Cock Block

This article needs moar actual humour. You can help by adding moar actual humour.

Cock block is the act of preventing sexual intercourse. This will either be done by a jealous bitch(usually fat and ugly) who doesn't want their friend to get any, or some faggot who is doing it for the lulz.

History

She'll block your cock.

The first cock block in history belongs to God:

Eve: Fuck me hard under this apple tree!

Adam: *erection lol*

God: HAI GUIZ! WATS GOIN ON?!

-- Genesis 3:2-5

Bitches have been Cock blocking for as long as they've been able to. Some argue that it is a womyn's duty to protect her drunk friend from getting pwnt by frat boys and lounge lizards. In reality, chicks just don't want to wake up next to some fat fuck who lives in his mom's basement and writes unfunny ED articles, so they enlist friends to make sure they only go home with ttly hawt guiz.

Methodology

She's Asking for it.

Hot girl wants to go out for night on the town. Hot girl realizes that she got the clap last time she went to a party. Hot girl needs fat girl who will pull her off of guys' laps and make sure she doesn't swallow any cock. Fat friend agrees because she doesnt want her friend to get any, since fat friend hardly does anyway, and proceeds to interrupt every conversation she has that night with "OMG Caitlyn! DON'T YOU HAVE A BF???"

Meanwhile, Fat Friend ends up fucking some guy whose wingman didn't warn him he was about to take home a hambeast, thus proving that chicks pay more attention, or that guys will fuck anything. (Warning, alchohol will make any beast faced Cock Muncher into a Perfect10' 1!!!!1!!1

Male Cock Blocks

That'll learn her good.

It is also possible for a cock-blocker to be male. This occurs when the person persuing sex's friend just can't get any and becomes jealous. The pathetic loser will then attempt a cock block in order to stop his friend from gettin' sum, so that he and his friend may then go back to his place together and play world of warcraft while talking about that chick they 'almost nailed.' During the act of cock blocking, the candidate will feel like a fucking moron blaming themselves instead of their friend who is actually preventing them from pounding some vag. Could also be a pathetic loser, who walks in on you and asks if you kept the character sheets from your last D&D party.

Additionally it is thought that gay guys are the greatest cock blocker.

How to reverse a Cock Block

It isn't simple to pull a full 360 on a perfected Cock block but here are some Simple way to counter and evade a cock block!

1. Walk away

2. If he/she continues, walk away

3. Sock the fucker in the Face (And if appropriate, yell outloud "I don't want your dick!" To Permanently cock block him for the rest of the month!)

4. Drop the girls dress and continue to induce Secks on spot.

5. Have a friend record and post on teh Internetz!

- ???

- Profit

External Links

• A First Hand Account

Cock Block is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.