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Bowchan: Difference between revisions

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Protected "Bowchan": looks like vandalism to me ([edit=autoconfirmed] (indefinite) [move=autoconfirmed] (indefinite))
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Revision as of 03:18, 1 June 2011

Snowball aka Bowchan aka Emerwen aka Jennifer Anne

Jennifer is a 23 year-old cam-whore from the UK that believes she's super cool and geeky. She suffers with crippling Anxiety Disorder. You can commonly see her posing with handfuls of toys that her fat, obese husband collects. She's plain as sin, and has spent the last 5 years of her life trying to be cool on the internet. In reality, she's vapid and has no real personality of her own.

Beginnings

Her internet career began in 2004, where she was a relatively common girl- posting on the forums of the popular habbo-style Endless Online game. After becoming jealous of other female members of the forum, and having no personality whatsoever, she began to adopt the traits of others with more colourful interests. It began with Transformers, and she quickly developed into a self-proclamed 'geek'. Not happy with this contrived personality transformation, her posting style, language and disposition soon mirrored that of the more intelligent users on the forum.

An attention whore is born.

Nudes

After separating with her IRL boyfriend, Danny Asling, she quickly became a shut-in and ended up living her entire life on the internet. It was then that most of her nudes surfaced. Feeling insecure, dejected and still having no personality of her own, It was around 2008 when her first nudes surfaced (including a video of her flopping around seductively in the bath), and since then there's been a steady stream of her in various erotic poses. We've been treated to seeing her shove various object up her ass, seeing her smear her own shit on her husband's face, and getting jizzed on whilst sleeping. However, the best thing about Jennifer's nudes is seeing her try to maintain her GEEKYNESS throughout. There are literally thousands of pictures of her vagina spread across the internet, and unfortunately this lead to her having to flee England.

If her nudes ever get re-circulated, she throws a tantrum and insists they're under age in order to get them removed. Seeing as she's 23 and her first nudes are time-stamped 2008, we know better. Nice try, whore.

"Husband"

Jennifer first met her Husband, Ryan, on Yahoo Live. She saw a fat, lonely NEET and saw her chance to escape the UK. After seducing him with her super-sexy webcam shows, she flew out to the U.S and has lived there ever since. Her severe Anxiety disorder means she's un-able to work, so her husband has to work hard in order to pay for all the retarded action-figures that she NEEDS to pose with on her internet forums. Ryan is disgustingly overweight. Jennifer insists that she's attracted to "fat men", as if she's doing some amazing favour to the male population. In reality, ugly, fat men are the only males in her league, and probably the only type of men who'd put up with her shit. She married him in order to stay in the U.S, and has regretted it ever since.

Internet Detective

Jennifers "thing" is preying on girls who she finds to be more interesting then herself. They must be destroyed. Every female she comes across, she will do anything in her power to 'dig up dirt' on them. Some might call it an obsession, and she spends all day searching the internet for unflattering pictures of her internet nemesis's. Bizarre fan-fictions have surfaced that she's written about other girls that she wishes to be. She has recently confirmed that "she's grown up", and doesn't want to cause any more drama on the internet, but it's only a matter of time until her insecurities kick-in again.

Auto-biography

My name is Jennifer. Since the age of nine I started growing vegetables in a private plot down the end of my garden. I found this much more preferable to flowers, which are essentially tarts and prostitutes for the bees. The carrot has mystery. There's something very special about a firm, young carrot. When I was 15 I had already been divorced twice, given up smack, taken it up again, given it up again, taken giving it up again and giving up taking it up again. At 17 I met a carpenter named Norman, and it was with he that I traveled to Budapest and inadvertently decapitated a swan with a tire iron. In my grief I fled to Geneva where I became president of a company that makes small wheels that fit onto children's tricycles. After a scandal that ironically involved a turnip and a horse whisperer named Colin, I felt it was time to return home to my loved ones. From that time until now I have been working on a contraption that extracts milk from trees. I will post updates on this patented invention in the autumn where I should have much more yield


This is something that Jennifer keeps spewing out every chance she gets, in order to make herself seem unique. It's a regurgitated 'Whitetail & I' Quote that she claims to of wrote herself.