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'''Coast To Coast AM''' is a syndicated radio show heard all across [[americunts|this great land of ours]]. It runs in the evening hours from 10 PM PT until 2 AM PT. This means that the show is geared towards those [[meth|hard working]] souls who [[white trash|transport]] all of our precious [[capitalism|commodities]], as well as all of the other [[basement dweller|well adjusted]] citizens who [[vampire|sleep the day hours away]]. So it might not come as too much of a shock that the show's content consists of [[batshit crazy]] UFO stories and [[tinfoil hat]] conspiracy theories. The show was created by a [[fucktard]] known as Art Bell, who knew he could Jew pandering insane bullshit to the [[crazy|open-minded]]. He has since retired ([[USI|4 times and counting]]) and has passed the torch to his protegee ([[retard|and devoted follower]]) George Noory. Noory, unlike Bell, is a [[idiot|true believer]], and as such, spends 4 hours an evening having an on air [[circle jerk]] with fellow believers. Along side these two [[winner|winnars]], there are two other douchebags who stand in on the weekends or when Bell or Noory get [[raped|abducted]].
;FUN FACT: Did you know that Coast to Coast AM is basically controlled by the CIA and it's an intel op designated to make us even dumber and to make any conspiracy claims look silly? [http://www.isgp.nl/2014_08_Coast_to_Coast_AM_cult Proof]
'''<span style="font-size:larger;">'''<span style="font-size:larger;">'''BALEET THE [[Icewillow9|ICEWILLOW9]] ARTICLE RIGHT NOW'''</span>'''</span>'''
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ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT FUCK SHIT ASS PISS DICK COCK BOLLOCKS DOUCHEBAG NIGGER PRICK ARSE ARSEHOLE ASSHOLE HORSESHIT BULLSHIT ARSEHEAD CUNT BITCH BASTARD NIGGA SHITE TWAT WANKER MOTHERFUCKER SLUT WANK WANKING FATHERFUCKER SISTERFUCKER BROTHERFUCKER DICKHEAD NIGRA FAGGOT
== The Show ==
The show deals with a [[ADD|wide array of topics]] on any given evening. Some of these include (but by no means are limited to) the occult, remote viewing, hauntings, shadow people, [[reptoids|reptile people]], psychic predictions, conspiracy theories, [[UFO|UFOs]], [[Canberra|crop circles]], [[beastiality|cryptozoology]] and the World Trade Center attacks. The show starts off with the host reading some "[[bullshit|reputable]]" piece of news about UFO sightings or ghosts. Next comes two hours of interviews with all sorts of "[[insane|interesting]]" and "[[retarded|unique]]" guests. The show finishes off with a bunch of unintelligible nonsense from the [[people|masses]].
[[Image:Gorn star trek.jpg|thumb|right|Reptoids?]]
[[Image:FTW Ron Paul LOL.gif|thumb|right|[[X in my y|In ''my'' Ron Paul?]]]]
[[Image:Jewsdidwtc.gif|thumb|right|[[fact]]]]
The news articles that get read at the beginning of the show range from unrealistic to [[batshit insane]]. Here are just a few of the "hot Stories" linked to the show's website:
*[http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4518796/UFO-spotted-opposite-Houses-of-Parliament.html UFO spotted opposite Houses of Parliament ]
*[http://archive.fo/VYwL UFO in German jets alert]
*[http://archive.fo/B7pN1 Haunted hospital calls in exorcist]
*[http://www.alternet.org/environment/122849/chemtrails_in_the_sky_are_evidence_of_nefarious_activities_for_broad-based_conspiracy_theorists/ Chemtrails in the Sky Are Evidence of Nefarious Activities for Broad-Based Conspiracy Theorists]
=== Guests ===
Since so much of the show's daily topics are based on whatever guests are on, it seems appropriate to list some of the more [[fucktard|notable people]] who've had the pleasure of explaining their [[time cube|complex theories]] on the air.
*[http://www.drjoye.com/ Joye Pugh] -Says blood from the Shroud of Turin has been used to clone Jesus
*[http://archive.fo/g7wFC Sylvia Browne] -Always on The [[black|Montel]] Show "predicting the future."
*[http://www.hypnoregression.com/ Dr. Charles Tramont] -Used to practice "conventional" medicine before realizing that hypnotherapy can cure '''ANYTHING'''.
*[http://www.saintjohnhunt.com/# Saint John Hunt] -He knows who '''REALLY''' killed [[JFK]].
*[http://uforeview.tripod.com/index.html Timothy Green Beckley] -Knows all about UFOs.
*[[Alex Jones]]
*[[David Icke]]
*[[William Shatner]]
*[[Zeitgeist|Peter Joseph]]
*[[Ron Paul]]
Bottom line is if you have a book to sell you can be on C2C or if you are a popular public figure.
=== The Phone Lines Are Open ===
Of course the most important aspect of any radio show is its [[you|listeners]]. Without the masses to tune in and [[capitalism|buy shit]] from the sponsors, no radio show could exist. Unfortunately this is a double-edged sword as the radio show must also allow listener participation in order to promote a [[fanboy|loyal fan base]]. The end result of this is a bunch of trailer park trash, basement dwellers, and insane retards calling in to voice their opinion. Fortunately they also voice their opinions [[online]]:
{{quote|on last night's show about CERN & LHC - call me a skeptic...but I just don't believe we are being told all the truth about what they wish to accomplish with the LHC. OK maybe its not a portal but I SMELL A RAT - SNIFF SNIFF....|The [[LHC]] '''IS NOT''' a [[portal]].}}
{{quote|"Nuclear Terrorism" is an anagram for "Liar's recent rumor"|[[LOLWUT]]}}
{{quote|Most histories say the Great Depression started 10-29-1929. You might look at that date as just another date , not me. If you look at that date closely you will notice it happened on the 29th and the year was also 1929, meaning there is a patter their with the 9 following the 2 to make 29. Well this might not mean much to 99.9% of people looking at this , but to me it explains why the whole World is falling into a new great depression. You see when ever you see too many 29's in a date ( specifically when you see a 29 in the year ) , it can only mean one thing , people and there money will part. Now lets look at that date one more 10-29-1929 , the last two numbers in that year are a 29. Now the year is 2009 , this is the first time in 80 Years that the 9 have followed the 2 in the year since the great Depression. Funny how the same thing is happening in 2009 , that happened in 1929. Remember , Numbers are the only thing that never lie.|[[tl;dr]] Phythagoras chiming in on numbers being [[God]].}}
{{quote|I worked with a woman, Ellen and every time we worked together, strange things would happen; from computers freezing up to other co-workers passing out to water fall like floods, etc. Nothing ever happens when we work separately only when together. And now our store closed down for a few months! What can cause these events to happen only hen we are together? I could see if something’s happened to us individually but only when the two of us are working, there must be something more to it? I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks!|[[wut]]}}
== Hosts ==
Of course this sort of [[faggotry]] has existed in the world for a long time. People have been saying retarded shit long before [[Al Gore]] looked at a [[series of tubes]] and had a moment of genius. However, for all the conspiracies, reptoids, UFOs, and [[Kraken's ghost|ghosts]] to come together in one place requires something unique. What is needed is an individual with the foresight and inspiration to act as a beacon for all this nonsense. Here is the story of two such pioneers who had/have the
courage to [[star trek|boldly go where no man who gets pussy has ever gone before]].
== John B Wells ==
John B Wells was fired from C2C for being popular having extremely high ratings than other hosts.
=== Art Bell ===
[[Image:Art bell creepy.jpg|thumb|right|Hey sexy]]
The evil mastermind behind all of outer space; Bell grew up with an [[fetish|unhealthy love]] of his own voice and [[Philippines|Filipino]] chicks. This love made him quit killing [[gooks]] in 'Nam to start a [[pirate]] radio station playing anti-war music. The soothing sounds of Bell's voice, along with all the [[hippie|peace and love]] messages, eventually helped lead to U.S. Army to [[fail|defeat]]. After the war Bell jetted to Japan in fear of being [[castrated]] by the [[Army]]. While he was there he set a new record in [[unwarranted self-importance]] and [[attention whoring]] by broadcasting [[lol wut|live for 116 hours straight]]. Needless to say the [[Japanese]] were not pleased with Bell's [[faggotry]]. Sensing their [[rage]] and samurai swords approaching, Bell hightailed it back to the safety of the [[nevar forget|greatest country in the world]].
Once back in the states Bell got himself a job hosting a political talk show. Unfortunately, there was already an [[Rush Limbaugh|elephant]] in those waters and subsequently, [[noone]] tuned in. That is when Bell had an [[epic]] vision. He realized that all people who listen to radio are [[batshit crazy]], so he decided to [[Relevant to my interests|cater to their interests]]. This led to a change in format; out with the politics, and in with the [[conspiracy theories]]. Of course Bell's intuition about the listeners was correct as was seen by his immediate [[win|jump in ratings]], which led to big bags of [[Jew gold]]. With the Jew now flowing through his veins, Bell needed something to take him to the next level of [[hookers and blow]]. He got his wish with the Oklahoma City Bombing in 1995. While all the other radio stations [[bored]] listeners to death by following this obviously mundane story, Bell took it to the next level by discussing UFO's and the paranormal. This earned him instant success and the biggest bag of [[money]] he had [[evar]] seen. Bell, knowing a good thing when he saw it, decided to ride this [[talentless|one-trick pony]] all the way to the bank...again and again...for [[old meme|years and years]]<nowiki>...until his age started</nowiki> [[old|catching up]] with him.
On a side note, [[some say|it should also be noted]] that Bell [[raped]] his own son and tricked [[Heaven's Gate]] into [[an hero]]dom by [[lie|pretending]] there was a UFO following the Hale-Bop comet.
Also Art Bell killed his first wife (claiming it was from [[asthma]]). He then got [[troll's remorse]] and mail-ordered a clone, and promptly got her preggorz.
=== Gorgeous George ===
[[Image:George Noory.jpg|right|thumb|Totally not normal]]
Noory is of [[Arab|Lebanese]] decent and grew up in the [[Catholic|Roman Catholic]] tradition. So it goes without saying that he was screwed from the beginning to believe in [[No girls on the internet|shit that doesn't exist]]. He reports having an [[crazy|out of body experience]] as a child and was also fascinated by [[UFO|Ufology]] and the [[wut|paranormal]]. No doubt this was just his minds way of coping with [[buttsecks|alter boy treatment]]. He spent his formidable years [[unemployed|moving from town to town]] working for what ever piece of shit radio station he could. However, his belief was strong, and he knew he would some day make it to the big time.
In 2001 the big time finally happened and Noory finally got his shot subbing in weekends on Coast to Coast. This was the bottom of the pecking order but Noory knew that if he [[hooker|played his cards right]] he could make it to the top. Through [[blowjob|hard work]] and [[anal|dedication]] Noory finally realized his dream in 2006; taking over for Bell who was going on one of his "[[bullshit|retirements]]."
{{quote|I will do you proud, the best I can, Art. There comes a time in this life wherever you might be that you have an opportunity to work with someone who is literally…like a god in this business. Someone you can look up to and respect. I've had the opportunity and so now, no matter what happens in this broadcasting business for me, I had a chance to work with Art Bell.|George Noory metaphorically sucking Art Bell's cock}}
George Noory has gained a formidable internet following (albeit a hateful following) - examples can be found on Coastgab.com's George Noory Sucks thread, that has now over 600 pages of commentary on his pathetic attempt at interviewing.
George can be found roaming the gay bars of downtown LA on weekends with his fag "producer" Tommy.
== Just Don't Give A Fuck ==
Since the whole show is four hours of absolute horse shit that has to be filled every day of the week; the majority of the time it is filled with complete fucking morons who just talk copious amounts of donkey cock. Like David Wilcock. This fucktard believes that the Gubermint has a secret portal to Mars and that there is a human colony there. His evidence for this is that he saw it in a movie once. He also thinks he is the reincarnation of Edgar Cayce; a charlatan from the early 20th Century who claimed he could see the future. His appearances on C2C leave anyone who listens a few points lower down the I.Q. chain. (Which means a lot when you consider the intelligence level of the average C2C listener.)
{|style="margin: auto;"
|<youtube>VMwJmIRF7ZE</youtube>
|}
<center>'''Here's an example of this retard at work.'''</center>
== [[Half Life|Gordon Freeman]] calls in ==
<center><youtube>g_UdpSNccfI</youtube></center>
== Masonic Orders And Reptoids ==
<center>
<youtube>gNjYAKizxv0</youtube>
'''Here are interviews with Alex Jones and David Icke for all you fanboys.'''
</center>
== See Also ==
*[[UFO]]
*[[E.T.]]
*[[conspiracy theories]]
*[[radio]]
*[[Sherry Shriner]]
*[[Above Top Secret]]
*[[David Icke]]
== Links ==
*[http://www.coasttocoastam.com/ The Official Shit]
*[http://archive.fo/mG63H Myspace]
*[http://archive.fo/DS7b Facebook Faggotry]
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coast_to_Coast_AM TOW Article]
