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Garden Thief: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:1gardenthief111.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Bastard wants your veggies]] | [[Image:1gardenthief111.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Bastard wants your veggies]] | ||
A '''Garden Thief''' or '''Garden Thieves''' are the worst kind of [[nigger|thief]] because they wait | A '''Garden Thief''' or '''Garden Thieves''' are the worst kind of [[nigger|thief]] because they wait for the middle of the night to sneak into your vegetable garden to steal your cucumbers and melons and in the act of doing this they break the stalks of your tomato plants and smash them worthless underfoot.<br> | ||
Now I have been told that if it was my bike, my mail or my Tv then I'd be right in assuming it was a [[nigger|black man]] but since the melons were cantaloupes and not watermelon, nothing that can be deep-fried or served with chicken was stolen then it was most likely not a [[nigger|black man]] and I should ask myself if there are horny [[women|girls]] in my neighborhood that like a snack after [[masturbate|schlicking]], [[Jew]]s or <b>DING DING DING</b> some piece of shit [[hipster]], that paid way too much for his house and I have seen out in the middle of the night collecting cans from recycling bins to sell. | Now I have been told that if it was my bike, my mail or my Tv then I'd be right in assuming it was a [[nigger|black man]] but since the melons were cantaloupes and not watermelon, nothing that can be deep-fried or served with chicken was stolen then it was most likely not a [[nigger|black man]] and I should ask myself if there are horny [[women|girls]] in my neighborhood that like a snack after [[masturbate|schlicking]], [[Jew]]s or <b>DING DING DING</b> some piece of shit [[hipster]], that paid way too much for his house and I have seen out in the middle of the night collecting cans from recycling bins to sell. | ||
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If there're any survivors left, if they're male, I'll make them have [[sex]] with each other by arguing the point that I'm the guy with the [[gun]] and then haul them off to jail wile I upload the video to [[youtube]] with the header that I caught these weirdos having a [[gay]] sex party in my fields or I can bury them alive, using them as [[shit|fertilizer]] and dump their car over the side of a mountain. The best part, is if this ever goes to trial my grandpa is the judge, my dad is the county [[pig|sheriff]] and my brothers and sisters will be the jury.<br> | If there're any survivors left, if they're male, I'll make them have [[sex]] with each other by arguing the point that I'm the guy with the [[gun]] and then haul them off to jail wile I upload the video to [[youtube]] with the header that I caught these weirdos having a [[gay]] sex party in my fields or I can bury them alive, using them as [[shit|fertilizer]] and dump their car over the side of a mountain. The best part, is if this ever goes to trial my grandpa is the judge, my dad is the county [[pig|sheriff]] and my brothers and sisters will be the jury.<br> | ||
Now I know why Hillbillies are always so damn happy.<br> | Now I know why Hillbillies are always so damn happy.<br> | ||
== Military Justice == | |||
[[Image:1gardenninja333.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Waiting for the day when the ED209 garden security system arrives]] | |||
[[BakaRed]] pointed out this option when he asked me what my father would do who was a carreer officer in the [[Army|US Army]].<br> | |||
Most of what my Father would do is probably [[illegal]] unless a war has been declared and land mines are now considered a human rights violation thanks to the [[England|English]], I don't want to be [[Lawsuit|Sued]] or see this site sued because I [[retard|stupidly]] put to print ideas that some [[emo]] loser used to collect [[dead|cold bodies]] to fuck or because he had to get back at that [[13 year old girl]] who truthfully called him [[fat]].<br> | |||
Revision as of 04:20, 26 August 2017
A Garden Thief or Garden Thieves are the worst kind of thief because they wait for the middle of the night to sneak into your vegetable garden to steal your cucumbers and melons and in the act of doing this they break the stalks of your tomato plants and smash them worthless underfoot.
Now I have been told that if it was my bike, my mail or my Tv then I'd be right in assuming it was a black man but since the melons were cantaloupes and not watermelon, nothing that can be deep-fried or served with chicken was stolen then it was most likely not a black man and I should ask myself if there are horny girls in my neighborhood that like a snack after schlicking, Jews or DING DING DING some piece of shit hipster, that paid way too much for his house and I have seen out in the middle of the night collecting cans from recycling bins to sell.
Jewish Law And Garden Thieves
According to Jewish Law, if the poor come to your fields, or garden, it is often seen as hospitality or a good thing to let them take from it. On the other hand, the poor are only expected to eat only enough until they are no longer hungry, not take anything with them when they leave or do any harm to the plants.
This rule exists because it is believed that because G-D has been generous to you by giving you plants that produced food then you must be generous as well when it comes to sharing that same food. Inhospitality is one of the words sins in the eyes of G-D in the Jewish Faith and some Christian faiths believe the same. G-D has burnt cities like Sodom and Gomorrah for the sin of inhospitality so you should never be gready with G-D's gift of bounty.
These laws say nothing about assholes who steal everything and break your plants.
I assume this would fall under the Laws of Moses and if you catch the D-bag
they'd have to replace what they stole plus the plants they broke. Despite the advice of some of ED's sysops on what I should do if I catch this thief, the problem with the law is they could literally sit there with a Syringe and shoot poison in every one of my tomatoes but if I lay a hand on them it's Assault.
I must admit The PondCat has a decent plan. Step 1: Move to Florida.
Hillbilly Justice
Yippie Kay Yay Mother Fucker.
Guns, booze and wincest. Ooooh, we're talking really Old, Old, Old Testament and the ideas that made America the greatest Country that is the world.
I love the whole idea of hiding in a corn row with a double barrel shotgun and waiting for the D-Bags to show up that have been stealing from my secret Herb garden in the middle of my corn field and blowing off the back of their heads.
If there're any survivors left, if they're male, I'll make them have sex with each other by arguing the point that I'm the guy with the gun and then haul them off to jail wile I upload the video to youtube with the header that I caught these weirdos having a gay sex party in my fields or I can bury them alive, using them as fertilizer and dump their car over the side of a mountain. The best part, is if this ever goes to trial my grandpa is the judge, my dad is the county sheriff and my brothers and sisters will be the jury.
Now I know why Hillbillies are always so damn happy.
Military Justice
BakaRed pointed out this option when he asked me what my father would do who was a carreer officer in the US Army.
Most of what my Father would do is probably illegal unless a war has been declared and land mines are now considered a human rights violation thanks to the English, I don't want to be Sued or see this site sued because I stupidly put to print ideas that some emo loser used to collect cold bodies to fuck or because he had to get back at that 13 year old girl who truthfully called him fat.