imported>One With The Lulz |
|
| Line 1: |
Line 1: |
| {{Lulzgames}}
| | [[:Image:Worsethangoatse.jpg| I like gab, you should too.]] |
| [[Image:Kasumiayane.jpg|thumb|right|All [[16-year-old girl]]s typically have a 36" bust size, apparently.]] | |
| [[Image:Pantyshot-dead-or-alive-ultimate.jpg|thumb|right|OMG FAPFAPFAP]]
| |
| [[Image:Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball.gif|thumb|right|Dead or Alive is known for its gorgeous graphics]]
| |
| [[Image:DOA Day 1 Nude.jpg|thumb|The fans could not wait to test out the game's features.]]
| |
| [[Image:Hugetits.jpg|thumb|A typical screenshot from DOA Beach Volleyball. This is pretty much the entire game.]]
| |
| | |
| '''Dead or Alive''' is a fighting game series that understands [[typical]] video game players and thus focuses on a bunch of females who fight each other in martial arts battles only wearing thongs. Despite having a bunch of nubile whores bouncing around and making out, the games are terrible and testament to the idea that sex sells.
| |
| | |
| == Characters ==
| |
| * '''Kasumi''' - The most hottest vidya gaym character evar!1 according to [[GameFAQs]] and [[IGN]]. Has the personality of a brick.
| |
| * '''Ayane''' - [[16-year-old girl]] second hottest vidya gaym character evar!1 She was abandoned as a kid and thus the weeaboos who play these games think she is "deep".
| |
| * '''Hayate/Ein''' - One of only two male characters in the game that aren't shit-tier fighters. A magnet for yaoi fangirls that ship him with Ryu.
| |
| * '''Ryu Hayabusa''' - Yes, that Ryu Hayabusa from the [[Battletoads|Ninja Gaiden]] games. He can take out a city block by reciting ancient Japanese poetry and can literally make [[Naruto]] fantards cry because he represents what it means to be a bad ass ninja. Seriously, this guy can kill 12 evil gods, destroy a small, first world country and kill countless, unnamed bad guys in the same amount of time that it takes [[Naruto]] and [[Sasuke]] to finish up one of their fan service fights to figure out who's going to be on top. If he was in [[Dragon Ball Z]] the series would be 3 episodes long.
| |
| * '''Momiji''' - The super badass Ninja's apprentice. A favorite of the ED staff and many coins have been wasted trying to wish her real so they could motorboat her [[boobs]] for just five minutes.
| |
| * '''Tina Armstrong''' - [[Slut|A modern, liberated western woman]].
| |
| * '''Bass Armstrong''' - [[Hulk Hogan]] knockoff.
| |
| * '''Leifang''' - Catering to the [[yellow fever]] and [[foot fetish]] crowds and empowering [[girl gamer]]s everywhere by making her reliant on some other chink named Jann Lee to finish her fights for her.
| |
| * '''Bayman''' - 1. Take Russian bad guy from [[Call of Duty]]. 2. Put him in this game 3. ???? 4. PROFIT!!
| |
| * '''Jann Lee''' - [[Bruce Lee]] knockoff
| |
| * '''Hitomi''' - The [[waifu]] of every non-ninjaboo DOA fan. At least she knows her place because her favorite hobbies are cooking and cleaning. She is [[World War II|part-German, part-Japanese]].
| |
| * '''Christie''' - Some super assassin who accomplishes her missions by dressing like a porn star and getting [[bukkake]]d.
| |
| * '''Zack''' - Token [[nigger]] of the series. He bankrupted [[Las Vegas]], bought his own island, and invites all the girls there so he can film them sleeping.
| |
| * '''Leon''' - Leon from [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%A9on:_The_Professional Leon the Professional].
| |
| * '''Lisa "La Mariposa"''' - Niggress that not even the most hormone-addled [[13-year-old boy]] would fap to because, you know, she's a nigger.
| |
| * '''Helena''' - Queen of the world or some shit. Despite hating her daddy and his company DOATEC, she inherits it and gets [[an hero|suicidal]] when it was destroyed by some ninjas riding rockets and fighting without bras.
| |
| * '''Elliot''' - Androgynous twink who meets the requisite [[Boku No Pico|girlyboy]] requirement for a Japanese game.
| |
| * '''Gen-Fu''' - Obligatory creepy old Asian man. Also Elliot's mentor. He joined DOA to raise money for his grand daughter's [[dead baby|operation]], but now just fights for all the boobies.
| |
| * '''Marie Rose''' - obligatory loli who is listed as 18 so Tecmo isn't accused of being pedophiles. They created her as a Swedish girl without [[boobs|secondary sex characteristics]] in spite of having the game banned there (see below). Popular with the [[pedo]]s and the boys who are afraid of girls who look like girls. Voted by the ED staff as the character most likely to have her dick suddenly appear out of her ass if she's kicked hard enough.
| |
| * '''Honoka''' - Another "18-year old" [[jailbait|loli]] added because [[moe]]shit ruins everything.
| |
| * '''Mila''' - Female [[MMA]] fighter, the new girl introduced in DOA5, and certified Q.T.Π. Didn't even get to be in DOAX3 because Nips need more underage schoolgirls.
| |
| * '''Brad Wong''' - A random alcoholic chink who wandered into the tournament and never went home.
| |
| * '''Kokoro''' - A Geisha (a.k.a. Japanese [[prostitute|courtesan]]) in-training. She fights in DOA to test her porn skills.
| |
| | |
| == Games ==
| |
| *'''Dead or Alive''' - Virtua Fighter ripoff. Nobody cares about this game, not even fanboys who have Kasumi as their waifu.
| |
| *'''Dead or Alive 2''' - The game that got Dead or Alive noticed for having girls with giant tits that bounce like water balloons.
| |
| *'''Dead or Alive 3''' - Itagaki trolled the weeaboos that loved DOA2 on the Dreamcast and PS2 by making DOA3 an [[XBox]] exclusive.
| |
| *'''Dead or Alive 4''' - Got more 13 year old boys fapping to the game by including a female [[Halo|SPARTAN]] from Halo.
| |
| *'''Dead or Alive 5: Last Round''' - The incredibly shitty revival of Dead or Alive after its creator [[Howard Stern|Tomonobu Itagaki]] got fired for raping female coworkers. Tecmo was [[Jew|envious]] of [[Capcom]] for shithousing its beloved franchies with DLC on disc and thus made over half of the game inaccessible unless you pay out over $300 on shitty bikinis for the females. Tecmo also acknowledged how much of a ripoff DOA is of Virtua Fighter by having VF characters appear as [[Soul Calibur|guest stars]] in the game. Due to the DOA series being well known for its [[Tits|innovative gameplay]] and [[Fanservice|deep, complex storyline]], the [[PC Master Race|PC]] version of the game [[Cumshot|received]] a [[Nude|fan patch]] the first day it came out.
| |
| *'''Dimensions: Banned for Pedophilia''' - The newest game, Dead or Alive Dimensions has been banned in the once-Viking, now [[SJW]], countries of Norway, Sweden, and Denmark because you can see up Japanese schoolgirls' skirts. OH NOES!!1 [http://www.gamesradar.com/abc-news-uses-our-ridiculous-big-boobed-pterodactyl-joke-as-serious-doa-screenshot] Ironially, mud slimes are well known for being actual pedophiles in those countries, which ironically enough, is never prosecuted.
| |
| *'''[[Extreme|Xtreme]] Beach Volleyball''' - What do you get when you cross a shitty game about a boring sport with [[Cyberrape|bad]] gameplay, crappy music, a [[hentai]] dating game, and 3D rendered [[boobs]]? One of the [[XBox]]'s greatest hits. This steaming turd has gameplay so horrible that anybody except the sex-starved [[13 year old boys]] who play this game would use the disc as a coaster. The Controls were actually designed as such that it could be played with one hand, allowing those who employed a bit of hormone-induced ingenuity to use their [[cock]] as a joy stick simultaneously. Unfortunately, the hand used to handle the controller is the right hand, as the game requires use of button mashing, meaning its demographic is once again made more exclusive by appealing mainly to the left handed. The game is quite popular among males. All they do is chose a character and masturbate. However, the cum sometimes shorts out the television screen. Its popularity was derivative of the fact that it has better graphics than real life and more boobs than Playboy. Also, it's the closest thing most of its players will get to boobs for a long, long time.
| |
| | |
| The advent of DoA hentai/doujin has made this game utterly obsolete; that is, unless, like some virgins, the actual sight of graphic hand-drawn cocks in hand-drawn vagoo action is more than enough to make one queasy. Also, like any form of hentai, there is nothing to keep you from [[lie|accidentally]] stumbling upon [[futanari]], tentacle raep and [[shitting dick nipples]].
| |
| | |
| === Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 ===
| |
| In 2015, the closeted pedophiles of Koei Tecmo announced the release of a new version of their masturbatory material and weeaboos around the globe rejoiced for such great news. Unfortunately for the ones who don't live in [[Moonspeak]] speaking countries, Tecmo was savy and decided to not to release a version for the USA and Europe, as they fear a twitter boycott Clusterfuck from Feminist [[Randi Harper|Blue-haired hambeasts]] would arise if they [https://archive.is/d9gFl do so].
| |
| | |
| Soon the butthurt opportunists of [[gamergate]] with their usual cry of [[Incontinent Student Bodies|SJW STOLE MAI GAYMZ!!!11!!]] infested the social networks demanding their demands to be catered (just like the people they hate [[feminists|the most]]).
| |
| | |
| | |
| {{center|
| |
| {{fv|Videos|background-color:#COCOCO;text-align:center;|font-weight:bold;
| |
| |<center><youtube>JHnVIl7Bc78</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>ySOWRs1UYow</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>ILjyWHSaH8E</youtube></center>
| |
| }}
| |
| }}
| |
| | |
| <center>'''Don't forget to clean the jizz stains of your console after play it.'''</center>
| |
| | |
| | |
| This fake outrage bandwagon got the attention of [[happy_merchant|play-asia.com]] who decided it would be very [[shekels|lucrative]] to import the game if finally no official release will be issued. Within minutes of their announcement, Play-asia.com received several veiled threats against them from concerned [[SJW|people]] with women's representation in [[Videogames]], which prompted a ridiculous twitter exchange so unfunny that make a ghetto "Yo mama" nigger contest, looks like the fucking debate between Robert Hooke and Isaac Newton.
| |
| | |
| <center>{{Photoframe|fv|border: 1px black; padding: 10px;|font-weight: bold;
| |
| |[[File:NoDoA4U.png|center|450px]]{{center|No gaimu for you, Baka Feminist Gaijin!}}
| |
| |[[File:PlayAsia Saves the day.png|center|500px]]{{center|For some shekels we keep your fap stash updated!}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA - Mike Drucker Baw.png|center|500px]]{{center|"{{archive|utG7c|No Fun Allowed}}" by a SJW nobody who writes for the [[antilulz|Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show]].}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA - MyConnections.png|center|550px]]{{center|'''As a marginalized woman by the patriarchal capitalist system,'''
| |
| ;I will use my powerful connections with the industry to get your business closed.}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA-JimSterlingRationalizations.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|Jim Sterling of [[Destructoid]] doing what he knows best: Blaming it on [[Gamergate]].}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA-Disgruntled SJW 01.png|center|550px]]{{center|I'm going to boycott this site that is the first time I heard of.}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA-Disgruntled SJW 02.png|center|550px]]{{center|'''Yes''' I fight for [[Social Justice]]. '''No''' I don't give you consent to call me a Social Justice Warrior!}}
| |
| |[[File:DoAX3 - Kotaku Butthurt.png|center|550px]]{{center|{{archive|tdhDp|Kotaku Editor joining the SJW inquisition}}}}
| |
| |[[File:DoaX3 - This is not censorship.png|center|550px]]{{center|{{archive|E4yuR|Indeed you honor your name, Mr. Cocks!}}}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA - PlayAsia Anime Smug Face 02.png|center|450px]]{{center|[[Doing it wrong|Greentexting on Twitter]]}}
| |
| }}</center>
| |
| | |
| | |
| The exposure SJW's give to PlayAsia.com with their lame attempts to boycott the import of the game result in them having more than 50% new followers and {{archive|OMyUC|breaking their sales record worldwide}}. Even other game enterprises offered Koei Tecmo millions of dollars for exclusive distribution rights. Unfortunately for Koei Tecmo, who despite having the game sold out in Japan, they have no [[Hideki Kamiya]] to defend it from the stupidities of [[AIDS Skrillex and Carl the Cuck|over-sheltered hipsters]] obsessed with 3rd wave feminism and identity politics. So the best way for them to respond to this waste of time was to surrender peacefully to the evil forces of [[The Man|The Woman]].
| |
| | |
| <center>{{Photoframe|Introimgs|border: 1px black; padding: 10px;|font-weight: bold;
| |
| |[[File:DoA-KoeiTecmo Surrenders.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''The Samurai fear the SJW'''}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA-TrollingSaltySJW01.jpg|center|400px]]{{center|Do you want some salt with it?}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA - PlayAsia Anime Smug Face 01.png|center|400px]]{{center|yes, this is}}
| |
| |[[File:DoA - PlayAsia 0∕10.png|center|450px]]{{center|At least you tried. Have a nice day!}}
| |
| |[[File:DoAX3 - Beach Body Ready.jpg|center|450px]]{{center|Trolling the [[Fat Acceptance Movement]]}}
| |
| |[[File:DoAX3 - SJW BTFO.png|center|450px]]{{center|{{archive|qDd1d|Bad publicity is GOOD publicity}}}}
| |
| |[[File:PlayAsia - April Fools Prank.jpg|center|450px]]{{center|[https://twitter.com/playasia/status/715844833210941440 Play Asia April fools' Prank]}}
| |
| }}</center>
| |
| | |
| ==== Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 for Playstation [[Virtual reality|VR]]====
| |
| | |
| {{quote|[[moonspeak|やだ！]] [[DO NOT WANT|ダメ！]] [[Surprise buttsecks|きゃああああああ!!!]] |Kasumi| Excerpt from her new, deep and complex dialogue for DOAX3 VR}}
| |
| | |
| | |
| <center><youtube>Tcz2VvaXJTE</youtube></center>
| |
| <center>[[r9k|'''>tfw no gf''']]</center>
| |
| | |
| | |
| Now that apparently Virtual Reality is a thing, the Asian Jews of Koei Tecmo finally were capable to merge three official pastimes of Japanese Men within the new iteration of DOAX3: Not [[Hikikomori|leaving]] the house, [[waifu|obsessing]] with female fictional characters and [[RapeLay|harassing women]]. [[Dying alone|Kissless Virgins]] and [[LoveShy|Incels]] were delighted because finally they don't have to deal with the burden of trying to ask [[women|roasties]] out on a date anymore.
| |
| | |
| Despite this update is not going to be officially released in the [[dumbfuckistan|Western]] [[Yurop|World]], that didn't stop hack "journalists" from [[clickbait]] sites from writing their fake outrage articles about [[Asking for it|women objectification]] and how everybody who wants the game is a [[fact|loser who hates women and will never get laid]].
| |
| | |
| | |
| <center>
| |
| {{cg|Not this shit again!|DOAX3 VR Reactions|center|
| |
| <gallery perrow="5">
| |
| File:Doa-vr-is-basically-sexual-assault-the-game.png|Apparently, {{archive|9oJTR|'no means no'}} doesn't apply to virtual reality.
| |
| File:Doa-vr-Interactive Sexual Assault.png|DOAX3 {{archive|NsiS1|is not designed}} with female players in mind – rather, horny men who want the full buxom avatar experience.
| |
| File:Doa-vr-kotaku com dead-or-alive-vr-is-yup.png|Never change {{archive|xwVSo|Kotaku}}. Never change.
| |
| File:Doa-vr-sexual-assault-game-to-be-released-japan.png|Why a publication dedicated to Business and Finance is publishing articles about {{archive|9qtC8|Japanese videogames?}}
| |
| File:Doa-vr-Sexual Assault Mode Promotes Rape Culture.png|"I’ve come across something that genuinely {{archive|VYy4P|made me angry.}}"
| |
| </gallery>
| |
| |
| |
| <gallery perrow="5">
| |
| File:Doa-vr-kotamu.png|At least learn how to write your clickbait shit article
| |
| File:Doa-vr-Is the current year.png|Is [[The Current Year]] and virtual Japanese girls are being sexually harassed! I mean, Come on!
| |
| File:Doa-vr-i'm not a SJW.png|I'm not a SJW guise, but plz check ur cishet male privilege
| |
| File:Doa-vr-anymoe who is Playing.png|"anymoe" who play this game is a basement-dweller loser
| |
| File:Doa-vr-jealous munter BTFO.png|Afraid because you'll never be noticed by men anymore?
| |
| File:Doa-vr-muh gamergatez.png|Those evul scoundrels of [[gamergate|Glippity Gloppity-gloop]] harassing virtual women. You [[Nods Respectfully Toward You|will be never loved]] by a real one!
| |
| File:Doa-vr-sexist male white pigs.png|Please refrain from [[misgender]] the sexist male white porcine.
| |
| File:Doa-vr-motorboat motorboat.png|[[Motorboat|Motorboat!]] [[Motorboat|Motorboat!]] [[For great justice|:D]]
| |
| File:Doa-vr-this is the future.png|The future is now!
| |
| File:Doa-vr-This Is Outrageous.png|A "sexual attack" on a virtual character that resembles a woman is a real attack on women.
| |
| File:Doa-vr-unexpected voice of reason.png|You find eloquence in the most weirdest places nowadays
| |
| </gallery>}}
| |
| </center>
| |
| | |
| Expect Play-asia.com to import the game, more clickbait outrage, more youtube reaction videos, rinse and repeat, you know the drill.
| |
| | |
| ==Sekrit Codes==
| |
| Want to see all the softcore cut-scenes and bikini outfits without having to play the crappy game? Type these words into YouTube or Google:
| |
| | |
| ''Dead or Alive Xtreme''
| |
| | |
| In minutes you'll be jerking off to either videos from the game or the hentai you found instead.
| |
| | |
| == [[TL;DR]] ==
| |
| | |
| <center>'''There. We saved you 60 bucks.'''</center>
| |
| | |
| {|style="margin: 0 auto"
| |
| |{{frame|{{Videoframe|ToS2|background-color:white;|font-weight:bold;
| |
| |<center><youtube>qtIpNmMbNs0</youtube>
| |
| ;Don't worry, She's 18! [[Why don't you have a seat over there?|(^_-)-☆]]</center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>s8BEa-xoaek</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>-LuR0sehzcw</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>F1KO0KGJF9M</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>parRNyEReqg</youtube>
| |
| ;[[Tits|DEM TITS]]</center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>fIqR_5SrbeQ</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>i0cLl-BJ3bM</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>Ie9GOInqDjs</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>YCsn8QaiUzA</youtube></center>
| |
| |<center><youtube>pGwfkl6d1nc</youtube></center>
| |
| }}|border=white|background=white}}
| |
| |}
| |
| | |
| == See also ==
| |
| | |
| * [[Ninja Gaiden]] The Most Bad-Assed Ninja ever
| |
| * [[Free Step Dodge]] - website for DOA [[tourneyfag]]s and hentai
| |
| * [[Feminism]] - More concerned about the Sexual objectification of virtual women than '''Real''' sexual assaults perpetrated by [[rapefugees|Syrian refugees]]
| |
| * [[Stare Rape]] - The worst crime ever committed against Women.
| |
| * [[Video games]]
| |
| * [[Hentai]]
| |
| * [[Dying Alone]]
| |
| | |
| == External Links ==
| |
| * {{twitter|zack_island}} • Official twitter of DoAX3 (in anime runes). Zack is the Pimp owner of the Island where the hoes of the game do pole dances.
| |
| * [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL65RaDn-dESQVh6x4ZqwmFI4yK7b35PEY '''Here, a youtube playlist for penniless fucks who can't into moonspeak''']
| |
| * {{tumblr|doahdm|A low life creating nude mods for DoA.}} One of the few sites worthwhile on tumblr.
| |
| * [https://archive.is/9N53l It's not censorship, It's sensitivity]
| |
| * [https://archive.is/InpJK The fact that we feminist hate female fanservice and demand mandatory changes, it doesn't mean we want censorship]
| |
| * [https://archive.is/d3Zxg Look how I play DoA sarcastically!]
| |
| * [https://archive.is/qrX8S Why so Salty Destructoid?]
| |
| | |
| | |
| {{gaming}}
| |
| {{anime}}
| |
| {{sj}}
| |
| {{timeline|Featured article April 2 & April 3, [[2016]]|[[Alison Rapp]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Rosa Parks]]}}
| |
| [[Category:Gaming]]
| |
| [[Category:Dying Alone]]
| |
