer to him as a '[[bear]]'? It was pretty sickening to think of Billy Mays naked, let alone having [[sex]] with anyone!!! I hate to be anywhere within a 50 mile radius when he fired off the baby batter!! Could you imagine how friggin loud that would be?? I swear I bet his wife has the ear doctor on speed dial!! It's funny, but Billy Mays is what brought me to this site many moons ago. I Googled, "I hate billy Mays" and found CIH!!! LOL|Wild Starchild}}
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| [http://forums.commercialsihate.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=955&PID=15370 SAUCE!]
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| ==[[Goodnight Sweet Prince|GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE]]==
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| [[Image:Billy_Mays_Here!.jpg|thumb|left|ADMIT IT, YOU LAUGHED, YOU [[dick|DICK]]]]
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| [[Image:Billy-Mays-Grave.jpg|thumb|left|BILLY MAYS' GRAVE. GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE!]]
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| [[Image:Mighty putty heart.jpg|thumb|IT CAN'T FIX [[SHIT]]. LET'S FACE IT.]]
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| [[Image:Billymaysfuneral.jpg|thumb|left|HIS COFFIN WAS OBVIOUSLY POLISHED WITH ORANGE GLO.]]
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| {{quote|'''JUST HAD A CLOSE CALL LANDING IN TAMPA. THE TIRES BLEW OUT UPON LANDING. STUCK IN THE PLANE ON THE RUNWAY. YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON U.S. AIR.'''|[http://twitter.com/realBillyMays/status/2362206907 @realBillyMays]}}
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| [[Image:KEIKAKUDOORI.jpg|thumb|[[Shamwow|REST IN PEACE, BILLY BOY!]]]]
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| [[Image:Billy mays in heaven.jpg|thumb|HE DIDN'T ACTUALLY GO TO HEAVEN IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.]]
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| ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END. IN TRAGIC FASHION, THE LAST LIFE TO END IN THIS TRAGIC WEEK HAS BEEN THE LIFE OF A LEGEND. A TRULY EPIC PERSON WHOSE PRESENCE IN THIS WORLD BROUGHT US VALUABLE INFORMATION ABOUT CUTTING-EDGE HOUSE CLEANING TECHNOLOGIES. ON SATURDAY, THE 27TH OF JUNE OF 2009, BILLY MAYS HAD JUST FINISHED SHOOTING A BRAND NEW OXI-CLEAN INFOMERCIAL IN THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE, [[Philadelphia|PHILTHADELPHIA]]. ON THE RETURN FLIGHT TO HIS HOME IN FLORIDA, THE AIRPLANE SUFFERED A BLOWN TIRE UPON LANDING AND SKULLFUCKED EVERYONE. BILLY WAS STRUCK IN THE HEAD BY FLYING LUGGAGE.
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| {{quote|"ALL OF A SUDDEN AS WE HIT YOU KNOW IT WAS JUST THE HARDEST HIT, ALL THE THINGS FROM THE CEILING STARTED DROPPING. IT HIT ME ON THE HEAD, BUT I GOT A HARD HEAD."|BILLY MAYS}}
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| LATER THAT EVENING, HE WAS SEEN FUNCTIONING WELL, EVEN DISCUSSING THE LATEST SELL-A-THON AGAINST THAT [[Shamwow|GERMAN NANCY]] WITH HIS FATHER-IN-LAW AND SNORTING BLOW OFF OF TOP OF A BOTTLE OF ORANGE-GLO. ULTIMATELY, LATER THAT NIGHT, BILLY MAYS SUCCUMBED TO THE VOID. IN THE MORNING, HE WAS [[an hero|FOUND DEAD]], WITH HIS TONGUE HANGING OUT, AND A NOTE IN HIS HAND SAYING "BILLY MAYS HERE. [[Michael Jackson|NIGGA]] STOLE MY ATTENTION!!!!!!!".
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| <center>'''THE LAST WORDS OF A NATIONAL TREASURE.'''</center>
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| <center><youtube>QJ0HZk-YBOU</youtube></center>
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| <div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[File:Billy-Mays-Fixed.png|220px|link=]] </div>
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| | |
| =='''BILLY MAYS DAY'''==
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| <div style="text-transform: uppercase;">
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| [[Image:Billy_Mays_Two_Thumbs_up_2009.jpg|frame|right|Billy Mays - Goodnight Sweet Prince]]
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| Founded on the day of his death, '''June 28th 2009''',
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| [[Billy Mays]] day has quickly grown to a worldwide phenomenon celebrating the life of the TV pitchman star.
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| Annually, to show respect for the greatest infomercial personality of all time, internet followers celebrate this day by typing completely in [[ALL CAPS|capital letters]] all day, emulating the [[cruise control|booming voice]] of the beloved pitchman. It is also celebrated and recognized internationally by some on the 4th of July every year since 2009.
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| ===/b/illy===
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| In honor of the first MAYSDAY, celebrated on Monday, June 29th 2009, Moot changed the name of /b/ to "/b/ILLY MAYS". There was much rejoicing. Yes there was.... | |
| | |
| ===Community's Response===
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| The most talked about topic on the whole of Twitter on this day led to the creation of the [http://twitter.com/AllCapsForBilly "ALLCAPSFORBILLY Group"], spreading the word about Billy Mays Day. Popstar/[[pedophile]] [[Michael Jackson]]'s passing was fortunately overshadowed by the death of the world's most famous and adored TV pitchman only 3 days after the same thing at the same age of death.
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| ===RULES ABOUT MAYS===
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| DUE TO HIS MANY CONTRIBUTIONS IN THE FIELD OF LULZ, BILLY IS OFTEN QUOTED ON THE INTERNET. HOWEVER, THERE ARE RULES:
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| *NO COCAINE MENTIONS. THERE ARE BETTER PEOPLE FOR THAT, SUCH AS DR. ROCKSO, OR AMY WINEHOUSE. MAYS WAS NOT LULZY BECAUSE OF COCAINE.
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| *ALL THREAD TITLES, BLOG HEADERS, FARK HEADLINES, OR SHOOPS MENTIONING OR RELATING TO MAYS MUST BE IN ALL CAPS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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| *ALL REPLIES TO MAYS THREADS MUST BE TYPED IN ALL CAPS.
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| *FOR BOUNS POINTS AND EXTRA CONFORMITY WITH THESE RULES, DO NOT ALLOW ANY LOWERCASE TEXT TO BE FOUND ANYWHERE IN YOUR POST. FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOUR POST HAS A PICTURE IN IT, AND THAT PICTURE CONTAINS TEXT THAT IS IN LOWER CASE, SHOOP IT SO THAT THE TEXT IS IN ALL CAPS.
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| *EVEN IF THE THREAD ITSELF DOES NOT PERTAIN TO MAYS, ANY POSTS MADE IN NON-RELATED MAYS THREADS THAT MAKE REFERENCES TO MAYS IN THE POST ITSELF MUST BE TYPED IN CAPS. FURTHERMORE, ANY POSTS REPLYING TO THAT POST MUST AGAIN BE IN ALL CAPS.
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| *FAILURE TO DO SO IS PUNISHED BY CURBSTOMPING, SO THAT YOUR WHORE MOUTH REMAINS SHUT WHILE BILLY MAYS IS TALKING.
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| ===Sainthood===
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| [[Image:Billy Mays Sainthood.jpg|thumb|left|The Glorious Thread]]
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| On the night of August the 5th a post was started by a /b/tard to honor dear Billy by moving him into the official rank of Patron Saint of Holy Relics and Amazing Offers. He was honored and all was good. Much cocaine was snorted, and many [[HNG|heart attacks]] were to be had.
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| <br>
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| [[Image:Billy_tribute.png|800px|center]]
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| {{clear}}
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| ===Other Theories===
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| Others postulate that, rather than simply dying, Billy Mays ascended to Godhood among the other 4 Chaos Gods. He is now the God of Salesmen.
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| He sold stress balls to Khorne.
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| He sold skin conditioner to Nurgle.
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| He sold Enzyte to Slaanesh.
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| He sold a Magic 8-Ball to Tzeentch.
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| In the Name of Mays, go forth and sell bargain-priced stuff! AND DO IT WITH STYLE!
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| ===Tributes===
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| [[Image:Mays or Jackson Dragon Balls.jpg|thumb|[[Dragon Ball|Billy! OH GOD, BRING BILLY BACK! *cry cry cry*.]]]]
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| [[image:Papa-Johns.jpg|thumb|Oh hai. I'm next.]]
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| [[image:Vince_did_billy_mays.jpg|thumb|[[Vince]] did Billy Mays.]]
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| [[Image:Moot_billy_mays.png|thumb|DO IT, [[moot|FAGGOT]].]]
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| | |
| {{fv|tributevids1|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
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| |<youtube>5vbYFXITWfc</youtube>
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| |<youtube>U1E7Qrsyt1A</youtube>
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| |<youtube>ZqORu8D8gs4</youtube>
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| |<youtube>PhqPe6rWol0</youtube>
| |
| |<youtube>--W15tqiLpU</youtube>
| |
| |<youtube>xIOndFPIGaI</youtube>
| |
| |<youtube>8misiuIbF7A</youtube>
| |
| |<youtube>hxjup6PCA1w</youtube>
| |
| |<youtube>dtuA7-qaY9M</youtube>
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| |<youtube>QIRZRVVnnYs</youtube>}}
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| | |
| {{fv|tributevids2|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
| |
| |<youtube>zhZNMbwsKaM</youtube>
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| |<youtube>lJTi06anElo</youtube>
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| |<youtube>zhZNMbwsKaM</youtube>
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| |<youtube>lJTi06anElo</youtube>}}
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| ===Links===
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| *[http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/28/billy-mays-is-dead/ TMZ]
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| *[http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/article1014018.ece Tampa Bay News]
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| *[http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31596003/ns/us_news-life/ MSNBC News]
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| *[http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,529328,00.html Faux News]
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| *[http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_OBIT_BILLY_MAYS?SITE=FLTAM&SECTION=US Random Site News]
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| *[http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=100757607611 "OFFICIAL MEMORIAL GROUP"]
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| *[http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=96855812604 "OFFICIAL ALL CAPS FACEBOOK GROUP"]
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| *[http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=101486441882 "A MOMENT OF LOUDNESS FACEBOOK GROUP"]
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| </div>
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| | |
| ==Gallery==
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| | |
| {{cg|Maysium Emporium|MaysGallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:Billy Mays Here!.jpg|BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE GROOM STONE RIP AND COMB YOUR HAIR
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| Image:Billy.png|[[Oh exploitable]]!
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| Image:BILLY_MAYS_DAY.JPG|MOURN CORRECTLY
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| Image:Oxi-coke.jpg|How the fuck else did you think he did it?
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| Image:Billymayshere_resizeupload.jpg|BILLY MAYS HERE TO TAKE YOU ON A MAGICAL ADVENTURE
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| </gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
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| Image:BILLY MAYS HERE.jpg|BILLY MAYS HERE FOR OH FUCK!
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| Image:Billy mays is not amused.JPG|Billy Mays is not amused with your [[gay|faggotry]].
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| Image:Billy Mays MS Paint.jpg|All done on paint, took fucking hours [[shit|but the result shows what you can achieve with hard work]].
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| Image:Billy Mays Approved.jpg|This article is Billy Mays approved.
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| Image:Billy_mays_gun.jpg|If you don't buy his shit, he'll blast your nuts off!
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| Image:VINCE & BILLY.jpg|But Billy was no match for [[Shamwow|Vince]].
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| Image:Billymayscollage.jpg
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| Image:BillyMaysLikes.jpg|Billy Mays approves beating up the [[Vince]].
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| Image:Billy Mays Pimpin.jpg|Billy Mays gets all the [[Whores|ladies]].
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| Image:Al Tool Time.jpg|Billy Mays should not be confused with Al Borland, of ''Tool Time'' fame.
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| Image:RIP billy mays.jpg|He was an legend.
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| Image:BillyMays exorcist.gif|He couldn't handle the fucking power of Oxi-Clean.
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| Image:Billymays1.png|[[Oh exploitable]]. "With Confidence."
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| Image:Billy Mays Death of a Salesman.jpg|Took about 10 minutes, 5 in [[MS Paint]]. This is what the book should really be about.
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| Image:Bill mays wtf.jpg|[[fanboi]]
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| Image:BDK_Oxiclean.JPG|Bitches donno I look like [[Pedobear]] either!
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| Image:Billy Mays Shut Your Whore Mouth.jpg|You'd better listen to him.
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| Image:dingkingyourass.jpg|Don't think he won't!
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| Image:AwesomeBilly.jpg|BUY IT NAO CUZ ITS OMFG [[Awesome|AWESOME]]
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| Image:Billy Mays underage girls.jpg|<s>Only one thumb up?</s> The other is currently brown.
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| Image:Billy mays family.png|Billy Mays, pictured here with his family.
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| Image:Billy Mays WP.jpg|Now your desktop will never be dirty with the stain fighting power of an Oxi-Clean [[wallpaper]].
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| Image:Oxycleancopy.jpg|Awesome Beards [[FTW]]!!!
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| Image:Bilyandvince.jpg|Billy Mays fucked Vince's world.
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| Image:Billy Mays comedian.jpg|[[Watchmen|One of us died tonight]]
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| Image:Billy Mays Last Words.jpg|His finest hour.
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| Image:Rebuildbilly.png|Or we could try a more natural solution...
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| Image:ZbillyKONKED.jpg |That bat was made in germany, you know the germans make good stuff.
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| Image:Maysanon.png|Anonymous love billy
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| Image:Billymayscapslock.jpg|A FINE TRIBUTE TO A GREAT MAN.
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| Image:Mays_cube.jpg|Build your own Billy Mays tribute cube
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| Image:Oxi-coke.jpg|How else did you think he did it?
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| Image:Rocksomays.JPG|AHAH!
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| Image:Billymays southpark.jpg
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| File:Billy Mays in heaven.jpg
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| Image:Billy Mays Once Sold....jpg|Billy Mays once sold this thread to ED
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| File:Billy-mays-rifle.jpg|HE LIVES
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| File:Billy-Mays-Jew-Repellant.png
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| File:Billy_Mays_encourages_buttsex.png
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| File:Billy_mays_gun1.jpg
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| File:Billy_mays_tombstone.jpg
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| File:Billy-mays-I-DO-COCAINE.png
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| File:Billymays.jpg
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| File:YOU_SHUT_YOUR_WHORE_MOUTH_WHEN_BILLY_MAYS_IS_TALKING.jpg
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| </gallery>}}
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| | |
| ==See Also==
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| | |
| [[Image:Billy mays moot.jpg|thumb|[[For great justice]].]]
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| * [[ALL CAPS]]
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| * [[Cillit Bang]]
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| * [[Copypasta]]
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| * [[Chris-chan#CWCVille|CWCVille]] - Billy Mays was mayor of this fine city for a time, before he was deposed by [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
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| * [[EXTREME ADVERTISING]]
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| * [[EXTREME ANIMALS]]
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| * [[Font size=5]]
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| * [[George Zimmer]]
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| * [[Shamwow]]
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| * [[Wise Beard Man]]
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| | |
| ==External Links==
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| | |
| {{chanarchive|b/490/oxi-clean|Billy Mays vs. George Zimmer|align=right}}
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| * [http://rapidshare.com/files/122688132/billy.rar <s>Billy Mays Picture Pack on rapidshit</s>] - <s>Use to spam copypasta.</s> BALEETED!
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| * [http://billymaysfordays.ytmnd.com/ Billy Mays] on [[YTMND]]
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| * [http://www.formspring.me/BillyMays HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH FORMSPRING]
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| * [http://www.atmospheric-violence.com/mays/ Billy Mays Insane Tribute Site]
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| * [http://www.7chan.org/fl/src/cilit%20bang.swf <s>Britfag-Gay version of Mays] on [[7chan]]</S> - BALEETED!
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| * [http://ohsnapitsbillymays.blogspot.com/ Billy Mays tribute page on blogspot] - Lots of delicious copypasta
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| * [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/20/billy-mays-commercial-sup_n_120019.html/ His own TV show] - Prepare to have your ears bleed.
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| ===Actual Infomercials===
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| <span class="co;[Collapse];[Expand];0;infomercials"></span>
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| <div class="infomercials">
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| *{{youtube|ICvbF1uZm-I|Awesome Auger}}
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| *{{youtube|9KBXcpJfmj4|Big City Slider}}
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| *{{youtube|0JGXbIfeuRY|Ding King}}
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| *{{youtube|sF-IWJEQuEQ|Hercules Hooks}}
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| *{{youtube|c7d85T4OfqA|iCan Health Insurance}}
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| *{{youtube|-dvzgLXa-dI|KABOOM!}}
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| *{{youtube|LyTEKhkB8OM|Mighty Mendit}}
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| *{{youtube|nkuReA-AGa8|Mighty Putty}}
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| *{{youtube|A2HTgXjH3SA|Orange Glo}}
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| *{{youtube|s3KEkBqDahg|Oxi Clean detergent}}
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| *{{youtube|xPh-qgW8L4w|Samurai Shark}}
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| *{{youtube|N1cguF85vqk|Sandstrom OnTV}} - an actual store to buy all the shit he tries to sell on TV
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| *{{youtube|oFpIQPxxaGA|Steam Buddy}}
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| *{{youtube|l25oCWDHnQI|Zorbeez}}
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| </div>
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| | |
| ===User-made Videos===
| |
| <span class="co;[Collapse];[Expand];0;usermade"></span>
| |
| <div class="usermade">
| |
| *{{youtube|D3DVGsZmLRs|Billy Mays in slow-motion}}
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| *{{youtube|pQ0GpJ48Nzc|Fact About Billy Mays}}
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| *{{youtube|JGCkh_rYdYU|"Wonder Bulge"}} - A surprisingly well-done parody
| |
| *{{youtube|ZrnVNZpnvRI|Billy Mays blooper reel}}
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| *{{youtube|ifgggspJ7jM|Billy Mays attacks Garry's Mod}}
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| *{{youtube|r_4a4O7kXQo|Mighty Putty dub}}
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| *{{youtube|qNrO-FAHcdI|Neverscrub dub}}
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| *{{youtube|9Rd3Wx5EyFw|Zorbeez dub}}
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| *{{youtube|FY0tTewZYmY|Billy Mays' blue balls}}
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| *{{youtube|6RMHq6a8fzg|Billy Mays' Big Piece Of Shit Slider Station}}
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| *{{youtube|s-VrXmUmf8o|Billy Mays flips out}}
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| </div>
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| {{memes}}
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| {{Television}}
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| {{Business}}
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| {{timeline|Featured article June 23, [[2008]]|[[Pedofox]]|[[Billy Mays]]|[[Rangerphile]]}}
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| [[Category:2009]]
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| [[Category:People|Mays, Billy]]
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