Aleksandr Pistoletov

Pants optional for pirates.

Aleksandr Pistoletov aka "Alexander Pistols" aka "Dongcopter Pirate" is a Russian singer/pornstar who mesmerized the internet last Thursday, by swinging his dick to shitty techno and corny pirate movies, and being stickied on /b/ in fall of 2012. Unfortunately, YouTube finally noticed that a video showing cock uploaded in March 2012 was probably against their Terms of Service and deleted it. But, there's a lot more where that came from.

Facts

Pistoletov, or Александр Пистолетов if you're one of those people, is a minor (thrice deleted bio at Russian Wikipedia) techno "artist" who has a thing for dick-swinging on stage. Watching is considered not gay, since he brings naked girls on stage to dance with during these shows. Pistoletov's mastery of cinema is not limited to dancing and waving his cock in front of a video screen. In this video at RedTube, Pistoletov shows his promise as a hardcore porn star.

Cirno's Perfect Math Class ENGLISH SUB

Ahoy есть мат!

Bigger than Woodstock.

Original

Note: TO HELL WITH JEWTUBE!! NOW ON VIMEO: vimeo.com/51852064

After nearly a million views, YouTube deleted the video because it's a guy swinging his dick. In a glorious turn of events, YouTube restored the video, for the lulz. The video had over two million views, because it's a guy swinging his dick, proving once again, the internet makes you gay. The video was taken down for good, but mirrors exist, and you can just google it to find them.

Despite the efforts of whoever mirrored the video, some do not care for our heroic pirate's presence on YouTube, and will report the video. These people are enemies of the lulz and should be ignored.

Translation

	“	Continuation of adventures Of the battles between yachts All began day after the storm, That is how I met my frigate. Let the guests of the sea Know the might of the pirate That which rules the entire sea, Such pirate is a true pirate. Banging cannons, whistling case-shot Battle suddenly begins. Sound of metal, bullets and swords, This is how a deathly battle goes. Two frigates met In a blueish hell of sea. Our pirate ship Became your trouble. Our Pirate ship Became your trouble, your trouble Chorus: Not Somalian And not Caribbean I am a Russian new pirate. And not Brazilian, And not Indian, I am a Russian new pirate. Yes that's who I am, I am a new pirate. It appeared to us from the sea Suddenly, a sea monster, To our ship it gripped A giant octopus. It threw everyone off board And sawed off our anchor So the frigate fell apart And sank all the way to the bottom. But our crew was alright, And got to a nearby island Where they built a new ship, Much stronger and faster. And so we set out to sea And found that octopus Shot him up with our cannons, Till there was nothing left but bones. On the internet, quite like the sea, We are rocked, and we rock [rock = load, "we get rocked by waves, we rock the waves" which has the double meaning of "they download us, we download too", an allusion to computer piracy] And download our rights To ships without decks. If you write something, Or if you invent something, Hold on in your hands, Your copyrights. Copyright suffocates Like tentacles of the octopus, Call a violator a pirate, Like at the sea. Pirates like citizens Have their own laws, No one will like Punishments as well.	„
	— Pastebin and Pastebin 2

Russian Lyrics

Hot Russian is hot

	“	Prodolzheniye priklyucheniy mezhduyakhtovykh srazheniy, nachalos' v den' posle buri, Tak ya vstretil svoy fregat. Pust' uznayut gosti morya vso vladychestvo pirata, Kto vladeyet vsem morem, nastoyashchiy tot pirat. Grokhot pushek, svist kortechi, Nachat boy vnezapnoy vstrechey. Zvon metalla pul' i sabley, Tak idet smertel'nyy boy. Povstrechalis' dva fregata v sineve morskogo ada. N ash piratskiy korabl' obernulsya vam bedoy. Nash piratskiy korabl' obernulsya vam bedoy, vam bedoy. Ne samaliyskiy, I ne karibskiy, A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat. I ne brazil'skiy, I ne indiyskiy, A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat. Poyavilos' k nam iz morya Vdrug chudovishche morskoye, Za korabl' nash vtsepilsya Vdrug gigantskiy os'minog. On vykidyval vsekh za bort I pilil vsyu nashu yakhtu. Tak fregat razvalilsya I ushel sovsem na dno. No komanda utselela, dobralas' na mestnyy ostrov, gde postroila korabl', po-prochneye i moshchney. I otpravilis' my v more I nashli my os'minoga. Rasstrelyali iz pushek do samikh yego moshchey. Ne samaliyskiy, I ne karibskiy, A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat. I ne brazil'skiy, I ne indiyskiy, A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat. Da, ya takoy novyy pirat. V internete, kak na more, Nas kachayut, my kachayem. I prava svoi kachayem Na bespalubnykh sudakh. Yesli chto-to sochinil ty ili chto-to ty pridumal, Svoye avtorskoye pravo, Derzhish' ty v svoikh rukakh. Slovno nogi os'minoga Dushit avtorskoye pravo, Nazyvaya, kak na more, Narushitelya - pirat. U piratov kak u grazhdan Tozhe yest' svoi zakony, Nakazaniyu takzhe nikto budet i ne rad. Ne samaliyskiy, I ne karibskiy, A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat. I ne brazil'skiy, I ne indiyskiy, A ya rossiyskiy novyy pirat.	„
	— Alexander Pistoletov

Other Videos

Far from being a one note guy, our hero has other videos on YouTube and other video outlets. In these, our hero displays his dick swinging skillz by swinging his dick to such things as the Mortal Kombat movie and theme song, the Russian Revolution, and so on. As with the video above, mirrors appear whenever the uncensored versions are removed, and you can just google it to find them. In the meantime, this version where Alex wears what appears to be panty hose on his cock.

Mirrored :) Vid from the 90s Russian Chant Previous Video | Next Video

Mashups/Parodies

• Assassin's Creed 4
• Beat Hazard set to "Brigada"
• Garry's Mod
• "tribute"

See also

• Dongcopter
• In Soviet Russia
• Meatspin
• Nudist
• Pirate
• Tonetta

External Links

• YouTube channel
• VK (Russian Facebook) profile
• aleksandrpistoletov.ru
• Александр Пистолетов at lurkmore.to
• GLADIATOR
• Taking down porn sites for the lulz
• Pistoletov makes an appearance on Russian 4chan equivalent 2ch.hk

	Aleksandr Pistoletov is part of a series on YouTube.
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Featured article October 22 through 24, 2012
Preceded by Grace Saunders	Aleksandr Pistoletov	Succeeded by Margerie Brubaker