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OSHI-- This is actually a female chimpanzee to man.

FTM is an acronym for "female to male," the rarer and superior type of transsexualism. Unlike their MTF counterparts who want to be women, a woman becoming a man is a logical step toward self improvement—its common knowledge that men are just plain better than women.

While shemales lower themselves to the level of a female and are thus reprimanded for it with severe beatings, no one gives a shit about FTMs. This is because everyone secretly agrees with what the FTMs have done. It is common knowledge that every powerful woman is a secret lesbian; but it is not as widely known that they are also secretly FTM. The fact is that on the rare occasion when a woman has a logical thought, that thought is always immediately followed by: “I wish I were born a man”. That is why the most intelligent women, who are still not as smart as the stupidest of men, make the obvious choice to become male as an attempt to better themselves—something they can nevar achieve.

FTM Invisibility

Unlike MTFs, FTMs can pass quite easily as male without surgery and therefore aren’t noticed in public. There are about 3x more MTFs than FTMs, and they are much more common than most people think they are. However, you are much more likely to notice a 6’0” man in drag than a 5’4” man who looks nothing like a woman.

The reason FTMs pass so well and MTFs don't is because the effects of testosterone are irreversible. Once a man hits puberty he will look like a man forever unless he has major cosmetic surgery; this is why just about the only MTFs who pass are the ones who blocked their puberty as 13 year old boys.

Y Hallo Thur Sexy, OMG YOU R A GURL!

It is not uncommon for FTM transsexuals to be better and more attractive than actual men through bodybuilding and life in general. The reason FTMs are athletic overachievers is often attributed to short man syndrome, but the more likely cause is “not having a penis syndrome”. Due to this complete failure at manhood and total lack of man points, FTMs have a great need to compensate and work harder than normal men as they are freaks who nobody loves.

It is also possible that FTMs are better than real men due to being complete metrosexuals—or, as most would put it, fags. It is common for FTMs to be wussy faggots who cry and express their feelings (due to being women), something that other women find great until they discover their new boyfriend has a mangina.

Variations

Drag kings are a retarded variation of FTM who attempt to crossdress despite the fact that it is perfectly acceptable for women to wear men's clothing. The only real way to shock people enough to believe they are liek so totally rebellious is by doing something outrageously fucktarded—such as drawing beards on their faces with permanent marker. These people are disgraces to FTMs and bring them down to the level of shemales. They should be shot on sight.

Testosterone

Due to the effectiveness of testosterone at making FTMs appear male, many of them do not want any surgery at all. Testosterone injections, which are usually taken in 200-mg doses fortnightly, make a woman look completely male usually within six months. It is popular opinion that FTMs have to manually speak lower, paint on a beard, etc., but that is completely untrue; when an FTM starts hormone treatment they go through all the same changes as a 13 year old boy does during puberty.

Also, and disturbingly, testosterone causes the clitoris to enlarge to the size of a small penis, which is why a mangina is different to a vagina. This is part of the reason why feminists believe the clitoris is the female version of the cock, because they can turn it into one if they want to—which they would do, of course, due to their terrible penis envy. This can also happen to female bodybuilders who abuse steroids; see Chyna's girl penis.

Surgery

About 14 minutes into Michael Moore's movie Sicko, he gives a list of things that make you ineligible for private, non-job related health insurance. Three of those were Asperger's syndrome, autism, and gender identity disorder. So, don't go out of your way to get diagnosed with any of those if you're too lazy to get a job and you want to get private insurance from some American company who specializes in gutting their customers.

Surgery for FTMs is generally a fat sack of crap as it is much more difficult to build something than cut it off with a hack saw, or "easier to dig a hole than build a pole." Though most get some form of surgery some do not get any at all as they don't need it to look male (e.g. Barbara Bush).

Boobs

Unless they were already flat before changing sex, most FTMs will have surgery to take off their tits. This can be done either by a mastectomy, for those with regular or large sized tits; or keyhole surgery, for those with small tits; or liposuction, for those with barely visible tits.

A mastectomy leaves two HUEG scars underneath where the breasts were. This surgery is dangerous and can often lead to bleeding and possible death if not taken to hospital in time (LOL).

Keyhole surgery is just a tiny incision made to take out the small amount of breast tissue, and leaves little scarring.

Liposuction just removes some fat from the chest and sculpts it to look more male. If you don’t already know what liposuction is then you’re retarded.

Occasionally the aureole needs to be re-sized, leaving small scars around that. Also a lulzy side effect can occur if the nipple gets infected and it may have to be removed. That’s the price you pay for having man boobs.

Uterus

Most FTMs have a hysterectomy even if they don’t intend to have a fake penis installed on their crotch. This is because the hormones completely fuck up the uterus (due to not belonging there) and can cause cancer. At least 100 doctors in the past have refused to treat FTMs for cancer as some argue they deserve to die. Also many lulz can be had trying to find a doctor willing to perform this operation due to transphobia/homophobia; the whole situation is IRL trolling gold.

Penis

Due to being invisible and the world not needing any more cock, surgeons have completely forgotten to invent a decent FTM dong. This has resulted in the two retarded shit surgeries known as metoidplasty and phalloplasty—which each cost about $50,000.

Metiodplasty is the most popular surgery and works with what nature has already done. (That’s if you think nature made you have testosterone injections and grow your clitoris to the size of a penis.) They basically flip over the end to create a foreskin and install a ball sack to make it look more like a cock and less like a girl penis. This cock will be small and red but there are some actual men with smaller cocks. It is still able to achieve erection since a clit is similar to a penis anyway.

Phalloplasty is a less popular surgery due to the operation leaving you with a HUEG scar on your forearm where they remove a large amount of flesh. While this surgery leaves you with a massive hammer, this hammer looks an awful lot like a mangled sausage.

Identifying a FTM

Though it is impossible to tell with the untrained eye, there are a number of ways to establish whether a man is FTM or not. Although these pointers may help they are DEFINITELY not a guaranteed way to know, though if there are a few they may add up.

Short – Due to women generally being shorter than men FTMs are usually vertically challenged. However, cisgendered men are sometimes short and women are sometimes tall.
Weird eyes – Men usually have deep set eyes, meaning that FTMs often do not. They also often have long eyelashes which is typically female and can cause FTMs to look really gay. However, this can happen to cisgendered men and means nothing on its own; one example is George Michael.
Mastectomy scars - A mastectomy scar would leave a large half moon shaped scar under the pecs. Also in rare cases if there was an infection there may be a missing nipple. Cisgendered men sometimes get mastectomies if they have gynecomastia (man boobs), so this is not a sure indication—but it’s a very good hint.
Phalloplasty Scars – Apart from leaving the victim with a sausage-like penis, phalloplasty also leaves a large (often purple) scar on the forearm of the victim due to having most of the skin removed from it and made into an ugly fake penis. This can also be explained by some kind of horrible accident where the penis is ripped off and has to be replaced, but that's seriously unlikely. Given that not many FTMs opt for this, if a suspect guy refuses to let you see/touch his penis he is most likely FTM.
Faggotry – FTMs are very often complete fags due to previously being encouraged to act as feminine as they possibly could. This results in a man who usually acts like your garden variety breeder but occasionally does extremely faggy things for no apparent reason. This can of course be explained by retardedness and means nothing alone.

ED Offends LJ FTMs

Last Thursday, a bunch of formerly female emo fags were offended by this article. Most of them actually found it "OHHHH HAHAHAH SO FUNNY. TOTALLY AN INSIDE JOB" as it is widely known that gays are always funny. This only enraged the butthurt freedom hating trannies more, but nobody likes an unfunny queer, what else are the gays good for but laughing at?

HEY LOOKIN GOOD DUDE

Lando

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