User:E/2013 Appeals

We tend to take a lot of shit for granted these days, free speech being one of them. The sad thing is that, although we live in such an age that technology is everywhere, the freedom to do and say as you please within that technology is highly restricted, controlled and regulated to the point that "free speech" is no longer "free". For sites like Encyclopedia Dramatica to exist, to get around that controlled and authoritative dictatorship that is "Big Money", "Big Media", from corporate backed organizations like the MPAA and the RIAA to corporate controlled political puppets that have infested so many governments the world over, the number of places where free speech remains free is limited...and costly. It is because of that cost and because of that control that we strive to keep ED alive.

ED represents not just a no holds bar satirical view of the online world, it represents the nature of free speech itself and the FIGHT to keep it alive against insurmountable odds. It's a cause worth fighting for and you can FIGHT for that freedom! Every day, every week, every month, every donation you can make, large or small is another shell in the gun poised against those enemies who would try and deny you, who would try and oppress you, who would try and strip you naked and fuck you straight up the ass with their dictatorial corporate control over your ability to express yourself, to be yourself, to NOT be held down, to NOT give in! This is your chance, your time, will you FIGHT for your God given right to say and do as you please? Will you FIGHT against the tyrannical corporate control that seeks to fuck you up the ass with their prepackaged media mind control?

Join the FIGHT! Help us, help Encyclopedia Dramatica, make a donation today, make a DIFFERENCE in the world today!

Throwing My Lot In

• Okay, I saw you asked for it to be funny and five paragraphs long and what's been written so far doesn't seem to fit. Since the due date is around the corner I figured i'd try to write something up.

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Soon the holidays will be upon us and many of you will be celebrating the life and death of a bearded jewish carpenter 2000 years ago with family and friends. Or at least people who have family and friends will be doing that. But since you are a loser whom his family has long since disowned and who's company is about as pleasant as a fart in an elevator, you will be alone because you have no friends and nobody likes you.

At this point you may be wondering: "What should I do with all that money I made at McDonald's on Xmas?". You could buy a gift for your girlfriend, but what do you get a japanese love pillow with a fleshlight jammed inside it? Or you can do what you always do and celebrate alone in front of the T.V with a bottle of Jack before you cry yourself to sleep. I mean, what else could you spend your jewgold on?

Well, I am here to tell you that there IS an alternative! There may not be any real people willing to spend this gay, white people holiday in your presence, but you could still give your money to charity. No, i'm not talking about those homeless chimpanzees who want your cash so that they can get more fried chicken for themselves and their crack babies. I am talking about donating to Encyclopedia Dramatica! Since we all know that ED is the only ray of light in you pathetic, miserable life, what better way is there to commemorate your fake religion than to give us your money?

"But why should I give you my money? What does ED need it for?", you may be asking. Well, first of all, shut the fuck up faggot. Secondly, there is actually quite a lot of things we can use that money for. You might think that running this site is free because the only experience you ever had with this sort of thing was your "Sonic X Amy Rose" fansite you ran on Geocities to host the scat porn you drew in MS paint, and that was free, so why shouldn't ED be that way? Without getting into the ins and outs of running a website, let's just say that ED has a lot of content that costs a lot of money to maintain, and no one is stupid enough to click the ads on the sidebar.

"Okay, so you need money. But why should I give it to you? What is this site even good for?", You might now ponder. Again, shut your ass up and let me answer your question with another question: Are you not repulsed by the internet? Are you not disgusted by the fat retards drawing inflation porn on Deviantart? Are you not grossed out by all the Anime fangirls writing slash fanfiction about their Mary Sue self-insert being in a gay orgy with Naruto and Captain Kirk? Are you not utterly sickened by all these 13 year old aspies, 16 year old camwhores and +40 year old furries who escape the reality of how gross they are by hiding online where they get asspats from fellow retards and act as if their computer screen is an impenetrable shield that protects them from criticism about being sick fucks? If you are, then this is your time to donate. Maybe we can't stop these people from being revolting, but we sure as hell can make their lives on the internet miserable. Turn their sole refuge from the truth into a shining beacon of light, exposing them for the creepy shits that they are.

So if you love ED and you want to see us keep dispensing truth and lulz for another year, here is your chance to make that happen. Don't even bother reading all the way to the end (but finish this next sentence first you dumb shit) and scroll down to the bottom where you will find a link to a paypal account where you can part with the $3.50 that you saved up this year and hand them over to us so we can put them to better use. Don't be a lazy cunt, do it now. If you don't have a paypal account you can motherfucking open one in about ten seconds, you incompetent shitstain. And if you finally work up the nerve to an hero this year, don't forget to transfer all your funds over to us before you down that shot of Clorax and go off to meet your maker.

Oh, and happy holidays! Don't let your tears of loneliness ruin your keybored before you send us that money!

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• Ended up being six... Imma add some pics later.

Y'all should also proofread what I wrote if you intend to use it, because my english is shit. oddguy 08:40, 28 November 2012 (EST)

From what I've seen of the layout on E's forum post, all those pipes are gonna be useless. Elvis 11:14, 1 December 2012 (EST)

• Yep, I wish I knew that before I made them. I would have written it another way maybe... But no matter! oddguy 11:33, 1 December 2012 (EST)