Margot: Queen of Shit

Gorgeous

Margot is a ball of loud, shit covered chaos and folds in her mid 20s who loves to stalk her therapist (who she has renamed Baldwin) and has a freakish obsession with shit. Not only does she have (and show) pics of the toilet Baldwin uses at home, she also likes to post images of her own poop at random, hoping to trick her friends into seeing her shitty pics. To date she has tricked over 40 people on the internet into eyeballing her excrement! People now live in fear of her seemingly benign links.

It doesn't stop at just pics either, she loves to tell people long, graphic tales of her crappy achievements. Like this gem:

	“	AND ONE TIME I WANTED TO WAKE MY BOYFRIEND UP BY FARTING IN HIS FACE. BUT IT WASN'T JUST A FART. AND HE WOKE UP TO ME RUNNING TO THE BATHROOM GOING "FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK"	„
	—Margot, talking about how she almost shit on her boyfriend's face.

Or this wonderfully riveting bowel movement adventure:

apparently i shat my leggings. hard core. disgusting bloody overdosey pill-filled shit. i'm assuming i tried to take them off to put in the washer - but sort of fucked up and threw them in the dryer instead. i'm pretty sure i realized what i had done, so i pull out my leggings, leaving a pile of shit in the dryer, and dragged them to my room in hopes of keeping the whole scenario on the down-low.

too bad my dad's girlfriend wanted to do laundry IMMEDIATELY after that.

she fucking comes in my room and starts bitching at me to clean it up. i dragged myself out of my room on the floor, half naked - my ass bare for everyone and their mother to see, pull myself to the dryer and smear my shit around for a bit and then crawl back to my room. well, she wasn't having that. that's when i started to get screamed at. i was told that i dragged myself out again on the floor and was yelled at for about an hour before my dad finally realized i was incoherent and let me go back to my room to attempt to kill myself for the second time that night.

the next fucking day she decides she wants to 'have a talk with me' aka bitch me out for about an hour.

i'd like to pull a few gems out of that one-sided conversation:

"IF YOU WERE A DOG, I WOULD'VE RUBBED YOUR NOSE IN IT."

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE IN YOUR MIND YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE OKAY TO SHIT IN THE DRYER."

and this is the best one

"THAT LITTLE GAME YOU PLAYED LAST NIGHT ISN'T WORKING"

i'd like to say this as my last piece:

i shit in her dryer. she put her finger in my shit. i win.

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TRUST HER LINKS

Or you might find one of her long, squishy logs staring you in the face

Not only that, but her favorite meal is currently eel soup. If she offers to show you, DO NOT TRUST IT