Bob Ross

Fast, too.

He'll cut ya.

Bob Ross is was a New Age hippie tree hugger who is was best known for speaking softly, sporting an afro wig made out of his own pubic hair, and painting. At least 100 years ago, Bob hosted a PBS program, "The Joy of Painting," where he would showcase his knack for painting happy little LSD clouds, happy little mushroom mountains, happy little cannabis trees, and guro porn.

In 1995, Ross received his widest exposure when he created what many of his critics claimed to be the greatest painting of all time. This painting would not only be the greatest of his career, but the greatest in the history of the universe. It was, in fact, so realistic in nature that it was more real than reality itself. This painting was said to have bridged the void between the dimensions and, consequently, Bob Ross painted himself into another dimension where he resided until 2001. Despite this, however, Ross has made contact multiple times to this plane of existence. The most popular of which occurred on March 24, 1999 in which Ross described his new home, saying, "Happy trees ain't got shit on this!"

On September 10th, 2001 he made a painting of some happy little planes flying into some big ol' buildings. When the World Trade Center was attacked on September 11th everyone realized that everything Bob painted in his dimension became real. Satan sent out his minions of doom to kidnap Bob so he could paint the arrival of the antichrist. To save the world, Bob killed himself.

Gallery

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  Even more proof that Rule 34 can't be disproven.

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