Dylan & Cole Sprouse

Dylan and Cole Sprouse are identical twins, former Disneyfags, and now useless nobodies. Recently, Dylan's nudes were leaked, proving that he's a bigger retard than his brother.

Big Daddy

In the movie Big Daddy, the twins take turns playing the role a kid named Julian McGrath who is cute but annoying, Sonny Koufax is his adopted father. The two demonstrate their superior acting skills by pissing on everything in sight while constantly demanding to hear the "The Kangaroo Song." Children, adults and pedophiles all thought that Julian was adorable and the twins became famous. Luckily for them, Pedobear didn't exist in 1999.

Disneyfags

Disney is infamous for dooming child actors to a future of drugs, pornography and post-sexual assault suicide. And to nobody's surprise, the Disney Channel eagerly gave the jailbait clones their own TV show.

The first was The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, it was followed by the so-original sequel The Suite Life On Deck. While the boys gained a following of pre-teens from these shows, most of their fans were older, people who had seen Big Daddy in 1999.

When Dylan and Cole claimed these were "their" shows, Disney showed its bitches the door after they asked for creative control. Dylan cried to the media with his side of the story which they ran with, adding inches to his post-acting, ever-growing e-peen.

It's worth noting that while they were still technically clay molds of each other, distinguishing the two apart was no longer difficult because Disney had transformed Dylan into a young hambeast for chubby-chasing pedos.

Nice career you've got there.... annnnnnd it's gone

After the plug was pulled and The Suite Life was no longer sweet, the two faded into obscurity, existing only in lifelong fan blog form. Not easily discouraged, the twins set out to conquer the internet. Dylan tried selling his artwork online and we know how that went. His brother on the other hand attempted to stay relevant by creating a blog so he could troll his fans. Nobody cared. Everyone assumed that, being former Disneyfags, they were either on drugs or prostituting on the streets of New York.

Pedo prayers get answered

Just when the light of the spotlight had almost completely dimmed out, a miracle happened. A scathing ex-girlfriend/publicity stunt resulted in the leaking of Dylan's 21-year-old package on the internets. This was also followed by an accusation that Dill Pickle was currently working as a waiter at a restaurant because he had spent all his acting money on drugs and alcohol.

Not allowing his salty ex to win/himself to miss out on the chance of new relevance, Dill took to the king of media, Howard Stern TMZ, to address the ludicrous broke bitch accusations and claim proud ownership of his tiny penis. Again being foreshadowed by his older clone, Cole attempted to tweet jokes about the size of his brother's junk instead of releasing nudes of his own.

Oh noes, not again

Happy that he was not all over the e-news again, Dill saw a sharp increase in Twitter and tumblr followers, and all his Instagram comments had turned into "NUDES NOODS N00DZ." Then a second batch of nudes were leaked, showing Dill with fresh man juice all over his tummy. This time he refused to claim ownership and accused of them being shooped, when it's fucking obvious they are of the same guy in the same bathroom from which he claimed previous ownership of.

Their future

With no hint of a future career in sight, the only way the clones can stay relevant at this point is to post more nudes or go the full mile and make porn, since their pre-teen fans aren't old enough or rich enough to buy it like their mature fans are, and their loyal pedo fanbase has been with them since the Big Daddy days.

External links

•  dylansprouse
•  colesprouse
• bausprouse
• coletureconceptarchive - Mirror of Cole's "social experiment" tumblr where he attempted to pass himself off as the intellectually superior clone
• thomasbombadil
• camera_duels - Cole's second failed social experiment, this time on Instagram
• Failed and abandoned art page
• Perez Hilton cums in his pants over Dill's little pickle
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Daddy_%281999_film%29

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