French Revolution

The French Revolution was the most amazing and insane clusterfuck to hit France in the late 18th century, paving the way for extensive IRL pwning, war, the first republic, Napoleon, Human Rights and other shit nobody cares about.

Prelude

In 1774 Louis XVI. became King of France and after many expensive and retarded undertakings, like aiding Murica in the war for independence (to stick it to the British), and his wife looting the bank account for bling, he was broke like a nigga on food stamps. To get himself out of debt and generate some cash for a king-worthy, pimpin lifestyle he called in the assembly of notables, a bunch of aristocrats, gay clergy men, and other rich fucks, to ask for permission to rise the taxes(on them), which ended in them giving him the finger.

Finally in 1789 Louis decided to call for an assembly of the estates general, a body composed of the clergy, the nobility and everyone else who wasn’t of any special interest at all. Unfortunately he couldn’t push through with his tax reforms because those fucking peasants were pissed by the fact that they had no vote, no national assembly, and no deodorant. While trying to lower the tension and sort things out, the King did only enrage 90% of the population to the point of a Revolution. What followed was a TL;DR of constitutional Monarchy, Treason, war and a ton of decapitations.

The fun Part (Reign of Terror)

The Reign of Terror came into existence through a bitch fight between the Girondin and the Jacobin parties, but under the firm lead of Maximilien Robespierre and the Committee of Public Safety, which was more or less a pack of Social Justice Warriors, it became an epic event of celebrated, indiscriminating, public, mass murder which claimed the lives of over 9000 frenchies. In the End People in the CPS got so frightened that they would be next in line to the scaffold that they decided to take preemptive measures and send Robbie and his gang there first. So the Reign of Terror ended and the more boring part of the revolution went on.

Main Characters

Louis XVI.King of France and of Navarre

Messed up big time and got his Head chopped of in Public.

Maria Antoinette, Queen of France and Navarre

Got her Head chopped of in Public for outrageous spending habits and not being french enough.

Georges Jacques Danton

Revolutionary, Advocate and Whoremonger of great magnitude. Got sentenced to death for not being radical enough, and got his head chopped of in public.

Maximilien Robespierre

Revolutionary, Advocate and Killjoy Messed with the wrong People and was shot in the face, and finally got his head chopped of in public for being too radical.

Louis Antoine Léon de Saint-Just

Max's Buddy, and possibly Gay Lover. Got his Head chopped of too.

Georges Couthon

was an angry, bloodthirsty cripple riding a steampunk wheelchair. Together with Robespierre and Saint-Just he became the victim of a preemptive strike and got his head chopped of. Because the Guillotine was not built with accessibility for the disabled in mind, he nearly got of the hook.

Jean-Paul Marat

Physician, Journalist and Part-time inhabitant of the Sewer system of Paris. In his age, he was the generic Fox-News Anchor out for Blood, he got stabbed in the Bathtub and was honored with a painting showing his dead body in said bathtub.

Olympe de Gouges

Abolitionist and Feminist. Unfortunately she found herself ahead of her time(pun).

Charles-Henri Sanson

High executioner of the French Republic. In charge of the chopping of, of Heads in public, a shitty job he inherited from his dad. How the hell does an Executioner ask his GF if she gives head without sounding creepy?

Fun Activities to do during the Revolution

• overthrow the Monarchy
• write shit no one understands, like the "declaration of human rights"
• hide, if you are a Nobleman
• seek out traitors and enemies of the revolution, and kill em
• Join a radical Party
• Troll those who lost family members during the Terror
• chop of Heads
• get your head chopped of
• watch public executions, and give funny remarks
• join the army, and fight for equality, freedom and brotherhood
• storm a luxurious Prison, free seven Prisoners, and brutally kill the crippled guards
• write for a newspaper which demands more head-chopping
• Get laid by using phrases like “This could be our last night!”
• Kill priests, don’t forget to get the sacrament of penance beforehand