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Before [[LiveJournal]] caught ablaze with emo [[aspies]] this man was the single voice of [[RAGE|reason]] regarding all aspects of the human condition, not excluding the internet itself. Amp was truly a one-man Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Before [[LiveJournal]] caught ablaze with emo [[aspies]] this man was the single voice of [[RAGE|reason]] regarding all aspects of the human condition, not excluding the internet itself. Amp was truly a one-man Encyclopedia Dramatica.


{{quote|073005. full of shit.
{{quote|I suppose it started earlier this morning, when I ran out of cigarettes. I don't buy cartons, see. I buy cigarettes by the pack in some contrived effort to force myself to smoke less, and all it really accomplishes is aggrivating me to the point of smoking more by compelling my lazy ass to walk to the goddamn store once a day. Now this is all well and good, and it's something I deal with on my own terms, but today's example was particularly miserable. I'm sure some of you can relate to this: I woke up with no cigarettes, and therefore woke up pissed off.


nah, for real...t's 8 in the morning, on the 31st. I'm full of shit.
okay, so I'm pissed off. The hot sun only serves to exacerbate this predicament. End up leaving the house in a fit of rage, dragging my girl by her hair behind me. It's maybe a ten minute walk to the store, and by the time I'm within sight of the goddamn place, I'm literally on a murderous rampage. I'm not sure how this happened, but it did.


luckily for me, so is the entire rest of the world. Does god tell our good buddy George to light countries up like firecrackers? Fucking doubtful. Is Michael Jackson innocent, white, or heterosexual? I think not. Did I really get a check in the mail today for a million dollars, along with a magic coupon for 12 free CDs and about 80 different credit cards all somehow able to make my life simpler despite the fact that I owe about six THOUSAND dollars? Fuck.
so I see some little girl walking. She looks to be about 13 or 14. Carrying a backpack, staring down at the pavement, completely oblivious to her surroundings. Looks obnoxious as fuck. This chic instantly becomes my target. Our paths intersect by sheer chance as I head in the direction of the convenience store nearby, and she doesn't bat an eyelash. This only angers me further. I reach down by my feet, grab some loose chunk of sidewalk about the size of my fist, and bash this piece of garbage on the side of the face with the force of a fucking hurricane. For no reason, basically. Just smashed her head with some cement. She collapses like magic, without a sound. My girl and I immediately begin carrying her back to my apartment, dragging opposite ends of her body.


but shit like that doesn't really bother me, see, and there's a reason. I'm too goddamn sleep-deprived to even ponder anything more complex than my own hand for longer than five seconds at a time. And why can't I sleep, you ask? Quite simple, really; I'm too drunk.
by the time I get back home, I'm more preoccupied with what the fuck is happening than I am with my cigarette dilemma. I walked the entire distance almost mechanically, as if it weren't even happening. Once I walked in the door and tossed this bitch on the carpet, it really occurred to me: I'd just clubbed a complete stranger and proceeded to abduct her. I might sound nonchalant as I talk about this, but I'm serious. This is not something I do every time I walk to the store. This is not a joke.


apparently this is old as fuck: kate from kate's playground has a hoof?|amp [http://web.archive.org/web/20050801005256/http://amplovesyou.net/]}}
after pacing around in circles for a few minutes, I decide we really need to restrain this girl somehow before she wakes up. I stuff her mouth with one of my socks, and secure it by wrapping some old duct tape over her face. I use my belt to latch her hands together in the best way I can come up with, contorting her into a disgusting pretzel shape. I grab handfuls of her dead weight, tossing her tangled mass into my closet like a fucking bowling ball, then use my girl's hairbands to latch the door handles closed. I'm beginning to feel a lot like MacGyver at this point. Perhaps a mix of MacGyver and God, after having created the universe. I sprawl out against the wall to appreciate my handiwork, and then it occurs to me: I still don't have any cigarettes.
<center>
<gallery>
File:Kate_hoof1.jpg
File:Kate_hoof2.jpg
File:Kate_hoof3.jpg
</gallery>
</center>


so this is my problem atm. I've got some little ass girl in my closet, and I need to go to the store. She's awake now. I'm blasting Slim Shady at full volume. This bitch is freaking the fuck out like Rubber Johnny. I half expect to see some shit like this next time I open the door. Girl is going nuts. I'm not sure how much longer these hairbands will hold. All I know is I need a cigarette to help me deal with all of this.|amp [http://web.archive.org/web/20050801005256/http://amplovesyou.net/]}}


His posts got real bloggy but take our word for it Amp's older content was the stuff of bookmarks. Darn shoulda been there.
 
Amp is the only person, ever, who would write a story about killing someone, say it was true, and keep saying it was true after the cops came just to bum a cigarette smuggled in someone else's asshole when he got to jail.


== Forums ==
== Forums ==

Revision as of 07:55, 22 May 2011

suspended.htaccess

Before Eric Bauman was stealing shit from Something Awful, before emo camwhores were dumping their saggy tits all over Suicide Girls, before 4chan and 9/11, in a simpler time when goatse and tubgirl were still relevant, one man was there to deliver lulz and porn to you, the internet surfers, in a way that no one else could or would from then until present day.

The Encyclopedia Dramatica Historical Society fondly looks back to bring you this account naming one of the only sites worth visiting before the turn of the century and the man in charge of it all. This article is about Amp of Amp Loves You dot net.


SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PAY ATTENTION


Amp Loves You

Amp was the original distributor of the funnelgirl video. Some Argue the site was the number one source of shock images and video on the internet, which to this day echo throughout forums and chans, like a ghost in the machine with dicks for eyes, vomiting shit onto a cake. Amp had taste.

Use scrollbar to see the full image

balls enormous



Blogs

Before LiveJournal caught ablaze with emo aspies this man was the single voice of reason regarding all aspects of the human condition, not excluding the internet itself. Amp was truly a one-man Encyclopedia Dramatica.

   
“ 		 
I suppose it started earlier this morning, when I ran out of cigarettes. I don't buy cartons, see. I buy cigarettes by the pack in some contrived effort to force myself to smoke less, and all it really accomplishes is aggrivating me to the point of smoking more by compelling my lazy ass to walk to the goddamn store once a day. Now this is all well and good, and it's something I deal with on my own terms, but today's example was particularly miserable. I'm sure some of you can relate to this: I woke up with no cigarettes, and therefore woke up pissed off.

okay, so I'm pissed off. The hot sun only serves to exacerbate this predicament. End up leaving the house in a fit of rage, dragging my girl by her hair behind me. It's maybe a ten minute walk to the store, and by the time I'm within sight of the goddamn place, I'm literally on a murderous rampage. I'm not sure how this happened, but it did.

so I see some little girl walking. She looks to be about 13 or 14. Carrying a backpack, staring down at the pavement, completely oblivious to her surroundings. Looks obnoxious as fuck. This chic instantly becomes my target. Our paths intersect by sheer chance as I head in the direction of the convenience store nearby, and she doesn't bat an eyelash. This only angers me further. I reach down by my feet, grab some loose chunk of sidewalk about the size of my fist, and bash this piece of garbage on the side of the face with the force of a fucking hurricane. For no reason, basically. Just smashed her head with some cement. She collapses like magic, without a sound. My girl and I immediately begin carrying her back to my apartment, dragging opposite ends of her body.

by the time I get back home, I'm more preoccupied with what the fuck is happening than I am with my cigarette dilemma. I walked the entire distance almost mechanically, as if it weren't even happening. Once I walked in the door and tossed this bitch on the carpet, it really occurred to me: I'd just clubbed a complete stranger and proceeded to abduct her. I might sound nonchalant as I talk about this, but I'm serious. This is not something I do every time I walk to the store. This is not a joke.

after pacing around in circles for a few minutes, I decide we really need to restrain this girl somehow before she wakes up. I stuff her mouth with one of my socks, and secure it by wrapping some old duct tape over her face. I use my belt to latch her hands together in the best way I can come up with, contorting her into a disgusting pretzel shape. I grab handfuls of her dead weight, tossing her tangled mass into my closet like a fucking bowling ball, then use my girl's hairbands to latch the door handles closed. I'm beginning to feel a lot like MacGyver at this point. Perhaps a mix of MacGyver and God, after having created the universe. I sprawl out against the wall to appreciate my handiwork, and then it occurs to me: I still don't have any cigarettes.

so this is my problem atm. I've got some little ass girl in my closet, and I need to go to the store. She's awake now. I'm blasting Slim Shady at full volume. This bitch is freaking the fuck out like Rubber Johnny. I half expect to see some shit like this next time I open the door. Girl is going nuts. I'm not sure how much longer these hairbands will hold. All I know is I need a cigarette to help me deal with all of this.
 

„
  		 

—amp [1]


Amp is the only person, ever, who would write a story about killing someone, say it was true, and keep saying it was true after the cops came just to bum a cigarette smuggled in someone else's asshole when he got to jail.

Forums

Amp had forums. Nobody knows what happened to them.

What happen

His hosting provider dumped him. Then he vanished. There is also no record of his shit prior to 2005.

Amp's Links

External Links

This article is a stub. You can help by killing yourself.

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