Hipcrime

Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.

/!\ WARNING: This page is about a known heterosexual. He will fuck your bitches. /!\

Purpling a pony in 2012.

Hooking up with Jeff Stryker in 1986.

File:AlisonBadmachine.jpg

Hooking up with Alison in 2009.

Badmachine aka Celebratedpooper aka hipcrime was a celebrated TOW editor for a 4-year span beginning in 2008, until of course he was actually noticed by staff and in typical Wiki fashion, they banned the fuck out of him. According to his extinct user page, after much homosexuality in the 80s, his resulting incontinence led to an unknown period of change in the 90s. This eventually caused him to embrace his heterosexuality and grow a beard in the 2000s, and in the 2010s, he has taken to spray-painting ponies.

Personal Life

Background

Badmachine in 2012

Badmachine was born in Columbus, Ohio in the late 1960s. Badmachine's father, who was addicted to heroin, abandoned the family and divorced Badmachine's mother in 1971. Badmachine did well in school, but was bullied because of his effeminate manner and propensity to kiss boys. His mother was supportive of her son, and frequently had interactions with his schools due to their inability to deal with the bullying.

In the late 1970s, at about age 10, it was decided by Franklin County Children's Services that Badmachine required a male influence, and was placed in a program called "One to One", a mentoring program similar to "Big Brothers and Big Sisters". The "mentor" selected for Badmachine was a middle-aged bachelor named [redacted], who worked at [redacted] in Columbus, Ohio.

Early computer experience

Badmachine's experience with computers began in the early 1980s when a sibling upgraded from a VIC-20 to a Commodore 64, and gave Badmachine a Commodore VIC-20 with a 300 baud "Vicmodem". Because [redacted] worked at [redacted], Badmachine had free access to the service, until [redacted] was fired by [redacted] after his arrest for kiddy porn, and child molestation.

After [redacted] was convicted and imprisoned, Badmachine, who lived in poverty at the time, lost his [redacted] access, and for several years, his interest in computers.

Kiddy porn star

When Badmachine was between the ages of about 11 and 14, [redacted] videotaped and photographed himself engaged in sex acts with Badmachine, and sent copies to [redacted] cousin [redacted], in [redacted]. The original videotapes and images were seized by the Franklin County Sheriff, and subsequently used in the prosecution of [redacted].

Age of consent

In 1986, when Badmachine turned 18, the Ohio minimum age for purchasing and consuming alcohol had not yet been changed to age 21, and Badmachine drank heavily, and was arrested for OMVI, public drunkenness, and public urination.

HIV and AIDS

On August 19, 1991, Badmachine was diagnosed HIV+, and by 1994, had developed AIDS. In 1996, HAART (highly active anti retroviral therapy) became widely available, and Badmachine, who, by this time, was very ill, began HAART treatment.

Internet

In October, 1996, the same brother who gave Badmachine his first computer, supplied Badmachine with a 133 MHz 586 with 32 megabytes of RAM, Windows 95, and a MindSpring account pre-installed, which at the time included mIRC, Forte Agent, WS_FTP, and Eudora.

Badmachine was a prolific poster on Usenet, and frequented DALnet until the early 2000s, when the web became more focused on user-generated content. Before Deja News was bought out by Google Groups, they offered Usenet users the opportunity to "nuke" (delete) posts, as long as the account requesting deletion could be confirmed, and most of his posts were deleted from the Deja News archive before its buyout by Google.

Move to California

In March, 2002, Badmachine moved to California after treatment of shingles on his feet with high doses of intravenous solumedrol left him with avascular necrosis, and limited mobility, necessitating replacement of both hips with Biomet Taperloc arthroplasties.

IRL Friendship, The AIDS Holocaust, and OTI friendship

By 1998, AIDS had claimed almost all of Badmachine's IRL friends, and he turned to the Internet to make friends. Badmachine had already been surprised how angry people became over things that happened on the Internet that really don't matter, especially when viewed from the perspective of a dying man who had lost his IRL friends to AIDS. This was when Badmachine took up his current view that trolling is a necessary part of the evolution of Internet users into thicker-skinned people.

Badmachine made many new friends on the Internet, and some of those friends were Internet trolls. He became fast friends with people directly or indirectly associated with the Internet trolling organization GNAA.

Encyclopedia Dramatica

Due to his interest in the Internet and Internet culture, Badmachine began contributing to Encyclopedia Dramatica in April, 2008 as "Celebratedpooper", "Badmachine", and finally as "Hipcrime". It was while using the user name "Hipcrime" that Badmachine got sysop at Encyclopedia Dramatica dot com, and subsequently, Encyclopedia Dramatica dot ch, and retained his sysop status after the site moved to its current Swedish domain.

Personal views on trolling

Because of Badmachine's personal views on the beneficial aspects of trolling, many have accused him of being a troll himself. Badmachine denies this, but few believe him, to his amusement. Badmachine remains particularly amused by the hypocrisy stemming from the fact that Wikmedia hosts every sort of porn imaginable, yet prevents images of penises on his user page, despite Wikipedia's claim of being uncensored. More amusing to Badmachine is that the prevention of penises is at least somewhat justifiable, but that the addition of the GNAA logo to his userpage makes Wikipedians shit their collective panties.

	“	I don't agree with the statement that he's "just here to troll". A casual glance at his contributions shows mostly productive edits. Maybe we're all being trolled and one day Badmachine will become a steward and the main page will be raining penises, but for now I think there's not much of a case even for blocking.	„

B&

Badmachine came under flak on TOW when he claimed to be an active editor of Encyclopedia Dramatica. This caught the attention of the GNAA who defended Badmachine by exposing the Wikipedia homophobe cabal. He was valiantly defended until TOW finally had enough of his crap, and Ironholds banned him because fuck you that's why. He then took his fight to ArbCom which, of course, hastily put his case with all the other legitimate concerns into file 13.

Why Wikipedia doesn't appreciate hipcrime

In a nutshell

	“	You do things deliberately because other people find them offensive, and then pretend you don't know what happened. Drop the bullshit.	„
	—Some asshole on AN/I

Countless times has hipcrime lead holy crusades into the kingdom of TOW, inserting truth, removing vandalism, and defending the lessers of Wikipedia. Although Wikipedia is the alleged "sum of all human knowledge", the majority of Wikipedians have a strong distaste for hipcrime's perfectly sourced information, telling him to "go be insensitive somewhere else". And because hipcrime was actually enjoying his editing on Wikipedia, some humourless cunt named Rklawton told him "we are here to create and edit an encyclopedia. If you lose sight of this fact, you'll find yourself in opposition to those of us who haven't". But they did not stop there, as the Wikipedians went onto whine about the glorious 50 penis post contained on hipcrime's userpage. While Wikipedia is not censored, they decided it would be best to sperg out about images of the male anatomy on a userpage.

	“	Badmachine, you have already been pointed to the guideline under which additions of sexually provocative content can be reverted. And yet you appear to be dead set on having the image of a penis on your userpage. Please be aware that the next time you try to add one back, I'll fully protect the page indefinitely.	„

Block #1

Moar info: Qwyrxian.

Eventually some power-mad failure named Qwyrxian decided that hipcrime's userpage was a violation of TOW policy because there was no way to prove that his biography on it was legitimate. This reason being pulled out of his ass because of Qwyrxian's constant hipcrime-induced rage at Talk:Lil B (a subject Qwyrxian aka Aaron Hahn knows nothing about). He called a mighty army of meatpuppets to aid him in the block, all of which were later exposed and shut down by gaynigger forces. In a glorious turn of events, hipcrime was unblocked.

Block #2

Moar info: Ironholds.

After embarrassing the WMF to no end, lowly employee Ironholds (Oliver Keyes) decided enough was enough and set out to remove hipcrime once and for all. After blocking him, hipcrime left a reasonable unblock request that was denied by none other than Ironhold's girlfriend. This is seriously how Wikipedia operates.

Unfortunately, the dicks refused to remove the ban, which promoted much GNAA flooding of Wikipedia IRC, to the point that both #wikipedia-en and #wikipedia were kept on +r for extended periods. Once more, Wikipedia has been trolled, and has lost.

lol

[20:22] <+Ironholds> badmachine, I'm not in any kind of relationship with the declining sysop. Shut your pie-hole.
[20:22] <badmachine> lol
[20:22] <+Ironholds> indeed, for the longest of times she wanted to break my neck
[20:23] <badmachine> what a thing for the community liaison to say
[20:23] <+Ironholds> I'm here in a personal role

Deleted userpage

Use scrollbar to see the full image

File:Hipcrime userpage.png

See Also

• Ironholds
• Qwyrxian
• ArbCom
• We love badmachine

External Links

• Badmachine is all that remains of his censored talk (the rest is archived at Wikipedia:User talk:Badmachine/Archive 1)
• His old gallery
• Last edit of userpage on May 2012
• Badmachine on the list of banned losers

Hipcrime is part of a series on ED Government

Executive Command Founder Joseph Evers • Lulz Incarnate Ae-tan • Codified Likeness Utility CLU Theocratic Branch Spiritual Advancement Guru Meepsheep • Brother Hipcrime • Our Dear Leader GloriousReader • Hardchat Royalty Likeicare Judicial Branch Judge Boudica • Drama Detective GirlOnInternet • Arbchat • Internet court Intelligence Division Arctic Research Scientist Caku • Chanfig and Professional Memer CrackRabbit • Kentucky Colonel Fleacollerindustry • Cordial Cyborg Jacket • Kaptein-Commandant Conciërge Tabs • E-Detective and Token Straight Guy Zagan Communications Network Jamaican Ambassador ASSBLONKER • Logistics Expert Scumhook • Maysam • Professor A Fucking Box • Commissar MegaManly • Memetic Warfare Director Chimplord • Real Celebrity Paul Rudd Department of Defense "Old Bone" Kleetus • Catalogue Cleaning Crew Cobaltcat • Gooner Killer NEVER GOON Founding Documents ED:Help • ED:101 • ED:LULZ • ED:OATH

Hipcrime is part of a series on Homosexual Deviants Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.

Hipcrime is part of a series on Wikipedia Visit the Wikipedia Portal for complete coverage.